Think you've about nailed it, Kharon. I knew Graham and have avoided this thread to date. But in the end, it's about information dissemination, however imperfect the messages and the medium. If there's the smallest possibility of avoiding a similar accident tomorrow or in a year's time, respectful, objective and thoughtful discussion can only help.
I also commend Compy for calling out plain bad behaviour. It doesn't matter if you're 23 or 83, or whether you're interacting personally or on an internet forum, loss of life demands respect and to question the sincerity of the grief or sympathy of others is pretty poor.