It's getting late and I haven't read all this thread in great detail but I certainly get the gist of it and have got that feeling that I have also been there before - got the T-shirt, seen the film etc! Tony you have all my sympathies.
Not going to comment on the technical aspects but I thought we could just look at it from another angle.
Try reading John Adair's books, one I recall is called "The Skills of Leadership" where he talks about action-centred leadership. There are three "needs", 1. the task need, 2. group needs and 3, individual needs.
I remember a well respected human factors expert on my very first CRM type course stating that the biggest mistake we make in the western world is to be too "task" oriented. If we concentrated more on the individual and group needs we would be able to get the task done much more successfully.
Tony, I have no criticism of your actions - we all know that being a good FO takes real skill. However my suggestion is to get away from the "task" a little bit and get to know this guy as an individual. This may not be as easy as it sounds but it's much more difficult to fall out with someone who has become a friend. Maybe there is something else going on in his life which is presenting him with challenges! Try and find something in common outside of aviation - even, as has been suggested, it 's having a couple of pints in the hotel bar.
If you want to be better at getting "rapport" then I suggest you take a look at the techniques of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) called mirroring and matching. Any good book shop has books on NLP and I would certainly recommend those written by Tony Robbins as a starter.
Finally, dare I say it but when I started flying for BOAC in 1970 we had many more colourful characters to fly with and this was before any CRM. However, those captains certainly knew the job inside out even if they were difficult to fly with. I made it a personal rule that I would always fly with whoever I was rostered to fly with because I would always learn something new even if it was the wrong way to run a flight deck! I often found that the individuals who were more difficult to fly with taught me the most about crew cooperation. A bit like a good marriage really - there has to be a bit of give and take although in the final event the commander carries the can.
The fact that you have raised these issues show that you have a professional approach to the job. Remember though that you always have a choice as to how you respond in a given situation and that you are looking for a win/win situation on the flight deck.