I'm not sure teleporting is in order, though it would certainly be a neat trick. More along the lines of "have your picture taken with the teleporting captain for ten bucks" or "Star Trek, Deep ATR 9, now featuring Captain Bob, the teleporting PIC." Still, a neat trick.
Ecureilx, we all have a certain fascination with disaster. Some years ago I had a very similiar experience with a helicopter having an emergency. I was on the ground underneath it, and didn't understand he was having an emergency until a short time later when facination ended and running took over.
We have lost a number of firefighters on wildland fires to burn-overs...fires which overtook them before they could reach safety. One thing which has been cited repeatedly is the need to drop one's equipment in order to reach safety. Firefighters have died with hand tools,chain saws, even cans of gasoline in hand. Those items are lifelines on the fireline, and firefighters are trained to hold on to them going up and down mountains in exploding conditions, so no great surprise that subconsciously they take a death grip on them when on the run...and it ends up killing them.
A great deal of effort has gone into trying to drill it into firefighters heads to drop their equipment and run when facing an impending burnover. A few years ago I read a report by a team leader who was involved in just such an event. As he ran for a safe zone, he began overtaking a member of his team who was being handicapped by a large chain saw. He could clearly see that the man wasn't even aware he had the saw, as he ran for the safe area. He took charge, yelled, struck the man, and physically ripped it from his hands.
It wasn't until they both arrived at the safe zone that he looked down in horror to find that the saw was now in his hands...and he's fallen prey to the same syndrome as the firefighter from whom he'd just taken the saw.
There's no doubt that in an emergency, be it a fire or otherwise, people may do unwise things, elect to take inexplicable actions, and behave to put it mildly, in an odd manner. Some panic, some are at their best, and perhaps the majority experience combinations of sensory overload or senses of time compression...slow motion, swimming in glue, etc.
It's for that reason that directions must be very simple and leadership is required to focus.
Every place I've ever been seated in an exit row, I've been specifically directed to open the exit and provide assistance to others in leaving the airplane. Every briefing I've given, regardless of the size of the airplane, and this includes small Learjets and King Airs too, has included the same direction. It's also always included the direction to leave the airplane and move as far away as possible in an emergency, and not return.
Complex directions are hard to follow. Hard to remember. Leadership includes refreshing the evacuation order in real time as people are going out the door. This is what a flight attendant does. This is the chief purpose of a flight attendant, and the single most critical job that person does; supervise and conduct an evacuation, or attend to passenger welfare in an emergency. "Hi, my name's Sally, and I'll be your personal evacuation coordinator today."
Whether passengers bother to read them or not, most briefing cards with which I'm familiar include instructions to help others, and it's something (in the US, certainly) that the passengers seated in exit rows must verbally agree to do before the airplane is able to push back...the flight attendant must verbally ask every person seated in an exit row to verbally acknowledge that they are willing and able to perform the functions listed on the card, which include opening the exit and providing assistance to others in leaving the airplane.
These are known as "force multipliers," or people who are able to assist the crew and expand their presence by providing some measure of help.
I went back as a result of this thread to review our own crew evacuation duties, and lo and behold...they include clear directions on ensuring the safety of the passengers outside the aircraft. One crewmember is directed to leave with the passengers and tend to their safety. Perhaps the operation in question has no such direction. The point of my comments here, and clearly those of others, is that this event should be seen as a learning experience; if things aren't done right, rather than making excuses, then let's see what wasn't done right and put it right.
That's not so hard, is it?