Wurzel gave me my speech on a memory stick and I'm struggling to format it. 'docx' or something.
Cyprus, 84 Sqn, Early-90's
Taff's Suicide Attempt
While out in Cyprus, Tipsy’s Sgt (Taff) was on a married unaccompanied tour, leaving his wife and kids back home. Well, his wife back in UK went back to her mother’s with the kids & emptied the married quarter. So Taff was a bit down in the dumps. Seriously down in the dumps. Tipsy, who had no formal training in counselling, but seeing an opportunity for an afternoon off work, decided to take him on the piss at lunchtime, not knowing that alcohol is a depressant. After a gallon at lunch time, they gatecrashed a 74 Sqn APC BBQ at Arabs Beach Club. Taff’s mood had been less than chirpy, in fact he had been threatening suicide. And sure enough, late that night, off he went, marching down the beach, throwing his clothes behind him. By the time Tipsy had got to him, Taff was naked & thrashing about waist deep and had managed to get a couple of lungfulls of water. Tipsy dragged him out, and the visiting fast jet sqn, the BBQ hosts, had a duty sensible person and driver, and took the bedraggled pair back to Tipsy's married quarter to dry him off & sober him up. They also phoned up SEngO 84 Sqn who was round Tipsy’s place like a shot. The following Monday, OC 84 Sqn dragged Tipsy in the office to commend him on his quick thinking & first aid skills.
Sensing a medal, Tipsy neglected to mention that on the night of the incident, when Taff threatened suicide for the fifth time, Tipsy replied ‘You haven’t got the bollocks’
You will have gathered by now, that Tipsy & Wurz did each others' leaving speeches