Why oh why does every "aviator" aspire to be a Commercial Airline Pilot? It's not "flying" - it's driving a boring old bus!
There is no excitement, boring anti-social schedules, constant arguments over accomodation/meals/fuel & landing charge problems/the air steward poof trying it on, etc. etc.
You can't FLY the plane. There are too many rules/regulations. There is more exictement to be had in a hang glider. And with one of those you don't have the constant flight checks...
However, the reasoning that you all went through before embarking on the career you all seem to despise is:
1. A ridiculously high salary for what is in effect a "bus driver".
2. The ability to say "I'm an airline Captain" whenever possible.
3. Travel to exotic places (unless you do short haul) - but then you realised that you just fell into a hotel bed before crewing the next A/C home & saw nothing of the country....
4. S******G the Stewardesses, until you realised that most were married & your only chance was with 20 year old Gary from Essex.
Just be thankful that you have a (very) well paid job that pays your bills & enables you to think nothing of going to the pub or eating out. The majority of people in the UK this year can't afford those luxuries (me included).
I have absolutely no sympathy for the OP. In his mental state he should not be allowed to fly & possibly endanger hundreds of lives.