Alouette3 , to be fair , I agree with your post.All , including yours truly , need to be more balanced in our criticism.From my experience the military pilots who are successful are the ones who have changed their mindset and attitudes to the different environment of civilian flying.However many of them still carry on with the "essential qualities" that they were taught in their previous lives which I call the "officer mentality" and the "complete pilot".Both can be very detrimental in civilian flying.It is interesting that you should mention the Colgan Air crash which had a female first officer.Many years ago , I happened to experience a training session with a female FO and an ex AF instructor.The FO to be very charitable , just about passed.And the instructor was extremely polite , courteous and cleared her with a warm handshake.While I did see him tear up a couple of young boys although some of these blokes were good.After the session , I happened to remark about how he let the female FO off lightly to which he replied , it is not becoming of an officer and a gentleman to be harsh on a woman.I felt like telling him , someday if she flew like that, she would write off an aircraft and a couple of lives.Wonder what will you say then.So it is not just limited to CRM but there is a broader context.But let me also say that I have met some of the finest aviators and people from military backgrounds.So at the end it is a mixed bag.You just have to make sure that you select the right people because if you don't you will write off an aircraft and also the morale of your fellow pilots in the company.
