" couldn't find the right end of the runway, couldn't operate the self serve fuel pump and had no clue what he was doing while taxiing."
First question....why did his instructor sign him off for solo?
When my wife was doing her multiengine training some 35 years ago, at Vero Beach (FlightSafety), they had a Middle Eastern student who took off on a cross-country solo in a Seneca, or whatever they were using then, and stopped for lunch at his first waypoint. Left the airplane well-chocked but engines running, since he later admitted he had no idea how to restart them.
Unfortunately, he parked right outside the VEB FSS.
Somebody apparently signed -him- off for XC solo...