ah! backpocket.com
you forgot some other duties, let me remind you of some more.
taking the ugly bird to watch an american football match while the Captain takes the cutie - all for it to be a waste of time as the Captain announces at the end of the night that he's married.
taking the Captain to a 'Colombian Night' (you might not remember that)
providing numerous cover stories to people various to explain the Captains sudden departure.