It’s not just military folk who need a well targeted kick. I may have recounted this tale before, but here goes:
I was building the cooling system for a car and needed a length of half inch diameter heater hose. I went to my local Halfords, where I’d bought it from not long before.
I told the young assistant what I needed. He told me they didn’t sell it. I pointed out a box of it sitting very prominently behind him on a shelf. He climbed a step ladder, looked at it and said “No, no this is 12.7mm, not half inch”!
Rather than point out his poor grasp of arithmetic, I said I’d take that instead. He got the box down and warned me that although he would sell me some, they wouldn’t take it back if it didn’t fit…. I said it will be OK.
The counter had a graduated brass ruler fixed along the long edge of the counter, on his side.
He then asked how much I wanted. I actually wanted a length of about five feet, but rather than trouble his metric only mind further, I said I’d like a metre and a half. “Oh no, we can only sell this by the metre” he replied. “In that case”, says I, “No problem, I’ll take two metres”.
I then watched as he measured out a one metre length of hose on the counter and was about to cut it off with a Stanley knife. “No, no!” says I, “I need TWO metres!”
”Yes, I know, but like I said, we only sell it by the metre; I’m going to cut you two metre lengths off”.
At that stage I told him to put the Stanley knife down and to go and fetch his manager….
I later triumphed though. The next time I went back, for something else, they were selling the entire stocks of heater hose off for ten pence per metre, instead of the previous £3.50 per metre. I bought the whole lot, which was an unused reel each of 12.7mm, 16mm and 19mm for a total of £4.50. When I got them home, I realised I had actually bought 30 metres of each, rather than the 15 metres the manager had thought the reels contained.
I’ll never have to buy more heater hose as long as I live!