The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
The duck can fly.
A checkride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.
It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.
The three most dangerous things in aviation:
A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna
Two captains in a DC-9.
A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
New CASA motto: "We're not happy, til you're not happy."
A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.
Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."