It had been a long busy day, I was on my 10th duty hour......
CC: As youre seated at an overwing emergency exit, can I ask you to pop your bag under the seat in front here for take off and landing...
PAX: No it can stay on the seat here.
CC: Sorry Madam, its a safety regulation to ensure your bag is in a secure area, its just for take off and landing.
PAX: Its safe here on the seat next to me.
CC: If youre not happy for it to go on the floor, I'll just pop it in the overhead locker for you (CC leans over).
PAX: (Jutting leg out to stop my grabbing the bag) For gods sake child, when we take off everything goes that way (pointing to the rear), what is your f*ing problem?
CC: (ouch!) Madam, when we crash, everything goes that way (pointing to the passengers heads in front), now I dont have a problem with that but shall we ask the man in front if he has?
PAX: (hands me bag and sits very quietly)
I used to work for a LCC where pax would pay for their drinks and snacks. We provided a menu in their seat pocket, complete with little pictures, descriptions and prices, and made 2 PAs to ask them to decide before we got to them.
This was a 45 minute flight with 3 crew and approx 150 pax to serve, take money, etc..
CC: What can i get for you?
PAX: Do you have drinks?
CC: Yes we have vodka, G&T, brandy, wine, what would you like?
PAX: What do you have?
CC: Heres the bar on these pages (opens up menu with pictures)
PAX: Do you have alcohol?
CC: Yes what do you normally drink?
PAX: Gin, but what do you have?
CC: Its all there in the brochure, we have vodka, gin, beer, brandy, baileys.........
PAX: So you have gin?
CC: Yes madam what would you like with it? (pointing to pictures of mixer cans in menu)
PAX: What do you have?
CC: tonic, orange, lemonade.....(pointing to pictures at same time)
PAX: Do you have tonic water?
CC: Yes madam. So Gin and tonic then?
PAX: If you have it. Oh and what do you have to eat?
CC: Theres a selection just here in the menu madam, including snacks and sandwiches.
PAX: Do you have any crisps or nuts?
CC: Have you got eyes, you lemon?
PAX: Pardon?
CC: I said, would you like ice and lemon?
(at this point I handed her over to my colleague whilst I checked the flight deck!!!)
Should be a security question at check in: "did you pack your brain in your hold luggage?"