Ok, at night with no IR or IMC you are required to maintain VMC but fly in accordance with IFR two biggest things to remember here is
1. MSA (1000ft above highest obstacle within 5nm of track).
2. Quadrilateral rule (fly the correct level depending on your track).
As you found out you can only fly inside controlled airspace with SVFR clearance at night.
Some good ground school when being taught you night qualification should clarify these points but if you need to refresh refer to the ANO.
Sounds like to controller was doing her best to prompt...She cant tell you what service to ask for and cant give you a transit if you don't ask for the correct clearance.
Happy night flying, I love it personally!
