Overheard long ago, and since used without permission:
(Tower) " You'll have to squeeze the button and talk into the mike, I can't understand you if you just nod and smile."
Another real oldie.
(ATC) "UTA ### report flight conditions"
"UTA### zay again pleeze"
"UTA### are you VMC or IMC"
"Ahh...we are in and out of zee bottoms."
(QFA##...Broad Aussie accent) "Viva la sport, mate."