Well heres my contribution,
During a long overwater flight on a luftxxxxx 747 Captain comes over PA to make announcement.
"I'm sorry ladies unt gentleman but we have had za multiple engine failures and will be ditching into za sea! could you please assume za brace position" (read: thick German accent)
Captain then flies down and makes a perfect water landing and continues with the following PA.
"I would like all of za people who can swim to move to za right side of za plane, and all za people who cannot swim to move to za left side."
" for all the people on za right side if you swim for 3 miles in a northerly direction you will reach land!"
"for all the people on za lefthand side, we thank you for flying Luftxxxxx"
Discalaimer: Any similarity to any person/company either living or dead is purely coincidental.
Hope you get a laugh, as I did. HH.