Ok,here goes,this is going to be quite a long rambling story and before we get to the nuts and bolts,let me say that I agree that the uk atc is without doubt still one area we are world beaters,although I also admire the U.S.A. 'tin-pushers'.
It was a dark and stormy night ex-LHR and yours truly was in the LHS of a brand new Airbus A340 owned by a well known British entrepeneur also I had been promoted to line trainer with a brand new First Officer alongside me.The destination weather (the old Kai-Tak) was forecast on limits and we were at max weight.There were 4 of us on the flight deck including the two relief guys.
We got airborne on a DVR departure and climbed to 6000 ft., and we stayed there for a considerable amount of time.So my concerns were at this stage a) fuel on arrival HKG and b) the excessive turbulence and obvious discomfort of the pax.
What I did next was wrong.I said to the London controller 'any chance of climb as we have a long way to go'.The response astonished me.I then received a 30 second lecture on the logistic atc problems at the time and how he (the controller) was trying to stop aircraft hitting each other,underneath the Biggin stack etc.,and continued in this generally emotive vein.I guess the witty response to this would have been 'I guess that's a no then!',but we were all a bit shell-shocked by the perceived by us over-reaction.There were about 3 more transmissions prior to handover each with a bitchy rider,culminating in 'I need the captains' name'-again a lot of potentially witty responses to that one but none forthcoming at the time obviously and with sinking heart I gave my name,rank and number.Basically I thought I was in the dwang big-time until my bacon was saved.The next controller called up with something along the lines of 'clear direct to Koksy,climb to FL280 and by the way can I have a word with the captain?'Needless to say I thought more disapproval was winging my way but it transpired that this controller had a friend on board and 'could he sit up front for the landing in Hong Kong?!!'Seizing the moment I said 'of course but could you sort out the little problem with the previous controller?(amusing aside-a Monarch crew who heard the whole sorry episode piped up with'who's a lucky boy then?!')The 'friend' turned out to be another controller and was suitably astonished by the story.On handover to Maastricht Control I was informed that the problem with London was resolved.This precipitated a running crew joke that was side-splttingly funny the first 20 times-Bombay says 'don't worry',Bangkok says 'it's all sorted' ad nauseam.
The sad postscript to all this is that the controller concerned took it upon himself to write me a letter!Obviously along the lines of my lack of professionalism(probably true)etc.Having a life and domestic agenda I filed this letter into the nearest Queens Building gash bag also I did not wish to escalate this drama into a crisis.
That is my only pet peeve with uk atc which I acknowledge is world class.I hope you enjoyed this little Xmas tale and a very merry Xmas and happy new year to all controllers.