Some years ago on a flight to Aberdeen:
Captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, This is your captain speaking, we are now approaching our destination Aberdeen Dyce Airport. The runway at Dyce is not over long for this class of aircraft so we don't mess about, we put down fairly firmly as soon as we can and hope to stop before we reach the other end."
We then proceeded to experience an absolute beauty of a landing, the aircraft creamed onto the runway so smoothly.
Captain: Ladies and Gentlemen, in fairness I should point out that the beautiful landing was executed by my First Officer who has been on this class of aicraft for a very long time."
F/O: "Too bloody long!"
Captain: "As we approach the terminal building, I urge you all to remain seated and keep your seat belts fastened until the aircraft comes to a complete stop. Passengers booked on the onward flight to Wick should take note that I can see them trying to kick-start your aircraft as I speak."
This was after a flight during which the captain seemed to have verbal diarrhea to the amusemnt of many and the irritation of others.
D.
edit for shpelling mistook