BBC,
How true. Why can't we just keep things to ourselves eh? I'm not overly or overtly religious.. common sense dictates that the planet wasn't created in 7 days and that there is a missing link, and invariably it might be found in a 3 Wing 40/70 gunshed. But its 'faith' and in this world of ever increasingly being told what to do and what not to do, I'm sure that if I was grieving properly, I'd just be grateful that someone was emotionally at least, with me. I wouldn't try to diminish the value of their thought by filtering out those of the same ideoliogical bias as me.
Moggsters,
Without dragging this painful thread out any further, no one is denying you your faith in lack of faith. But your faith in the lack of faith surely can have no precedence over someone who does have faith. You bravely bite your lip and attend worship on certain occasions and when your family applies it, so is it not a little too much to suggest that you can accept people's condolences at face value when they too, might not be in accord with you? Perhaps people aren't as 'enlightened' as you, perhaps for various reasons, people express themselves in different ways.. but for gods sake, don't have a go at them for it, especially when all they might be about to do, is offer you comfort in the only way they know how.
I would accept that there is a world of difference between being almost hysterical 10 years ago when Diana died, between being mawkish and between muddling through with a set of badly thought out words, as on here. Someone has mentioned not wanting to see 'High Flight' again.. how awful and intolerant is that? How awful that someone couldn't just allow another the chance to express themselves as they know how. It might not be original, but so what?? The Henry V 'Band of Brothers' piece makes me well up just about every time I read it, because thats the person that I now am, I'm afraid. For me, it expresses my respect and feelings and what I feel about a fallen mate (whether or not I knew him) far better than buying a politically correct sympathies card or picking my way through a thesauraus in case I offend.
Whenever I read about Headley Court, or someone in there, like Ben, I feel the same way. I didn't care or ask the staff there what their religious pursuassion was.. I didn't vet them for suitability to as it turn out, offer me comfort or help me along. I was downgraded for about 6 years all in all and I needed as much help, care and yes, love as I could get. That need transcended any thought I might have about of how they might or might not, worship. They were first and foremost people, as was I, so perhaps we should judge people by who they are, and what they do for us, and not so much by what their philosophy on life is. We had our village Summer fete the other week. It was the first time I have ever seen children of so many faiths playing together. It was possibly, the first time that a few of the chilkdren had seen a little black boy and girl.. you know something? They gaped a bit, and got on with the serious act of playing. I'm sure there was a clutch of agnostic and atheist parents too, but strangely enough, no one seemed to mind. Kids can show us much.
Sure, its easy to be cynical and to show how you're at a higher plane by analysing with such incisive clarity how or why people care or express themselves as they do, and we all have our mawkish break point. But in this instance, keep it to yourself mate. If someone does show you love and sympathy when you need it, accept it gratefully. Don't do a critique on it, don't red pen it.. and don't get shirty about it, because there might come a time when you're going to have no one, and believe me, you won't care then where the care comes from. I get a nice tax free and index linked pension from Gordon. It means nothing. If it wasn't for some nasty religious people or some nasty atheists helping me, I wouldn't even be here. So try and see that sometimes people do what they do and what they say because they care, and not because they are trying to offend. And if they don't sit you down beforehand and ask you to fill in a questionare about how you might like to receive your condolences, why not cut them some slack.. they're just doing the best they can mate.
Finally, it has been politely suggested to me that although my deft and elegant manipulation of your words may have resulted in finely crafted prose, it might also be considered bad e-form unless one's manipulation is highlighted. I am happy to now do this and affirm that my only intent was to show you that indeed, there are 2 sides to every coin and you needn't be so evangelical in your approach. If in doing that, I came across as rather too scathing, then I apologise.
Last edited by Al R; 1st Sep 2007 at 10:35.