Basic Airways PAs:. .. .1. Pre-departure:. .. ."Sit down, strap in, shut up. You will arrive at our destination .001 seconds after I do. Now stop reading or fiddling with electronic toys and LISTEN to the safety brief you're about to be given by the cabin staff.". .. .2. Pre-meal:. .. ."Get back to your seats. You will shortly be fed.". .. .3. Pre-landing:. .. ."Sit down, strap in, shut up. We're about to land". .. .4. Approaching the gate:. .. ."SIT BŁOODY DOWN and do NOT get up again until the seat belt signs have been switched off!". .. .5. Disembarkation:. .. ."We've arrived. Unstrap, get up, go away and don't leave anything behind". .. ....no, of course I'm not being serious!!