I have finally got Activesync working, it looks like my experience with using activesync with .net 4.2 devices is fairly typical, there seems to be some incompatibility which stops the device pairing. The problem remains that I cannot install the MM/Roadangel self extracting archive, as it always attempts to install activesync ( which is broken ), so it looks like the only way I will get it is installed is by cloning a working SD card.
Althought this is more an issue for the computers/internet forum - I will post the reply here..
I have seen this with a few PDA's, Win/CE and mobile phones.
When using active sync to modern mobile devices it usually talks tcp and the windows firewall and any other firewall can block the return from the device. Therefore if you temporarily disable windows firewall and/or any other firewall for the duration of what your trying to do you will usually find that it works without a problem.
Good luck - will now go back to lurking...