As I remember it, wasn't it something like:
Air Vice Marshal
1. Leaps tall buildings with a single bound
2. Is more powerful than a locomotive
3. Is faster than a speeding bullet
4. Walks on water
5. Sits at the right hand of God
Air Commodore
1. Leaps short buildings with a single bound
2. Is more powerful than a switch engine
3. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
4. Walks on water on calm days
5. Talks to God directly
Group Captain
1. Leaps short buildings with a running start and favourable winds
2. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
3. Is faster than a speeding BB
4. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
5. Talks to God through His liaison staff
Wing Commander
1. Barely clears a modular tent
2. Loses tug of war with a locomotive
3. Can fire a speeding bullet
4. Swims well
5. Talks to himself
Squadron Leader
1. Makes high marks on walls
2. Is run over by locomotives
3. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
4. Treads water
5. Talks to animals
Flight Lieutenant
1. Climbs walls continually
2. Rides the rails
3. Plays Russian Roulette
4. Walks on thin ice
5. Prays a lot
Flying Officer
1. Runs into buildings
2. Recognises locomotives two out of three times
3. Is not issued ammunition
4. Can stay afloat with a life jacket
5. Talks to walls
Pilot Officer
1. Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
2. Says "Look at the choo-choo"
3. Wets himself with a water pistol
4. Plays in mud puddles
5. Mumbles to himself
Warrant Officer/Master Aircrew
1. Lifts buildings and walks under them
2. Kicks locomotives off the tracks
3. Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them
4. Freezes water with a single glance
5. Is God!
I say, SS, what a spiffing jape this all is; could keep one amused until tea-time. Speaking of which, where do you get those jolly little smiling faces that appear on your post?
Walleye, learn this and repeat verbatim when asked, regardless of rank there's very little reply to the above (although methinks perhaps I will be proved wrong below).
Don't let them fob you off with any old twaddle about being a Wizzy or a Wuzzy or whatever those chaps are called. You want to be a pilot and grow a fine moustache and be admired the length and breadth of the kingdom. Remember, tell them that you've never seen a television, you were in the first XI and the first XV, Daddy is something in the city and Mummy makes jam.
JAFO