Aeroflirt, you asked for it so here goes:
Trolleys : Now i am a big lad (tall I mean) and sometimes i just dont fit in the crummy little space given, now I know I am in for a big fall here, but steer the bloddy cart straight. In a fight between my kneecap and the trolley corner, I have never won.
Bottoms and hips: When you are taking the extra big drink down to the bloke in 1A, why do you bang against my elbow, which is either
A) holding my PPL course books (had to get that one in) or,
B) My first and only drink in 4 hours, or
C) Crappy plastic knife with last bit of butter to spread on my ickle bit of bread.
Safety Briefing: Please dont give me daggers because I have not bothered to look up from my rivetting Air LAw book, I know where the exits are, I know how to buckle up, life vest...waste of time if we ditch we all die.
Drinks service: When I ask for a large scotch, I am not being greedy. I have a drink problem, I need alchohol after my meetings. You think you have a bad day, wanna swap sometime.
When I ask for another, dont worry about me. I am a big boy now. I know my limits, and when I fall asleep, thats it.
Smile sometimes, we too have bad days.
Emergency exits: If you see a big bloke crammed in to a cattle seat, ask him to swap with the 4ft2 midget in the Emergency exit. In case we are needed, I will be out of the plane before you, leaving a HUGE hole for the rest of the passengers.
I could go on, but I find the best crews are, in order of service and quality:
BRITISH
EUROPEAN
ASIAN
sorry but US crews, not my thing. Too surly and dont want to be bothered or treat you like kids.
Gotta tell you this one:
Flew to Phoenix with an US based carrier, darent name names here. Got my upgrade and had 8 hours of alcholic bliss to CHicago. Plane delayed to Phoenix, so topped up in the bar.
FInally got on plane and thought, water. Rehydrate get ready for getting off, getting luggage, getting hotel etc.
Announcement from crew..............no film.
So we had a nice freindly US crew member divide the plane into 4, and each section had, YES HAD, to sing If Your Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands, stamp your feet and all the other bits that go with it.
Grumpy, sobering up, British business man, didnt join in. And was seen by crew not to join in. And told whole plane I didnt join in.
Was I bothered..........................................
So in conclusion, as I have said before, you do a sterling job. I wouldnt do it, looking after me. I now know to be attentive, smile, flatten tray, watch briefing, dont ask for seconds, dont ask for doubles, dont ask for anything really.
See you all soon at FL360.
CHEERS
In direct response to your last post:
PAs in the middle of a night flight. Breaks the drunken stupor, so its OK.
Knocking your knees with our trolleys. See above.
Too much strong perfume. Thats Ok too, it masks the smell of the beef. Is it really beef????????????
That sniffy look we are such experts at when asked a simple request but can't be bothered. You ask me a question on my profession, and you too will get the same look.
Saying "chicken or beef" in exactly the same tone of voice 100 times. Try asking beef or chicken. COme on show some originality.
Being spoken to like a two year old when you forget to buckle your seat belt or nip to the loo during turbulence. Got used to that by now, first of all my dear old mum, now the bloody missus.
Promising to come straight back with that drink , not to be seen again for the rest of the flight. Now that really gets me. I am desperate, I would not have asked otherwise.
Flirting with that seriously good looking man in the row ahead and blatantly giving him extra drinks. Now you are getting me really mad. Flirting...who cares. Its the drinks I want woman!!!!!!!
Pretending we can't see you gesticulating wildly from three rows behind. Oh you will when I stand up and bang my head on the bloody over head bins. Crawl over two other passengers and stagger down the aisle bumping every elbow and leg on the way down.
Scowling if you DARE walk into our galleys whilst we are "busy" reading the paper. Well i do need to exercise in case of DVT. And I dont care if you are a Sun reader.
Any more you want to add ? Go on , we can take it. I promise not to get in a strop with any replies.
Yes I do
When we are interrupting you in the galley, we are all not trying to pull you. Just have a chat and a laugh.
Laugh at our jokes, they are funny, honest.
Get us a flight deck visit. PLEASE
Even better, get us a jump seat visit for landing. PRETTY PLEASE and I will never drink again.
So looks like double dose of eyedrops for me then.