O'Hare humour
"Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?" "N923, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here"
"American 220...eenie, meenie, miney, moe...how do you hear my radio?"
"We were told runway 9...we'll take out the 14R approach plate." "Captain, you got 6 miles to take it out...have a ball!"
"The traffic at nine o'clock's gonna do a little Linda Rondstadt on you." "Linda Rondstadt?!? What's that????" "Well sir....they're gonna 'Blue Bayou'!
"I can see the country club down below...looks like a lot of controllers out there." "Yes, sir, there is...and they're caddying for DC-10 drivers like you!"
"Amtram 726, sorry 'bout that...Center thought you were a Midway arrival...just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies and we'll get you to Milwaukee."
"Approach, what's our sequence?" "Calling for sequence, I missed your call sign...but if I find out what it is, you're last"
"Approach, Southwest 436...you want US to turn right to 090???" "No, I want your brother to turn...just do it and don't argue!"
"Approach, United 525...what's this aircraft doing at my altitude?" "United 525...what makes you think it's your altitude?!?"
"Delta 1176, say speed" "Approach, we slowed to 220" "Delta 1176, pick it back up to 250...this ain't Atlanta and those ain't grits on the ground."
"Request runway 27 right." "Unable." "Approach...do you know that the wind at 6,000 ft is 270 at 50?" "Yeah I do...and if we could jack the airport up to 5,500 ft, you could have that runway...expect 14 right."
"Air Force 45, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard... I see you've already ejected."
"Approach, what's the tower?" "A big tall building with glass all around it..."
"How far behind traffic are we?" "3 miles." "That doesn't look like 3 miles to us!" "Well, you're a mile and a half from him and he's a mile and a half from you, so that's 3 miles!"