I too am a fearful flyer but over the years have got better. Every noise, bang fills me with fear (which always stays hidden). I also used to find myself constantly looking at the crew to see of there is any alarm/panic on their faces.
However as I have said it has certainly got better over the years. One thing that helped me tremendously was I purchased a couple of DVDs that show you the flight from the flight deck. I was totally amazed at what goes on before a flight, all the pre checks, the visual check the captain makes around the exterior of the aircraft etc. You get to hear and see the discussion and plans re aborted take offs and landings, discussions on airports the flight route will fly over if they need to land for say a pax emergency.
For a mere pax who knows very little at what goes on behind the scenes this was and is fascinating stuff and certainly helped me hugely with my fears.
Good luck
PS Thanks SloppyJoe for the excellent post and explanation.