Now that is effen funny.
Let me get this right - Mr Ch(insert entire alphabet here)zki ran out to "get the number" of a helicopter and then because a man ran toward it and got in he assumed that it was a terrorist? And therefore he should open up on it?
This might be how the news story should have read:
A man was arrested yesterday for being a complete effen idiot.
Another news story on the wires today:
Mr CHyerzcetjdghctyrdhjzski, a retired complete nutter, was recovering today from an anti terrorist attack on his vehicle in a case of "regretful mistaken identity" reported police spokesperson, SGT Velarge Norks.
Apparently, concerned citizens opened fire on Mr Ch-how-ever-you-spell-it-ski believing him to be a terrorist about to conduct a frightening chemical attack on the local Seven Eleven. According to eye witnesses, Mr Ch-alphabet-ski was fired upon by at least 12 people, including the owner of the Seven Eleven, Mr Brassem Up.
Mr Up says that the dark van Mr Ch-alphabet-ski was driving was similar to the one used in the Saudi compound bombing (only that one was white), almost identical to the VW Beetle used by Palestinian suicide bombers three years ago (although much bigger), and most disturbingly, was exactly the same as the boat that blew a hole in the side of the USS battleship last year (although it had a sail). SGT Norks said "with such similarities, it is no wonder that so many people reacted this way".
Mr Ch-alphabet-ski left the local painting supply shop about 11 am carrying a suspicious bag with him, and several tins of what could have been deadly chemicals, but later turned out to be paint. "He dissapeared around the back of the store in an effort to hide his suspicious bag" stated one eye witness. SGT Norks said that it was possible that he was going to the carpark to get his van, but that she could see how people had jumped to the conclusion. Shortly after, Mr Ch's van appeared to be trying to exit the tight carpark, narrowly avoiding another car trying to park, almost taking its front end right off. "I didn't want to hit another car" claimed Mr Ch, "why would I purposley try and hit it?". As he pulled out on to the main road, the lights changed and the van stopped at the traffic signal to allow pedestrians to cross. The pedestrians feared for their lives as they made the dangerous crossing directly in front of, and within several feet of the van.
When the lights turned green, the van accelerated and began to turn into the crowded Seven Eleven carpark. It was then that the concerned citizens decided they could not wait any longer and began to open fire. "Several people had handguns, and there were at least three automatic assualt rifles going, my son opened up with his Uzi, and after carefully recording the plates of the van, I ran back into the store to fetch "Old Molly", my beloved RPG Launcher" Said Mr Up.
"When I returned, the van was driving erratically around the car park trying to get away, and this convinced me that we had a terrorist situation on out hands" he said. "One brave sole had run out of ammo and had begun bayoneting the side of the van, so I realised that I could wait no longer and began launching RPG's. I was just trying to knock out the van's tyres" he said.
Mr Up claims he got the van first go, but other witnesses recall at least three grenade launchings before the van was disabled. The paint shop across the road was destroyed in a fire resulting from an RPG through the front window, and Mr Up's son Jonny was quite badly singed when Mr Up swung the launcher around and fired, catching Jonny in the back blast danger area, the Uzi melting into his hands. SGT Norks said "We are not yet sure where the third round went, but there is a news chopper that was around here at the time and is now reported as missing"
Mr Ch-alphabet-ski was quite forgiving of his fellow citizens when he released the following statement from his hospital bed yesterday: "I can well understand the reaction of my fellow Americans (well maybe not the bastarge who was bayoneting the van) in the face of percieved threat. After all, I do have black hair, a foriegn name, and was driving a van that resembled a terrorist vehicle directly toward a Seven Eleven. In the circumstances, I am sure I would have done the same thing" he said.