A reflection by a pale person
Quote
How many times have you heard somebody say “ I am not a racist but,…..”. Fill in the blanks with some mildly racist comment. Examples would be “Those people expect too much” or “They are simply too sensitive”. Frequently I wish I could revise that statement to “I am a racist and ….”. At least it would be honest.
When I was about 8, I became best friends with a girl in my class. We sat next to each other in the classroom and spent many hours playing and chatting. At home I frequently talked about my friend. Several months later, I invited my friend for lunch at my house. We had a wonderful time, playing with dolls and watching T.V. After my friend was picked up by her mom to go home, my mom asked me “How come you never mentioned that your best friend is black?”. I paused, I had no answer, I never noticed that my friend had darker skin than myself. Until my mother mentioned it, it never occurred to me that my friend was placed in a different category than myself. I simply never thought about it. At age 8 I was completely oblivious to people’s race. I can honestly say that at that point I was not a racist because I didn’t notice peoples race. I reacted to people solely based on their personality and behavior. I am not so innocent now. Something happened while growing up.
Don’t get me wrong. On an intellectual level I fully believe that all people are equal and that everybody is equally entitled to all the good things in life. However every once in while a small subtle incident happens where I have to question myself. For example, few years ago I was in San Francisco on a business trip. I was walking around the down town area. A group of 4 young black men where walking past me. They were chatting to each other and laughing about something. I immediately clutched hard onto my hand bag, as if I was afraid they would try to steal it. Later, when I went to my hotel room, I kept thinking “Why did I do that?”. “Would I have behaved the same way if they were white?”. “Did they notice my behavior? Were they offended?”. I know I would be offended if somebody reacted that way to my mere presence. While this is not the kind of racism practiced by the Ku Klux Klan or neo-nazi groups, it is racist nevertheless. It is a more subtle kind of racism. It is subconscious; I don’t do these things on purpose or with the intention to hurt somebody. It just seems to happen and afterwards I ask myself “Why did I do that?”. I call it subconscious racism. When you behave just subtly different in reaction to somebody’s race.
In the Nelson Mandela’s autobiography “
Long Walk To Freedom
”, there is a story similar to mine. Nelson Mandela was traveling all over Africa attempting to raise money and support for the ANC. He was at the airport about to travel from one destination to another; when the pilot and crew arrived. The pilot was black. Nelson Mandela was struck with a panic attack, he was afraid that the airplane would crash. Intellectually he understood that a black person could do any job as well as a white person, its just that in South Africa he had never seen a black pilot before. Nelson Mandela forces himself to board the airplane despite his fear, he arrives at his destination safely. I reached the conclusion that when you grow up in a racist society some of it seeps into your psyche; no matter how much you appose it. Like pollution in the air, it does end up in your lungs.
Rian Malan, is another South African struggling with his own racism. In his book “
My Traitor's Heart
”, he recounts many moving stories. One in particular about a white woman who one day finds a bleeding black man in her own backyard. She takes him to hospital, but the staff at the emergency department ignore the injured man simply because he is black. The woman yells at them and abuses them until they provide him with adequate treatment. The story travels all over town and from then on, whenever a black person is in need of medical care, they show up at her door step, she becomes the ambulance service for the black community despite the fact that she has no paramedic training. She spends many evenings driving bleeding people to the ER and yelling at the staff there to urge them to provide care.
It seems that you can’t ignore racism, you have to face it head on, as long as it is part of our society it is poising all of us. As for me, I haven’t owned a TV set for years, I believe that my TV set was a source of negative stereo types planted in my head. I focus hard on treating each person as an individual.
“I am a racist, but I want to change.”
unquote
I rest my case, Afriviation.