1. An Eskimo decides to visit Wales (God knows why - certainly not to watch their rugby!). He's driving happily along through Llanfachnwswr when his car shudders and grinds to a halt. Fortunately for him, along comes Jones the Motor. After a while he looks at the Eskimo and exclaims: "You've blown a seal"
"So f*cking what", replies the Eskimo, "You've probably $hagged sheep........!"
2. Police searching Michael Jackson's mansion announced that they'd found Class A drugs in the living room, Class B in the hallway..............and the whole of Class 5C in the bedroom!