Now this was in the 'good old Wessex days' in the 70's..........'Gentleman John' (GJ) was a thoroughly nice, well-mannered, Mr Perfect-type Wessex crewman tasked to act as crewman to a VIP namely
THE Ken Dodd who was entertaining the troops around the province and 72 Sqn was tasked to fly him around.
GJ was the crewman for the various VIP trips (don't remember who the jockeys were). He was renowned for doing everything correctly.
eg on a VIP trip you were meant to close the door to reduce the amount of dust flying about the cabin, remain on the long lead within the cabin (a pain) and stay secured to the 'monkey harness' for the trip (why?).
The rest of us used to leave the door ajar to assist with the nav, unplug the long lead and plug into the short cabin lead, unhook the monkey harness and secure ourselves into a seat belt for the trip.
So whilst doing everything properly and correctly after takeoff, GJ closed the cabin door and sat forward of the door in the crewman's seat, remained on the long lead and stayed secured in his monkey harness attached to an anchor point under his seat.
Ken Dodd was sitting in the seat opposite the door.
They had climbed to about 500' when GJ decided he needed to look outside to help with the nav. As he lifted out of his seat forward of the door to change to the seat aft of the door, he used the
cabin door jettison handle for extra leverage and surprise surprise the door jettisoned and out into the slipstream 10' below the aircraft was GJ swinging gaily outside the aircraft 500' above the NI greenery!!.
Being the correct person he was, his first reaction was to say:
''Crewman to Captain''
"Yes John?"
"I don't wish to alarm you...but I'm hanging under the aircraft!"
"Whaaat?"
"Yes the door jettisoned and I've fallen out of the aircraft! and I'm swinging underneath in my monkey harness"
"FFS!"
John then gave a very accurate height-only talk down into a farmer's field and walked out from under the aircraft just before the wheels touched!!
Ken Dodd was in a state of shock (understatement!) and grabbed John's chinagraph and wrote on his kneepad:
"I trust there will not be a repeat performance!"
Wasn't GJ lucky that he stayed on the long lead and the monkey harness otherewise it may have been a completely different ending!
Footnote: It is understood that Ken Dodd's hair style was a direct result of this incident.....
