Who pissed on your cornflakes? Easy there spanish. You're not the only one who has gotten through the greencard ordeal ya know...
I also was a greencard holder smart guy. I went through the process years ago and I'm talking by my own experience. Not every USCIS takes the same time to process paperwork, so go ahead and holster it.
My whole process took 1 year and 3 months from marriage till green card was in my hand. I still keep all the paperwork too, let me know when you have a chance, I'll show it to you next time I'm in MIA for your own peace of mind, or mostly just to keep you from looking like a fool on an Internet forum again.
Sorry to disappoint, but I do know what I'm talking about.
Like I said before to the OP, I'd suggest redirecting your energy/resources towards other job markets instead of US unless you already have a greencard.
Just my .02 cents.