Don’t be too hard on yourself, there is a lot going on in this situation. I find parallels with learning to juggle.
If you take a young kid who is pretty good at catching and throwing and sit them down in a class room and give them some theory on how to juggle, they will drop the balls the first time they try to implement the theory.
If you give them twenty minutes of instruction and practice they will have some successes but it will take quite a few twenty minute practice sessions before they develop confidence and skill. If they then keep practicing regularly they’ll be able to talk and walk and even make calculations while they are juggling.
This is where you want to end up but it takes practice and currency counts for something.
Another parallel, the kid who got to the ‘walk and talk and calculate’ stage in two days is not necessarily a better juggler than the kid who took three weeks to get to that stage, as long as they are both currently at that stage.
Probably a strange way to look at it but it’s how it seems to me
