Flightdeck PA Announcements
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Courtesy of www.jethros.eu
On a West Jet flight (There is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, 'People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!'
On another West Jet Flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'
On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.'
'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.'
'Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella. WHOA!'
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario, a flight attendant on a West Jet flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.'
From a West Jet Airlines employee: 'Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'
'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.'
'Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than West Jet Airlines.'
'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'
'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.'
And from the pilot during his welcome message: 'West Jet Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!'
Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a very hard landing in Edmonton : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
Overheard on a West Jet Airlines flight into Regina , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet Airways.'
Heard on a West Jet Airline flight. 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg toMontreal .. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!' A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
On another West Jet Flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'
On landing, the stewardess said, 'Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.'
'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.'
'Thank you for flying West Jet Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at the Vancouver Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: 'Whoa, big fella. WHOA!'
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Ontario, a flight attendant on a West Jet flight announced, 'Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.'
From a West Jet Airlines employee: 'Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'
'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.'
'Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than West Jet Airlines.'
'Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.'
'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.'
And from the pilot during his welcome message: 'West Jet Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!'
Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a very hard landing in Edmonton : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'
Overheard on a West Jet Airlines flight into Regina , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!'
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: 'We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.'
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?'
'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?'
The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'
After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax , the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet Airways.'
Heard on a West Jet Airline flight. 'Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em.'
A plane was taking off from the Winnipeg Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Winnipeg toMontreal .. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!'
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!' A passenger in Coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'
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So that's why....... I always wondered.
I assume for landings at night it is also to hide the looks of horror on the faces of the CC
'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'
I assume for landings at night it is also to hide the looks of horror on the faces of the CC
Join Date: May 2009
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whoseroundisit
Your posting distills a hard core of classic airline lore. It deserves to be engraved in stone which, as in the case of Ancient Greece and Rome, will constitute most of what the archeologists and ancient historians of the next few millennia will have to work with in order to build their careers on speculating about what the schlitz we were all up to before we bottomed out like a bunch of Thracians or Etruscans.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
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Many years ago, YUL - LGA, smooth flight and landing, and then the (male) purser gets on and says "well the captain is a fantastic pilot but a lousy driver so keep your seatbelts fastened until we reach the gate." in both english and french. definitely got some giggles...
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Reading these brings a smile to my face. Here are a coup[le of mine...
Arriving DFW on Delta, FA announces preparation for landing in the Dallas AREA...I asked her if we could try the airport.
Alaska Airlines arrival at John Wayne...FA, imitating Andy Rooney..."why is it that when you're at 35,000 feet, traveling at 500 MPH it's OK to move about the cabin but when you're on the ground, traveling at 30 mph, you must remain seated with your seatbelt fastened?"
Approaching Seattle on a United LHR/SEA flight, FA announces that Captain has found what he believes to be the Seattle airport so in preparation for our landing...!
Pan Am flight out of JFK at push back, Captain asks pax to not lean out in the aisle and block his view while he is backing away from the gate.
Putt
Arriving DFW on Delta, FA announces preparation for landing in the Dallas AREA...I asked her if we could try the airport.
Alaska Airlines arrival at John Wayne...FA, imitating Andy Rooney..."why is it that when you're at 35,000 feet, traveling at 500 MPH it's OK to move about the cabin but when you're on the ground, traveling at 30 mph, you must remain seated with your seatbelt fastened?"
Approaching Seattle on a United LHR/SEA flight, FA announces that Captain has found what he believes to be the Seattle airport so in preparation for our landing...!
Pan Am flight out of JFK at push back, Captain asks pax to not lean out in the aisle and block his view while he is backing away from the gate.
Putt
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Embarassing one for me...
About a year ago I was landing in Glasgow and planted the aircraft onto the tarmac.....and I mean hard! Taxied onto stand, Captain says nothing...seat belt sign comes off, Captain takes the mic..."Ladies and Gentlemen, from the flight deck, your Captain speaking, thank you for flying with us today, we hope to see you on board again very soon........( pause ) and after THAT landing my first officer ( SAYS MY NAME) will be waiting for you at the bottom of the steps to sign autographs!" To which I heard through the cockpit doors much clapping and laughing! Lucky for me the seat has a quick release drop down handle and I stayed well below the glare shield and did my paperwork quietly until all the pax were safely in the terminal!
About a year ago I was landing in Glasgow and planted the aircraft onto the tarmac.....and I mean hard! Taxied onto stand, Captain says nothing...seat belt sign comes off, Captain takes the mic..."Ladies and Gentlemen, from the flight deck, your Captain speaking, thank you for flying with us today, we hope to see you on board again very soon........( pause ) and after THAT landing my first officer ( SAYS MY NAME) will be waiting for you at the bottom of the steps to sign autographs!" To which I heard through the cockpit doors much clapping and laughing! Lucky for me the seat has a quick release drop down handle and I stayed well below the glare shield and did my paperwork quietly until all the pax were safely in the terminal!
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Not a flight deck announcement but a memorable moment...
On what is normally a 15 minute flight from YVR to YYJ.....All passengers aboard but after 10 minutes, still no engines running . Flight Attendant standing at the top of the stairs looking out.... and passengers getting restless.
And then the FA says, "Two gentlemen are about to board and then we'll be departing. Please clap and give them your most enthusiastic welcome."
Greeted by applause, cheers and whistles as they came up the stairs, were a very harried looking (and surprised) Captain and First Officer. As the Captain was entering the flight desk, he turned back with a grin and said, to the passengers, "I should have known something was up, I've never seen her smile before." (referring to the FA)
On what is normally a 15 minute flight from YVR to YYJ.....All passengers aboard but after 10 minutes, still no engines running . Flight Attendant standing at the top of the stairs looking out.... and passengers getting restless.
And then the FA says, "Two gentlemen are about to board and then we'll be departing. Please clap and give them your most enthusiastic welcome."
Greeted by applause, cheers and whistles as they came up the stairs, were a very harried looking (and surprised) Captain and First Officer. As the Captain was entering the flight desk, he turned back with a grin and said, to the passengers, "I should have known something was up, I've never seen her smile before." (referring to the FA)
