Santa is a fake, fraud and something that our Governments have conjured up to divert out attention from such things over the years as, increased taxes, unwanted workplace reforms, invasions of other countires, alleged wars on terror and so on.
And I can prove it!
Here is why Santa is not real. (apologies to any children reading)
1. There are 2 billion children (under 1 in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, thus reducing the workload to 15% of the total 378 million, according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
2. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels East to West (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course we know to be false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting the stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and so forth. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a pokey 27.4 miles per second, a conventionally configured reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
3. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases gross weight, not even counting the sleigh, to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison, this is 4x the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
4. 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy, per second. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 one-thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
Conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
Cheers
Gus Oh, and Merry Christmas!