Major delay in Bangkok.
Just prior to pushback the wily old silver haired Captain noticed an impending bleed valve failure. The ramifications were enormous if the problem valve failed. After consulting with the other flight crew using best practice CRM principles the Captain decided to delay the pushback pending further investigation and possible MEL relief. Major Effluent Load due to suspect green nuclear chicken curry and 4 litres of Kloster was just too much and the valve started to twitch. At this point the Captain very gingerly unbuckled his seat belt ( see FAM for procedure) whilst keeping his buttocks firmly clamped and stood. The pressure build up was now at a critical level. The out flow valve was straining under waves of pressure. Three quick steps past the aisle stand and into the flight deck toilet. With the door closed relief was close. Now a new dilemma faced the bold old Captain. How to suck in his copious beer gut, release the Qantas issue belt and drop his strides. The first two attempts gave new meaning to a turtle head and a cold sweat. By the third attempt the desperation was so great that nothing could or would stop the pilot from the waves of convulsion as the bleed/outflow valve failed and the Captain experienced a rapid decompression. The ATP (agony to poo) required a new CDL (contamination down leg) entry in the tech log. There was also an alleged frontal media leak as he passed out with the shear joy of absolute relief.