here's some i got for a friend.
A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American XXX, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the light and return to the airport."
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am XXX) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways XXX, call sign "Speedbird XXX".
Speedbird XXX: "Frankfurt, Speedbird XXX clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird XXX, taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird XXX: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird XXX, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird XXX (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944! -- but I didn't land."
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O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United XXX heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United XXX: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"