I liked the line about him 'having professionally lit helicopters in the past' too.
I'm guessing he didn't do it with a torch worth six quid that he got for eight quid when he bought 12 litres of sainsburys finest petrol and, and I may be going out on a limb here, the helicopter he 'professionally lit' probably wasn't bristling with all sorts of optical sensor goodies and flown by a guy wearing night vision goggles who likes his retinas where they are thankyouverymuch.
Tosser.