Hmmmm, we have had all the trolls here in the last twelve hours blathering on, QF must be starting to hurt.
By the way, I saw this advertisement in yesterday's paper:
ADVERTISEMENT
QANTAS REQUIRES STAFF IN ALL DEPARTMENTS
Qantas Airlines, Australia's national airline, has vacancies for staff in all departments, suitably qualified persons are invited to apply.
Qantas offers world class conditions of employment and remuneration, but unfortunately for you, only to executives. As a Qantas employee, your conditions of employment are what we say they are from day to day. The only constants being that we will do everything possible to maintain you in a state of total Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt regarding your future employment with the company. We like it like that, it makes us feel good.
We hope you that after you join Qantas, and before you find out what a rotten company we are, you will decide to make long term plans, buy a house, marry, and start a family, that way your ordinary commitments will make you pathetically dependent on continuing employment with the company. That way we can control you much better.
Of course, as you age and gain Qantas specific skills that are of little use outside Australia's sole international airline, your dependency increases since it becomes harder and harder to change jobs. This allows us to really screw you more and more as you get older.
Some of you may believe that you you will progress into senior positions or perhaps even management, thus avoiding the pressures that we put our staff under. Don't bet on it. To be promoted will require that you demonstrate to senior management that you have developed the morals and ethics of an alley cat, and at the least this will require that you show us your ability to lie convincingly and with a straight face. Very few Qantas staff, especially those who work with customers (the mugs who buy our tickets) or in responsible safety critical jobs, seem to have this ability. We still don't understand why.
In any case, we are sceptical of anyone getting into Qantas management with actual hands - on experience of aviation because you would threaten the rest of us. What we have designed instead to keep you happy is an endless progression of different grades and qualifications that you can aspire to reach, but of course don't expect increased respect or authority when you achieve any of them. You can, of course, expect vastly increased responsibility as you progress, and why you would want this is to us still a mystery.
This of course leads us to the subject of remuneration. We have carefully designed this system to look highly attractive to beginners with the company in the fond hope that by the time you learn the truth you will already be "locked in" and dependent, the Americans call this technique "Bait and switch", but at Qantas we like to think that we perfected it first.
Your salary will initially rise as you gain the basic qualifications to serve the idiots who fly with us or keep the aircraft flying. However you can expect that by middle age your salary will actually be declining in inflation adjusted terms and it will continue to do so until we terminate you, or you resign, or you bizarrely decide to remain with us until your retirement.
Don't believe our claims about reaching salaries of $130,000 plus. We keep one or two people on those figures just to prove to the rest of you morons that it isn't a mirage, but of course we aren't stupid enough to pay all of you like that are we?
We still don't understand why you accept our remuneration policy all the time. True, we do our best to scare you into accepting it, and it seems to work. We also don't understand why you are happy to see your living standards slip behind the rest of the community, some of our employees talk about "loyalty to the Company" we don't do loyalty, and our salaries and bonuses had better keep climbing every year or else.
So please come and work for us, we need more people to suck the life out of, and when we are finished with you we will throw you on the scrap heap without a second thought. Apply today.