Talking about my F/Os...
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Well, most of them are great guys, good pilots, and many are personal friends, but there were some in my life that I will never forget. Since it probably does not apply to you, just laugh with my opinions of some of the idiots with whom I had to solo some airplanes... By chance, unlike most captains nowadays, I always had a flight engineer... the most important crewmember.
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A few sentences from flight engineers adressed to me as they were gone out of the flight deck "Hey, Pablo, you are not going to let
that idiot really land the plane, are you?"... "Pablo, I am a professional engineer, and never will be a pilot... and this guy is a professional first officer, he will never be a captain"... "Pablo, I think his brain has been DMI-ed"...
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We had "two-tones Jones" as a F/O with PanAm... he had a high pitched voice, but when taking the mike, to make an ATC report, or a PA to the cabin, his voice became two octaves lower and deeper. Same thing happened when a nice looking female F/A came to inquire about drinks or a meal for us... Jones clicked his switch on his throat, to speak to her...
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Then I remember a flight engineer with long legs, having is his feet almost amputaded by an F/O who moved his seat all the way back. So I briefed my engineers on preflight about that F/O's habits... they used the fire axe to block the movement of the seat to full aft, on the seat tracks.
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Occasionally, I had new F/Os who never had flown with me, and did not know about my sense of humour... One engineer briefed one F/O, while I went to shake hands with passengers... "You know, with Pablo, he his a great guy, but he never will let you land the plane"... "if you want a landing, he will sell you one for 20 dollars"... after 2 landings I did myself, that F/O went in his wallet, and pulled four or five 20 dollar bills and put them on the pedestal... "Can I have the next few landings, Pablo?"... this went on for a few days, I think I got some $200 total out of his wallet... Finally, we had a nice layover in Bogota, and at the bar, the 3 of us, and the 4 F/As got my announcement... "Ladies and gentlemen, the drinks are on the F/O, here is the $200 he paid me the last few days for his "landing fees"...
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Once I got an F/O who had stated that he hated gays... I said to him, with my best lovely smile and a gesture of disappointement "Well, too bad, but I am gay, you know?"... The flight got fine, he was PF, I was PNF... he started the approach, and getting on the ILS, I asked, "Have you ever flown a "coupled" approach, dear?"... he answered "No"... so I did engage the 3 channel autopilot (but not the autothrust), and as he passed 1,000 feet AGL, his hand on the thrust levers, I put my hand on top of his, and we flew a delicious "coupled" approach, hand in hand, with passion... I think it was his worst "approach" ever... Of course, the three of us laughed about it at the hotel bar debriefing, after he learned about my practical jokes... From then on, this F/O is one of my best friends, he keeps on calling me "¡Pablo, mi amor querido!"...
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I will keep the next ones for another occasion...
Happy contrails