Capt PA "Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen etc ..... my name is XXX and in charge of me in the flight deck is FO YYY. In charge of all of us our SCCM today is Debbie etc". Good to know who is really in charge of whats going on around us.
Also head on the radio with ATC a calm dignified PA apologising for the fact that the aircraft was having to divert to a local airport due to some technical problems, please listen to the instructions given to you by the cabin crew.
ATC "A very nice PA FlightXXX the airport is now closed in preperation for your emergency landing the fire services are standing by. What have you told your passengers then?"