There is a small grass strip about half a mile from my village and during the summer weekends we get some interesting little prop-jobs pottering about, doing aeros, etc. My neighbour's wife, plastered again, was moaning to me recently: 'I'm going to start a campaign to stop those noisy aeroplanes buzzing around and disturbing my Sunday afternoon. Don't you agree, Zoom?' I replied,' I'm going to start a campaign to stop some selfish prat from lighting a bonfire to burn waste every day of the summer that the sun shines. (Pause) Was that your husband's bonfire this afternoon?'
Cue silence.