British Army Answering Machine !
Thank you for calling the British Army. I`m sorry, but all our units are
out at the moment, or otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your
country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis and a number
at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia,
Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits
of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we
will return your call.
Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, please listen
to the following numbers:
- If your crisis is small and by the sea, press 1 for the Royal
Marines
- If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate, good
hotels and can be solved by one or two low-risk bombing runs,
please press 2 for the Royal Air Force (please note this service is not
available after 1630 or at weekends)
- If your situation can be resolved by a big boat, some bunting,
flags, a damn good cocktail party and a first class marching
band, please write, well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The Royal Navy,
Whitehall, London, SW1.
Thank you for calling the British Army, an equal opportunities employer.