Why Nobody Likes RAF Police

[fantaman]

I volunteered to help out at the Northolt Families Day and the Station Photocall. Three German Bo105's and a Huey arrived over from Germany.

When the aircraft landed the RAF Cops came up to the Huey to do the normal customs and passport check and noticed the lads in the chopper had brought over a large amount of beer for the party (as you do). Instead of turning a blind eye, the Flt Sgt piped up with this comment!

"Oh well, if they haven't paid duty on it we're going to have to confiscate it"

Fortunately we managed to make him see sense but this is exactly the sort of stuff that makes scuffers the most hated trade in the RAF :mad:

[GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU]

Compared to the Cherry-tops, the Snowdrops are intelligent and flexible of thought!

GBZ

[Violet Club]

...and quite apart from the bad attitude - WHY would they have to pay duty on it??

Coming from another EU nation it's duty paid already!

VC

[fantaman]

Exactly what I said!

[ZH875]

Flt Sgt RAFP, is that one who can read F1250's without the use of the 'Brain on a Chain'?:)

[Roadster280]

In my experience, RAFP are OK as long as they are substantive in their rank. The ones who are acting Cpls are the real arses.

Some quite good blokes at Upavon, years ago, and there were a lot of snowdrops there.

A Flt Sgt must have been in for donkey's years to get to that rank. It surprises me that he took this attitude. Always seemed to be that 230 Sqn or 18 Sqn would bring a couple of cabs full of beer when they came over on exercise from RAFG. Mind you, said snowdrops didn't go on the exercises! Too busy shining the arse part of their trousers in the HQ building.

[Melchett01]

I was going to reply to this. But having been away from the office for over a month, it's good to see things are still as bad as ever and I'm slowly losing the will to live thanks to jobsworths and arseholes (and that's not just the Plods) whose only apparent role is to act as organ donors in times of all out war :mad:

[Blacksheep]

Flt Sgt RAFP, is that one who can read F1250's without the use of the 'Brain on a Chain'?Back in the 70's one RAFP Corporal at Northolt was actually a member of MENSA. :ooh:

I've had ever such a poor opinion of MENSA ever since.

[PPRuNeUser0172]

Well I was trying to resist posting but can't, total w@nkers without exception in my experience.

Just wondering if its an RAF wide policy or just at my lovely abode that OC Police/Shopping trolley clamping is exempt from doing SDO/Orderly Officer?? Can any blunt ones comment? After all they are JO's............

Cant wait to here their excuses for this one, probably all to busy shining their posterior 's in SHQ or re-writing the SRO's (Station Routine Obstructions):mad: :ugh:

[ShyTorque]

Back in the 70's one RAFP Corporal at Northolt was actually a member of MENSA. :ooh:
I've had ever such a poor opinion of MENSA ever since.

Was he a dog handler? Probably just had a clever dog...

[mutleyfour]

Cant understand why they still exist? With reductions in manning levels, job sharing etc and the introdution of MPGS why are they still mincing around stations?

Want to be a policeman, join the Police.

[Maxibon]

Some years ago when organising an airshow at Leeming, I had an office from where they used to set up speed traps. One JT nicked at 22 in a 20mph zone whilst the Staish whizzed past at 38mph recorded. Why don't you nick him I enquired. Embarrased silence, face becoming ever beetroot whilst packing up equipment and leaving. Nine words Snowdrop - yer a cock, yer a cock, yer a cock.

[ShyTorque]

I watched bemused as a Corporal (acting, unpaid, with a gun, not loaded) RAF policeman put a parking ticket on the Staish's official black car with flag flying, shortly after he arrived to kick off a charity football match at RAF Gutersloh. :ugh:

I don't think the "corporal" enjoyed his overseas posting much, after that.., especially as he told the Group Captain (Mike Stear IIRC) to report to the guardroom first thing on monday morning (I don't think he waited that long) :rolleyes:

[wg13_dummy]

Back in the 70's one RAFP Corporal at Northolt was actually a member of MENSA. :ooh:
I've had ever such a poor opinion of MENSA ever since.

MENSA or MENCAP?

I love these threads. They are what Pprune used to be about!

Any lead holders from the RAFP care to comment?


Didnt think so. :hmm:

[PompeySailor]

I watched bemused as a Corporal (acting, unpaid, with a gun, not loaded) RAF policeman put a parking ticket on the Staish's official black car with flag flying, shortly after he arrived to kick off a charity football match at RAF Gutersloh. :ugh:

I don't think the "corporal" enjoyed his overseas posting much, after that.., especially as he told the Group Captain (Mike Stear IIRC) to report to the guardroom first thing on monday morning (I don't think he waited that long) :rolleyes:

See, this is where I go the other way. I take great pleasure in parking my 2* boss' car in the parking space which says "RN Provost Only", and waving at the office window as I walk off on "official business". They have tried, and failed, to get me to stop, as my Boss is not one for holding back when defending his right to have his car parked in the only space that he wants it parked in. And he thinks they are all barstewards as well.

[Bob Viking]

Just ask anyone from the soon-to-be defunct WW2 fighter base in Norfolk what they thought of the recent female OC RAFP. The opinions might not be good family reading!
BV:*

[PompeySailor]

Just ask anyone from the soon-to-be defunct WW2 fighter base in Norfolk what they thought of the recent female OC RAFP. The opinions might not be good family reading!
BV:*

Must be a female thing. I got run by a psycho cat-killer who made a habit of running her brother and boyfriends! She could never work out why a bloke never stayed longer than about a week. Wouldn't be so bad but I bailed her out of a major rate-busting offence that she committed, then she repaid the favour by catching me a week later, and it was only with some world-class squirming that I kept my rate (and job!). Still cost me a couple of hundred quid though.....

[Safety_Helmut]

Has anyone noticed the improvement on the main gates once the MPGS take over. The standard RAF plod was normally too lazy, or too stupid to get off their lazy ass and come out of the guard hut. Generally speaking, the MPGS seem to be friendlier, more personable and oh yes, far more professional about the way they do things.

RAF Plods, cease to do barrier up/barrier down, so what do they do, get the latest speed detection equipment to try to trap the unwary exceeeding the 20 limit on those notoriuosly camp roads. Oh yes, that and parking tickets for parking in the wrong place. W@nkers all of them !

S_H

[Akrotiri bad boy]

Mmmmmmm beer!

This is my area of expertise; currently HM Customs would not be the least bit interested in anything less than 110 litres of beer - per person.
Let's work this out: German beer could well be in 0.5l bottles so that's 220 bottles with 20 bottles per crate that equates to 11 crates per person. Supposing a crew of four over for a weekend jolly that would obviously work out at 44 crates, quite possibly requiring an underslung load!

So Mr Plod, keep your neb out of what you don't understand.:=

[PompeySailor]

Mmmmmmm beer!

This is my area of expertise; currently HM Customs would not be the least bit interested in anything less than 110 litres of beer - per person.
Let's work this out: German beer could well be in 0.5l bottles so that's 220 bottles with 20 bottles per crate that equates to 11 crates per person. Supposing a crew of four over for a weekend jolly that would obviously work out at 44 crates, quite possibly requiring an underslung load!

So Mr Plod, keep your neb out of what you don't understand.:=

Surely it would be a crew of three, as the fourth person would be the pilot, and therefore not drinking before flying? Perhaps Plod was only concerned on a Health and Safety basis, rather than just being a jobsworth, know-nothing t@sser?

[Safety_Helmut]

Anybody ever have the experience of returning to RAF stations from overseas when customs didn't turn up and RAF Plod did the job instead (daft question really, of course you have). HM Customs normally inspected a percentage of passengers/crew, RAF Plod W@nkers just did everyone. Maybe they just can't do percentages.

S_H

[PompeySailor]

Anybody ever have the experience of returning to RAF stations from overseas when customs didn't turn up and RAF Plod did the job instead (daft question really, of course you have). HM Customs normally inspected a percentage of passengers/crew, RAF Plod W@nkers just did everyone. Maybe they just can't do percentages.

S_H

See, wrong service again. RN, we always get HMC&E turn up. They are well known for their prompts of "you bought this before you went, yes?", and "this is for your own personal use, and you have worn it, yes?". Mainly when applied to female clothing, unfortunately...:uhoh:

We fill out declarations as normal, we just don't always remember to put everything on the form. We took some Queens Dragoon Guards to Amsterdam for a jolly - silly buggers kept trying to declare the personal armouries they had bought out there!

[dolphinops]

Is that the Flt Sgt Plod that charged himself ( No Duff ), or the RAF copper that filed a low flying complaint and demanded a reply. :E

[The Nr Fairy]

wg13_dummy:

Any lead holders from the RAFP care to comment?

Because it makes it difficult to type, having paws and all.

[cazatou]

There was a Cpl RAFP at Northolt in the 70's who filed an insecurity report on 32 Sqn because he found that the door to the ALM's office had been left unlocked.

What he failed to notice was that the windows of the office had been removed by contractors and the replacement windows were neatly stacked outside.

Understandably,the last to leave the office could not see the point of locking the door.

[Pontius Navigator]

Met a good OC Police once. Yup, not an oxymoron. His advice was don't be friendly with a policeman; they'll shop you as soon as look as you.

Waddon, 90's. Permanent RAF Plod on door duty - 1250 in, match photo, pass out - pass in, match photo , 1250 in. One day Mrs OC arrives, no 1250 as wife of tends not to be in Air Force. "1250 please" ? "Wait there, I'll call you husband to escort you in" :( "Sorry can't contact him - you can't come in"

Next day? Where's Cpl . . .? Oh, you mean SAC . . .:}





Never let the absolute truth get in the way of a good story; he certainly lost his tapes for a period.

[Confucius]

on those notoriuosly camp roads.
S_H

Presumably those are not straight roads, but ones that are bent or go both ways?

[clicker]

Many years ago clicker was a civvie member of staff to an ATC unit, on camp at a Norfolk airfield with hounds made of metal and interesting Canberra's with lumps of concrete in the nose.

Being a bit of an anorak I asked if I could take some photo's. Permission was given by station admin with two condition's
1/ Permission to be sought from the Sqdn CO's
2/ Hound servicing unit not to appear in photo's

Next day as I was duty dog and the cadet's have been packed off to Marham I decided to take a walk around with the camera. As I'm walking around the edge of the apron a blue mini, complete with snowdrop and dog stops by me and the following takes place.

"Good morning, who are you?"
"clicker"
"What are you doing?"
"Taking pictures"
"Why?"
"For my own personal collection"
"You can't do that"
"Why?"
"You don't have permission"
At this point clicker hands over notes from Sqdn CO's.
"That's not good enough"
clicker hands over note from station admin.
Snowdrop then gets in van, slams door of mini so hard it almost breaks, shouts at dog and departs. clicker can't stop grinning for the rest of the day.

Well mummy did tell me to answer a policeman directly, truthfully and only give replies to what he's asked about.

[NURSE]

Saw TAC police wing training in Kuwait. In 03 got talking to the FSGT at lunch and was informed they only escorted convoys to Camp Coyote and were not allowed to go further north!
Why did the RMP have to investigate an RTA outside the front gate of an Airhead in FRY when there was a shed full of snowdrops on the base.....answer the PM got oh 'we in the RAF police don't do police work we do airfield security and counter inteligence work' :ugh:

Mind you the redcaps can do some brilliant things llike speed checking a tornado taking of in the Falklands

[The Masked Geek]

Flt Lt Police in Bahrain not too long ago.

At the time there was a curfeu and he used to go around getting p1ssed on the basis that he was ensuring people didn't break it.

Then we caught him driving home after one of his drinking sessions.

Then we caught him in the Zebra Bar being writhed upon by several young "ladies" (those of you who have been there will know the sort of ladies I talk of) so we took a photo and owned him for the rest of the Det; bonus.

[DKP1]

picture the scene.....

2 week carrier detachment with a weekend in France followed by another two weeks at sea then home. Interupted by a scuffle in Sierra Leone weended up being on navy boat (will the RN bite??) with no idea of a date to go home we evuntually left after almost 3 months with only 2 weeks kit to keep us company......

We eventually get off onto another tiny boat that took us to a coach at culdrose ish , driven up to Exeter airport where we were met by the best looking Herc I have ever seen! oh and 3 RAFP who asked us all the right questions about our bags and started to stop and search us!!!!! funnily enough they got an ear bending from all of the grumpy chiefs and the best death looks from the lineys "We are only trying to do our job"........TO**ERS!!!

[PompeySailor]

Had this discussion with my Boss yesterday. It seems strange how the RN doesn't really "hate" our police - we treat them more as morale-boosting entertainment value. Also, our police transfer from other branches, you can't join as an RN Copper - which tends to get them called "source branch failures". Also, they live with us in the same messdecks, and work alongside us. Also, if we get caught, we tend to put our hands up and treat it as part of the game - after all, you normally get away with 90% of crime before making a silly mistake.

The Army seem to hate anything that resembles provost, as do the RAF - because they are (or believe they are) pro-coppers? We are not looking forward to tri-service policing as your guys' good/bad habits may rub off on ours.

[Lara crofts pants]

Whilst flagging Muscat for Blighty a couple of years ago in my empty Herc I was informed by the head mover (good guy, honest) that 50 personnel had just had their homeward trip on a Tristar cancelled by 2Gp.

As they had been there a long while I offered them a trip home in my smelly Herc. Smiles and pats on the back all round. That is until the chief Muscat scuffer got involved and insisted on a 100% baggage check. You could feel the glee at his own importance emanating from his every pore. I informed him that we were on a tight timeline and didn't have time to dick around. He then informed me that he was in charge of security at Muscat and the baggage check was going to take place whether I liked it or not. I would have maybe conceded at that point if it wasn't for the fact that I caught sight of a sly grin between said pig and one of his oinklings. I duly rounded up all the pax, got the loadie to sort them out, started the engines, and taxied whilst giving the Muscat coppers a nice 2 fingered salute. Felt real good!

On return to Lyneham I found that they had tried to make a complaint but had been told to F**k off by my Staish. Good chap.

RAFP - All w***ers

[althenick]

I know the Regs in the RN are a bit lacking in the braincell department but the MOD PLOD’S aren’t much better…
#1 Was working in Faslavatory as a Civvy Comcen Techie. Job entailed going round the West of Scotland doing various maintenance jobs in other establishments. This obviously meant taking stuff in and out of CSB for use elsewhere. Now as is required we had to get a signed chitty saying what we were carrying and where it was going. All was well and good until I got my joining instructions for HMS Raleigh. When this came I got my hair shaved (No 1) and slapped in to discontinue shaving. Yours truly looked quite the Sailor, and that’s when the trouble started…
Was walking out of the gate one day with tool case, test equipment and said chitty in hand, was stopped by PLOD and asked to reveal contents of tool case. Now this tool case had about 50 single items within it. PLOD decided that all these should be put on chitty. I (being only 2 months in the MoD) advised PLOD of sheer lunacy of this practice (in a polite way of course) to wit Plod decided that he wanted to speak to my boss and asked for his name…
“Mr Malc…ext **** ” Says I
Plod gets on blower and asks to speak to “WO” Malc… a conversation ensues that put’s plod right in the picture. After coming of the phone, he was in fairness rather apologetic. He said that I looked like Jack and they always made a point of stopping sailors at the gate as they didn’t complain as much about it. At this point I reminded said Plod that (at the time) Civvy’s made up 60% of Faslane’s manning and in all probability would be the more likely culprits for pilfering. He agreed with me and just to equalize the scores ensured that I got checked both going In AND out of the base for the next two weeks.
#2 Again Faslane…
We were getting a lot of calls about Computer Terminals going U/S in the Neptune Admin. It seemed to be sparodic and always seemed to be the keyboards. After a couple of weeks of this I was sent over to find out if there were any issues that may be causing this. When I got there I found one of the UPO keyboards had given up. Had a short conversation with the user and she said that it hadn’t worked properly since RPO To*** had sent a lad down to clean the terminal.
“Oh?” says I, “Do you know what lad cleaned the keyboard with?”
“Yes actually – WD40”
It transpired that said Reg was giving out punishment for minor Mulct’s and thinking the IT equipment could do with a right good clean, and noticing the wonders performed by WD40 on his Motorbike Engine - decided to dispatch said defaulters armed with Pusser’s own variant of the Solvent and cloth. Needless to say even after I got the practice stopped we were still changing out Workstations months afterwards as the WD40 set to work corroding all the components slowly but surely on the recently cleaned equipment!
#3 HMS Raleigh Basic Training – RNR
Got caught without “licence to Breathe” LREG Thought it would be of benefit me by sticking me in a cell for 3 hours (I think it had something to do with me being a Tiff) – It was great! Got a couple of hours Kip and when I got out (early evening) Found that everyone else had squared my gear away for evening rounds.

[Tombstone]

Lara Crofts Pants,

If only someone had taken a few photos of those two sad angry f**kers standing on the pan as you taxied off into the sunset.

Top job! :D

[WPH]

I had the pleasure of spending 4 months at the same Muscat Holiday Resort about 2 years ago as well. Before I went OOA I had formed the opinion that all RAFPs were to**ers too. However, after 4 months I no longer thought this - I knew it! They spent their entire time on security reccees (forget the formal name) - checking out the hotels/ bars/ clubs nobody else could go to and hence catch them at it! Funny none of these locations ever made it onto the approved list of security cleared venues.

Only light entertainment was the Wg Cdr finding all of his security cabinet checks pre-signed for the forthcoming night shift on returning to the office late at night unexpectedly! Priceless!

[NURSE]

on a serious note the only heat illness death on tellic 1-2 was an RAFP

[PompeySailor]

on a serious note the only heat illness death on tellic 1-2 was an RAFP

That's because no-one told him to move away from the funny turbine noisy thing at the back of the big silver birds that fly....it was his bit of tarmac, and he was guarding it.

Sorry

Actually, I think that there was a female SGT RAFP with a self-assisted as well?

[cooheed]

Think you are thinking of the army lass

http://www.operations.mod.uk/telic/rose.htm

[South Bound]

Was on a rather splendid Pizza-eating det where the RAFP 'lifer' (nice room, good rates, treated everyone as if we were spoiling his holiday if we needed anything) had a particular bee in his bonnet about driving standards. Thing is, he was the only person that had had an accident, including writing off a rather nice little Alfa he had while the rest of us had Puntos! He was a git!

[Pontius Navigator]

Only light entertainment was the Wg Cdr finding all of his security cabinet checks pre-signed for the forthcoming night shift on returning to the office late at night unexpectedly! Priceless!

I mentioned this one before. Checking the AWOC Computer one Saturday after the regular power runs. Ran the sheet straight to Comcen and got it photocopied and timestamped. Wish I had had me camera when I handed it in to the guardroom to duty scuffer (kept the copy just to be sure):}

[sweaters]

But then they can create some urban legends not at our expense...

At SHAPE or such place, RAFP on gate...

Staff Car pulls up, RAFP inspects pass/id and waives staff car through..

Car moves a few feet then stops and window of backseat comes down. An irrate German senior officer demands:

"Don't you saulte German officers in the Royal Air Force?"

RAFP Quickly replies: "We don't have any German officers in the RAF!"

Got him a trip to the SBOs office I believe.. Care to comment Biggley.:rolleyes:

[PPRuNeUser0139]

I remember arriving back at Waddo via the TCA after 3 weeks in Pizzaland to find that our bags had been taken to a hangar for 'clearance' by our resident RAFP newarks...
There they were with their mobiles - having 'operational' conversations with each other in overloud voices sounding like Phone-In radio ("I certainly am.."), half of them in civvies, dogs pi**ing all over our bags, marshalling us behind white tapes, with no-one in obvious charge.. what an absolute shower. It was definitely a case of "let's get the Rodneys"..
And these weren't strangers - they were from our own home base..
I think it would be difficult to find a more law abiding bunch than yer average E-3D crew plus lineys.. so many overseas trips that no-one had cause to smuggle an extra bottle or 6 - and yet here were Her Majesty's Finest crawling all over us like a cheap suit.
Gits.

sv

[rock_dove]

The Scuffers may be a bunch of :mad: at times but sometimes they can provide amazing entertainment, such as one night outside the Brize bop. As the night was drawing to a close a few Airmen were a bit tired and emotional and were having a rather physical altercation outside when the trusty Snowdrops appeared to apprehend said Airmen. A long and drawn out scuffle took place as a young (almost definately acting) Cpl attempted to put the guys in the back of the astra estate, eventually after some considerable effort on the scuffers part he succeeded in getting one in the back, shut the door and made for the second offender, meanwhile, unknown to him the guy in the back of the Astra had opened the door and ran off into the night!! By this time there was a large crowd gathered outside that his 'partner' (slightly nervous looking WAF) was hysterically shouting at to behave 'or else!!'

I was amazed to say the least, i thought that during their 'extensive' 8 week Scuffer course they would have been taught to lock the car doors!?? Maybe the need for bulling boots and barrier technician training was more of a priority!!? :ugh: :E

[Hoop Stress]

Sorry, I know its old hat but I just love it...

Whats the difference between an RAF policeman and Adolf Hitler?

Adolf Hitler was a substansive Corporal.

[Pontius Navigator]

We had a problem as Leuchars once during an exercise. Plod waggon was despatched to pick up bunch of enemy aircrew.. All piled into the back behind a metal grill and off went the bravest of the brave, blue light flashing.

Unfortunately they had not collected all the guns. When suggested "take us to the Russian Embassy" they stopped the vehicle and fled - blue light still one, engine running.

We broke out and then got in the front. Slight problem. We could not find the blue magic lantern switch. Every barrier we approached went up and before we knew it we were in civi-land - armed to the teeth with a coupl eof extra SLRs as well as our own SLP.

Outside the camp we turned the wrong way thus giving them time to set up a road block and redeem themselves. Now pointing in the right direction was went back passed the main gate en route St Andrews. Only the fact that we had left families at home and a jet somewhere on the airfield made us go back.

happy days.

[KPax]

Not really RAFP, however within the past week, very junior Army officer, however also a member of a vvvvv important family was arriving at a secret Wiltshire airbase to fly off to Germany to represent the country at the footie. Driver misses turn off for back gate and ends up at main gate. Gate guard stops Range Rover and asks for ID, out comes the ID at which point the guard is heard to say in a loud voice 'oh fcuk' its you, Royal replies, afraid so. CPT person finds whole episode highly amusing as did 'Willie boy'

[RileyDove]

Left my keys in the boot lock of the car. Next morning woke up with note through door . 'Come and collect your car keys from Pod Hq' . Bimble down and ask for keys - 'can you provide documents to prove car is yours?'
Despite knowing me and putting the note through the door have to get logbook! What a complete bunch of W*****S.

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

Did a day trip only a couple of weeks ago where plod, proud as punch mind you, hands over the bag of those very dangerous leathermans and gerbers and boasts how he'd also confiscated two "self administer" combo pen like syringes. He said the passenger had mumbled something about anaphalctic shock but no one was getting past him with something sharp:ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

I enquired of the chalk commander as to who said items belonged to and he explained one of his female Cpl's suffered from an extreme peanut allergy and the syringes were vital to her well being........said items returned immediately but unfortunately plod had smugly dissapeared and like a prat I omitted to submit a route stage to ensure this sort of stupidity never happens again:(

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[cazatou]

A B I W

Send it on a 765B via SMO.

They cannot interfere with Flight Safety or Medical matters.

If they try, or you suspect they might have tried, go straight to GFSO; copied to CFSO and IFS.

Then pop down here and have a beer? New airfield at Brive due to open next year. Perhaps all "Truckies" should check it out?

[PompeySailor]

They are lovely, aren't they? One of th benefits of being in the RN is being co-opted to do something called "shore patrol". This is where us mere mortals are prevailed upon to go and provide muscle and brainpower when the Regulators can't cope - like counting past 5 without taking another shoe off. Anyway, one of the tricks was to put a guy in the back of the wagon, and if he kicked off, shout "chips", at which point the driver would hammer on the brakes, the perp would fly forward into the metal grille, and hence his face would become "chips".

Which is great when the perp is not aware of the trick....so, going home, the perp suddently braces himself and shouts "chips". Driver anchors on, regulator in the back flies forward shouting "no, not chi...." and is rendered unconscious in short order. The car behind could not hear the shout of "chips", and tries to join the perp in the back, who by now is pissing himself with laughter. The driver doesn't know whether to give first aid, take charge of the accident, or secure the perp in the back, so radios ahead saying that he "thought someone had tried to hijack the vehicle, he had one regulator "down", and had been rammed from behind...."

They tried to charge the perp with "intent to endanger life", but at the table he argued that he was only making a request for a fast food stop. And they believed me. Sorry, him. And some of the bastards never, ever, ever, forget a face!:=

[PPRuNeUser0172]

Can we make this a 'sticky' please, seems that everyone has a great story to tell about what a monumentous bunch of c:mad: s the RAFP are.

Not had anyone say a good word yet which speaks voulmes.................

[rock_dove]

This thread is great!! It should be a regular fixture, how about making it a Scuffer Chunder book, a daily log of their complete incompetence and arrogance!!!?:}

[CARAPO]

Having just logged on to this web site I must admit to being saddened at the rubbish being written here. I thought that the military had moved on from the days when you got a high by slating off the different trades. Where did you make this story up from about the FS Cop wanting to confiscate beer? Your life must be so uninteresting that you feel the need to concoct an obvious untruth, perhaps (fantaman) was a typo and you meant to call yourself fantasyman!!!! This story was totally fabricated and no such incident occurred. Having also read the various replies the one quoting (RAFP as only of any use for organ donation in the time of war ) speaks volumes for the mentality of the people using this web site. When you know someone in the RAFP that has died in action thoughts are for family and friends and these comments are offensive to say the least.
If you feel that you need to use this site as a sounding off forum, then perhaps you should get a job that you are better able to cope with.

Hoping your mothers are proud of you.........


o I volunteered to help out at the Northolt Families Day and the Station Photocall. Three German Bo105's and a Huey arrived over from Germany.

When the aircraft landed the RAF Cops came up to the Huey to do the normal customs and passport check and noticed the lads in the chopper had brought over a large amount of beer for the party (as you do). Instead of turning a blind eye, the Flt Sgt piped up with this comment!

"Oh well, if they haven't paid duty on it we're going to have to confiscate it"

Fortunately we managed to make him see sense but this is exactly the sort of stuff that makes scuffers the most hated trade in the RAF :mad:

[BeefyBoy]

Some of you may remember the little "incident" involving the RAFP at Honington in 1980. It so happened, that the contractors sheds on the far side of the airfield were being broken into and things were going missing. After much investigating, and the fact that one of them "blubbed" it was found, that our upstanding lawkeepers were breaking into the contractors teabar and nicking the sweets! As with most things of this nature, this was only the tip of the iceberg and it was also found that they were breaking into the tin hanger where clothing stores kept the old bits of uniform and such like.
The clothing was ending up in an Army Surplus shop in Norwich. The whole police flight was ripped to bits and lots of them got done. I seem to remember they had a parade where a Provost "Big Un" personally ripped the rank tabs from the guilty ones. It was near anarchy for a couple of weeks until the replacements were brought in, and to the amusement of the rest of us someone had been going around with a bit of chalk writing "Have a Break-in, Have a Kit-Kat" :ok:

[PPRuNeUser0172]

Trivialising anyone's death in theatre is out of order, and those comments are not in the spirit of this thread/forum and should be apolgised for.

CARAPO,

Why do you feel the need to berate the whole thread though? Are you in the RAF? After all it is a thread specific to the RAFP and if you aint RAF or RAFP why would you feel the need to read/comment. If you are offended by what you read then that is too bad, but with all due respect, this is a public forum and although moderated, people will write what they want.

You suggest that you may be ex military by your comments about how we (the military) had moved on? So what are you saying there, that it was ok for you and your ilk to slag your brethren off but we cant do it anymore?

I don't see why you think stories have been fabricated for effect, I am sure we have all got better things to do than make stuff up, and if you are/were in the RAF then you would easily be able to believe some of things RAFP are capable of. We don't need to invent stories about the scuffer's, they really are capable of dropping themselves in it.

Finally, who gave you the right to moderate this forum, accusing people of "sounding off" and changing jobs?? If you dont like the forum mate, don't read it. Simple eh?

If you are RAFP, then perhaps you would like to start the counter-argument but you are probably all to busy with 'counter-intelligence'. What an appropriately named string to the RAFP's bow.

[brickhistory]

quote:I thought that the military had moved on from the days when you got a high by slating off the different trades.



Well, it appears that you'd be mistaken!

quote: After all it is a thread specific to the RAFP and if you aint RAF or RAFP why would you feel the need to read/comment.

Because it's hilarious to read!

DS, re your following post, absolutely!

[PPRuNeUser0172]

Brick,

not disputing that in the slightest, merely pointing out to our new friend Carapo that he needs to stop being so sensitive, either that or stop being an RAFP.

Long may the banter go on:E

[rock_dove]

Hear hear, well said Mr Sanchez:D :D :D

[PompeySailor]

Carapo isn't one person - it's an entire shift pattern of coppers. It's taken them all week to get a reply up, as they can only be responsible for 5 keys on the keyboard each (and it's the FS job to press the "return" key).

Yes, they are stupid. I was arrested in Gib for fighting Gibbo coppers, and eventually released the next morning into the Provost custody for return to the ship. That night, I was shore patrol. I climbed into the van, and sat there waiting was the driver and crew from the night before. The best they could manage was "you look familiar, have I served somewhere with you?". It took me about 6 hours to admit that I was in the back of their van that morning fresh from the concrete Hilton.

And I got away with the charge of D&D and fighting. I was arrested with someone else who was also scrapping, and we decided to prolong the plea until the ship sailed. Once it sailed, we went up in front of the CO and pleaded "Not Guilty". Knowing full well that he would then tell us he would have to return us, plus witnesses, at our cost, to Gib to face their court, we changed our plea to "Guilty" based on the premise that it would be better to be punished by the RN than to drop ourselves on the corrupt system that is Gib law (we had a member of the crew who was pushed though a shop window by a copper, witnessed by about 10 people. He was charged with breaking and entering, and intent to steal drugs (it was a chemist). He was found guilty and fined 000s.....) He panicked as we were making the plea under duress, and ran off to phone the legal bods.

We were eventually charged with using "foul and abusive language" and fined one day's pay. Result.

[Doctor Cruces]

Hey Beefy,

I was at Eastern Radar when thet took place. I remember every time some one went up to the canteen thay'd ask for a cuppa and a dog biscuit and got rewarded with a nice brew and a Kit Kat.

I also rmember when I was at MPA, the Scuffers took one of their dogs off for a bit of obedience training and it ran away!!

Ah, great days

:)

Doc C

[Doctor Cruces]

Whilst on the subject, I was bimbling around MPA one snowy and windy evening having returned from the mighty Red Eagle Airways and I turned a corner to be confronted by an RAFP with the biggest, ugliest Alsatian I had ever seen. Somewhat stunned by its size and ugliness I was forced to exclaim, "My God, where did you get that ugly brute?" and the dog said "Newton."

Sorry

No, not really :) :)

Doc C

[Pontius Navigator]

You couldn't make it up.

Didn't hear about Honington but nice to know that we were not alone at Finningley. What was worse was the night patrol was a joint RAF/RAFP. The RAFP guy was obviously the regular night watchman and the RAF guys were on rotation in the guardforce.

[fantaman]

Where did you make this story up from about the FS Cop wanting to confiscate beer? Your life must be so uninteresting that you feel the need to concoct an obvious untruth, perhaps (fantaman) was a typo and you meant to call yourself fantasyman!!!! This story was totally fabricated and no such incident occurred.
Yes thats right, I have nothing better to do than sit at night making up false stories about those wonderful men in their white caps! After bumping into the same SNCO later that day, I'm convinced it wasn't a one off! He really was a t:mad: t!

CARPO, have you noticed how there are 65 replies in this thread and not one of them has something good to say about the RAFP? Maybe its conincidence?

[Lara crofts pants]

I thought that the military had moved on from the days when you got a high by slating off the different trades.


o

Different trades? You are mistaken old bean - just RAFP, because they are ALL a complete waste of space and money

[Ali Barber]

Got called out in the middle of the night at Binbrook as plods had found a small window open in the hangar toilets. I was needed to attend to verify that all the aircraft were still there! I told him there was one less than normal - I wasn't lying, but I knew it was in another hangar!

Another incident during the Bosnia fracas. Tanker wanted to move from small military runway elsewhere to big civil runway at Pisa (better selection of pies). Plods insisted on checking security before the aircraft moved. Plod climbs off aircraft and is promptly arrested by Carabineri for illegal carriage of a firearm. Took a few days to get him sprung, but nobody was in a great hurry! Tanker moved anyway!

[NURSE]

Unfortunatley the RAFP didn't die on an airfield he died in a tent in the desert.

[Lara crofts pants]

Oct 2001. Pre 1st Afghan push.

Upon reading the Pre-push Op Order tasking each unit - "** Sqn will supply x amount of aircraft and x crews to be ready by...." etc etc. I stumbled upon the following line right at the bottom:

"RAF Police in theatre are to be in possession of a spare notebook"

Made us laugh, and in fact, says it all

[CARAPO]

You still do not get it do you. I am not an RAFP person, but was a very good friend of the said person that died. He was an extremely nice young man, who had every thing to live for. The Forces do not need serving members like you who do not even pocess the intelligence to work out the value of a human life. In reply to (fantasyman) I notice that you are no longer collaborating your story and have had to revert to saying that your suspicions were confirmed after a sighting today of the said SNCO RAFP. Back up your first story and you may receive a little more credability.
I also notice that the majority of the people that are slating the RAFP only do so because of the run ins. does that not tell you somthing about yourself, Like I said previously, find a job where you are better able to cope.



Unfortunatley the RAFP didn't die on an airfield he died in a tent in the desert.

[Lara crofts pants]

You could always not bother reading the thread!:bored:

[DKP1]

it takes a certain type of person to shop their mates in for their own personal advancement........usually one that has low intelligence and wears a white hat to work.......

And CARAPO, I feel for your loss but someone can be a nice young man socially but an absolute pain in the office etc......

In the main you wouldn't trust an RAF copper as far as you could throw him.......

[On_The_Top_Bunk]

Got called out in the middle of the night at Binbrook as plods had found a small window open in the hangar toilets. I was needed to attend to verify that all the aircraft were still there! I told him there was one less than normal - I wasn't lying, but I knew it was in another hangar!


Do you remember an incident at Binbrook probably about 1986 when an RAFP found a large package strapped to a bowser whilst on patrol?

It's a shame he was after smarty points and placed it there himself. :ugh:

Of course the Station was at a standstill for hours. Followed by prison and dishonorable discharge for said Plod.

[Lara crofts pants]

I also notice that the majority of the people that are slating the RAFP only do so because of the run ins. does that not tell you somthing about yourself, Like I said previously, find a job where you are better able to cope.


If you re-read the threads old boy I think you will find that they are examples of people "coping" with their jobs despite the obstacles that the RAFP idiots continually put in their way:ugh:

[PompeySailor]

You still do not get it do you. I am not an RAFP person, but was a very good friend of the said person that died. He was an extremely nice young man, who had every thing to live for. The Forces do not need serving members like you who do not even pocess the intelligence to work out the value of a human life. In reply to (fantasyman) I notice that you are no longer collaborating your story and have had to revert to saying that your suspicions were confirmed after a sighting today of the said SNCO RAFP. Back up your first story and you may receive a little more credability.
I also notice that the majority of the people that are slating the RAFP only do so because of the run ins. does that not tell you somthing about yourself, Like I said previously, find a job where you are better able to cope.

Definitely a RAFP. Schoolboy errors like "pocess* the intelligence" are obviously placed there to distract us whilst we "collaborate*" our stories and restore our "credability*". Or "somthing*".

Sorry for the loss, as we all are, but we deal with things like that in different ways. If you aren't one of us, then you probably can't understand it. God knows how you would cope if you ever visited ARRSE!


*For future reference:
Possess
Corroborate
Credibility
Something

[BEagle]

At Brawdy many years ago I once went back to get something from the office after hours. Got key from guardroom, insert into lock, fumble, fumble...

"RAF POLICE - WHO ARE YOU!!" or words to that effect from inside the building. Greeted by bristling Air Vice Corporal who announces that "HI HAVE FOUND THIS BUILDING HINSECURE....", referring to the Army radio aerial lead poking out of a window. He'd managed to get his arm through, then somehow opened the main window in the JFACTSU office. "HI SHALL BE MAKING HAN REPORT" he went on. "OK, OK - it's nothing to do with me - they were still here when I left this afternoon. I'm just collecting something from my office", quoth I.

A few minutes later he reappeared. Rather sheepish looking and somewhat less aggressive...

"Err, excuse me sir, have you seen........a, errm....dog?"
"Would that be an alsatian, by any chance?"
"German shepherd, actually sir. I told him to stay when I was getting in through the window...and he seems to have f*cked off"
"Oh dear, what a pity. Will that be in your report as well?"

Never did find out what happened to War Dog Fido. But the rest of the Plod thought it was hilarious when the JFACTSU boss rang them the next day to explain about the aerial lead through the window.

[fantaman]

In reply to (fantasyman) I notice that you are no longer collaborating your story and have had to revert to saying that your suspicions were confirmed after a sighting today of the said SNCO RAFP. Back up your first story and you may receive a little more credability.

Why do I have to back up my story? Why do I need more creditability?

You mention that you're not a RAFP, so why are you getting so worked up over this thread? Never mind though, keep posting because your giving me a right good laugh :}

Oh and you would be doing well to read my post again! I said it was confirmed after a sighting of the same SNCO later that day :=

[Lara crofts pants]

and me too

[PompeySailor]

Almost, it was the WO RAFP at Bruggen, who having previously charged some of his lads for being late, wanted to do the same to himself for being tardy one day!! :\

Same WO tried to berate me for sending SAC Bloggs (CO's driver) home immediately to see VSI parent in Cork...... I hadn't waited for the 24 security clearance to come through...... :ugh: I had been up all night on a particularly exciting SDO (4 compassionate cases to deal with after midnight, plus the standard NAAFI fights - luv the Rocks!! ;) ), so he woke me up to tell me this. Told him where to go...... & his Sqn Ldr boss a few mins later. Shame, his boss was quite a reasonable character (Ken H**k - on my OCTU) - is he still about??

There is a genuine rule in the RN which says that the only people allowed to wear tie-clips are RN Regulators. I know, because I got picked up for wearing one, and thought I would go and check the regs before ramming them up the smart-arses backside.

He was right:( - and no-one has any idea why this regulation exists, other than the regulators have a nice little crown as a tiepin which identifies them. Or perhaps reminds them in case they forget.

[teeteringhead]

And speaking of drunken rocks in the Naafi ....

One time a few years ago at EGAA, a rock SAC was "chemically inconvenienced" after the Naafi hop. Naming no names, he was a fairly distinctive character, being 6' 4", of mixed race, and with the Squadron badge tattooed across the front of his neck!!

Staggering back to his block, he was stopped by Snowdrop on main gate who demanded his 1250 (ID card) which he had neglected to take with him. After some discussion, he sets about barrier and police box (by now containing A/Cpl barrier lifter AND RAFP Officer) with a handy fire-axe, before proceeding to block and drunken sleep......

.... but not for long. the SWAT Team from Aldergrove's Finest descend on the block, complete with weapons, dogs etc etc, break down SAC's door and nick him. Coversation as follows:

RAFP: You're nicked sunshine (or words to that effect)
SAC Rock: It's a fair cop guv, but how did you know it was me??
RAFP: Of course we knew it was you!! You are 6' 4", of mixed race, with the Sqn badge etc etc....
SAC Rock: If you knew who I was, why ask for my f:mad: 1250!!!!

[Cumbrian Fell]

Was at a not-so-secret Oxonian airfield that doesn't operate wide-bodies (fnar fnar!) and was sent pdq out to the desert in the wake of 9/11. I was also preparing to take up an interesting post overseas working with the USDOD, so had left my DV forms with the SNCO Plod (with a silly surname) to forward to the DVA in York. Four months later I returned to find the forms were still siting in his in-tray. When I enquired as to why, he replied that my signatures had lapsed (a 3 month life) and therefore he could not send them off. When I sugested that it was not beyond the wit of man to have explained to DVA why the signatures had lapsed (ie I was personally fighting Saddam or UBL or whoever), he replied in a somewhat supercilious manner 'that it was not his job to do so'. I reminded him that he was a SNCO but a f£%kwit (by the way, I am not conflating the two); the delay caused enormous grief for me in my new appointment with some otherwise affable American civil servants. It also necessitated DVA dispatching one of their IOs to my overseas location to carry out the interview.

Oh, he complained about my 'tone' and I had to proffer an appology. And to think that my career was hung up by a guy that probably didn't have an O level...

[Maple 01]

Is that the Flt Sgt Plod that charged himself .....

Copper at Neat that charged himself for walking from the R30 to the Fire Section without a hat (distance 10 feet, out of line of sight)

[porky841]

I was a plod for 12yrs before I finished up and returned to civvy street, and its good to see that you jockey's still think highly of our trade.
I remember getting call's usually in the early hours for a BLT from the mess, looking after you all on detachment's and being fair on the old custom's side when I was dealing with you all at Colt and Waddo.
Covering up little indescretions and covering your arse's when you would get pissed fall over or set things on fire, and help picking up the pieces when one of you go in.
I am not saying that our trade is perfect but like all trade's in the mob we have our to:mad: s but you can not judge us all the same. And for those of you who seem to think we are unintelligent a lot of us hold degree's (in somethings worthwhile) or have arms full of GCSE's, A levels and other qualifications.
So some of you need to think before you speak, & remember we are one of the oldest trades in the RAF having been around a lot longer that some of the Sqn's and kept you safe in your beds at night.

[Maple 01]

you who seem to think we are unintelligent a lot of us hold degree's (in somethings worthwhile)
But presumably not English! BTW, not only do Aircrew hate Coppers, 'Guins and Rocks do too! We're all here, not just winged gods.:p

On quiet reflection I might have been Waaaahed........:O

[porky841]

But presumably not English! BTW, not only do Aircrew hate Coppers, 'Guins and Rocks do too! We're all here, not just winged gods.:p

On quiet reflection I might have been Waaaahed........:O

Its been a long day so the speeling and speeach are starting to go :bored:

[PPRuNeUser0172]

porky

Give us a break, better still give us a break down of your academic prowess (that means superior skill);)

It is always the same old argument in defence of the RAFP, "we keep you safe whilst you are alseep in your beds................" Yawn. Have you quite finished pontificating about how you are older than Trenchard himself and, as a trade possibly the most obstructive and totally pointless bunch of morons to grace us with your presence.

The only thing that you do whilst we are asleep is look for shopping trolley's to clamp or out of date tax discs/vehicle passes. I have to hand it to you, I honestly cannot see the attraction mate. Maybe you could enlighten us about what gives you a buzz!

In the meantime remember this, the RAF is here to project Air Power and in that sense, those who do not fly are there to support those who do.

[cooheed]

But presumably not English! BTW, not only do Aircrew hate Coppers, 'Guins and Rocks do too! We're all here, not just winged gods.:p

On quiet reflection I might have been Waaaahed........:O

We are all here Maple, well some of us

[porky841]

I am not here to defend the actions of some but us who went before were not all bad, the trade has changed and there are a lot of jobs worths now, thats why I am glad I left. But I try to remember the way it was, and it will be a sad day when you all end up back as a Corp in the Army, fighting El presidents battles for him, I am glad I am well out of it. So enjoy yourselves

[Lost & Filed]

porky

Unfortunately, there are jobsworths all over the place in no matter what trade you look. As a Guin as the Rocks call us - or shiny arses to everyone else, I have a few tales of my own to tell with the first one happening well over 10yrs ago at my first unit. This was at Cottesmore when it was still TTTE. I had been babysitting for OC Eng at the time and left when they came home in the wee hours of Sun morn, I duly left and started the walk back to the female accom. RAFP Dog Handler was following behind - too close and not so quiet - that I could hear the dog breathing. Got round the corner of SHQ and conversation goes something like this:

RAFP: Stop stand still, where have u been

Me turning to face him: Well you should know seen as you've been following me for the last 10mins

RAFP: Have you got any ID on you.

Me: Yes thanx.

RAFP: Show me your ID

I get my F1250 out and proceeds to show it to the dog.

RAFP: How dare you, where are you going

Me trying hard not to laugh: To my bed

RAFP: where's that

Me: the female block, obviously

RAFP: I'm going to report you to my boss

Me: Go for it - I'm off to bed - see you in the office Monday

RAFP: I'll not be in front of the boss you will

Me: We'll see

Monday morning I was called over to OC RAFP office, walked in said alright sir, he says SAC ******* please leave my young coppers along. I replied with - as soon as you teach them properly I'll stop joking around with them and then promptly walks out as said young copper walks in and gets rollicking of his life.

Don't you just love them.

[Lost & Filed]

How do you clear a liney crewroom in 5 secs flat????

Get an RAFP Dog handler to walk in with a lox pot asking who does this foaming thing belong to.

This actually happened (or so I'm led to believe from reliable sources)

Other thing that happened was a sub Cpl RAFP was cleaning his pistol in the office and subsequently shot his desk due to not making sure it free of any rounds. OOOOPPPPSSSS

Funny old thing both of above happened at TTTE as well. Said Cpl got slap on hand, if it had been anyone else we would have been charged for having an ND.

[Lost & Filed]

Whilst working in the SHQ Typing Pool before converting to Pers Admin, a young OC RAFP (F/O) walks into the office asking about our security procedures for end of business and how we go about locking things away etc etc.

He proceeding to tell me that after 4yrs of doing the same thing day in day out that I was contravening Station Security Orders and that I should start doing it his way because he had just come off a computer security course.

I proceeded to tell him that he was wrong and I was right. He might very well have done a computer security course, but what he was talking about was complete and utter BS and to butt out of trying to tell me how to run my office the way that it should be run in accordance with JSP 440.

He then tried to tell me again that I was doing things wrong, this time I butted in and asked him if I came over to his office and told him how to run his Police Flt - he said no - so I said then don't come over here and tell me how to run my office when it is within the convines of the security orders and you don't know what the hell your talking about so get out of my office now. Sir.

Funny old thing I was up in front of my boss within 5mins, who did say yes I know he's a w:mad: r, but just humour him and make him think he's right.

Funnily enough though I never did see him again in my office :)

[peppermint_jam]

This took place early one morning a good few years ago at a former v bomber base in sunny Lincolnshire. Myself and my mate were entering our building, where there used to be a copper on the picket post to exchange F1250's for a building ID card.

A/Cpl (unpaid) RAFP : ID please, and take your hat off inside the building.
SAC removes berret to reveal the biggest mess of hair imaginable.
RAFP : Right, I'm going to charge you for not having a hair cut
SAC : Who are you? The SWO?
RAFP : no
SAC : Well Fu#*£ng do one then.

SAC goes walking down the corridor to his place of work, jumped up little idiot goes running after him, yelling all the way. He tries to charge SAC but fails, however, JEngO has now entered building, seen what happened and has snowdrop charged for abandoning his post.

Priceless.

[Lost & Filed]

f:mad: g ace - get in there LOLOLOLOLOL

don't u just love em

jumped up little two rags LOL

[Art Field]

Some years ago at Marham field OC Plods was obnoxious straight out of plod school F/O, incredibly full of his own importance. A nasty car accident occured just off camp by the airfield back entrance and himself went roaring off in his Land Rover to join the proper police at the scene. After a couple of minutes with our man getting in the way the civvy copper went up to the prat and told him to take his wagon back onto the airfield or he would charge him with driving an illegal vehicle as all his tyres were worn out. Rapid withdrawal of red faced idiot.

[rock_dove]

FAO Porky:
Yes, you may be one of the oldest trades in RAF but as for keeping us safe in our beds!!?? Who told you that one? Your duties extend only to (unconvincingly, see my earlier post) lift drunken airmen and harass the rest of the RAF who are doing, in general, important, operational jobs. Your main duty, that of barrier technician, is being taken away from you, not to be given to a professional outfit such as M.O.D police, but SERCO security housewives!!! The best bit about it all though is they even make them wear your daft hats and fluorescent coats! :}

[Lara crofts pants]

Safe in our beds??????

I thought that any problem that actually did need Police assistance was always "out of our jurisdiction" if deemed to be a little bit scary - such as dispersing noisy yobbos from outside quarters (probably sons of coppers anyhow).

Now, trying to catch people riding their bikes without lights - yup, easy and safe enough that one.

[aes69]

Unfortunatley the RAFP didn't die on an airfield he died in a tent in the desert.
I understand that some of my colleagues have been OTT in the past, and some are in need of re-education in the manners dept, but what has the above comment got to do with SOME RAF Police being wasters and the centre of your crewroom banter?

On the whole, I have found aircrew to be a good laugh and have always looked after me and my team when down-route. So I ask why, the above statement has gone almost unchallenged? Is this part of your crewroom chuckles, or has it been ignored because you too have no idea of it's worth in this thread?

Nurse, can I ask what effect you desired from adding the above comment? Is the word 'unfortunately' used to indicate the how tragic the event was?

FYI, the serviceman in question was on patrol for several hours in ECBA, in a normal WOLF L/R, on orders from 5 RMP. I fail to see how the lads trade had any bearing on his unfortunate death.

[rock_dove]

aes69, yes, you are correct, i am, and im sure the majority on the thread are, ignoring that statement as it is frankly apalling. Some people just take things to far, the death of any service personnel is tragic, be he/she a pilot, supplier or RAFP.

On a lighter note, has anyone else heard the rumour that the Dog plod erm, how should i put it, provide their brain on a chain 'hand relief'??!
(you know, :mad: em off!!)

[Lost & Filed]

I have heard that

and I must admit it came from my first husband who was RAFP then went dog handler and he was the one that told me that 14yrs ago

[rock_dove]

And the First husband and Rover lived happily ever after............!!!!:E
sorry, couldnt resist!

[Lost & Filed]

yeah yardy yardy yar yar

i could tell u a few things about him as well LOL

but let's not go down that road

[aes69]

No please do, or just a surname would do!

[Lost & Filed]

no no can't do that

let's just say that the coppers that i know that i've seen since ikicked him out have turned round and said what the hell did i see in that w:mad: r let alone get married to the c:mad: t - it's true - love is blind

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

So what does that tell us about your oral technique L and F:E

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[rock_dove]

Oooh, you are a wag ABIW!!:p

[cazatou]

I have to confess I am guilty of a "serious security breach".

Cpl Plod discovered an "Accident Report" classified "Secret" in an unlocked filing cabinet in my office.

When SASO asked me to explain this grievous security breach, I pointed out that the report was dated "1926"!!

[porky841]

Safe in our beds??????

I thought that any problem that actually did need Police assistance was always "out of our jurisdiction" if deemed to be a little bit scary - such as dispersing noisy yobbos from outside quarters (probably sons of coppers anyhow).

Now, trying to catch people riding their bikes without lights - yup, easy and safe enough that one.

Sorry should have said kept your wives and girlfriends safe in our beds when you Sqn lads are on your little jollies around the world. Or I remember having to pick up wive's from the back of the Naafi and help dress themselves as the were to pissed to pull up there own knickers:yuk: , we were ordered to stop logging these incidents as there was that many on bop nights.
So how many of you crowd are bring up SAC Bloggs kids LOL

[November4]

They are lovely, aren't they? One of th benefits of being in the RN is being co-opted to do something called "shore patrol". This is where us mere mortals are prevailed upon to go and provide muscle and brainpower when the Regulators can't cope - like counting past 5 without taking another shoe off. Anyway, one of the tricks was to put a guy in the back of the wagon, and if he kicked off, shout "chips", at which point the driver would hammer on the brakes, the perp would fly forward into the metal grille, and hence his face would become "chips".

Which is great when the perp is not aware of the trick....so, going home, the perp suddently braces himself and shouts "chips". Driver anchors on, regulator in the back flies forward shouting "no, not chi...." and is rendered unconscious in short order. The car behind could not hear the shout of "chips", and tries to join the perp in the back, who by now is pissing himself with laughter. The driver doesn't know whether to give first aid, take charge of the accident, or secure the perp in the back, so radios ahead saying that he "thought someone had tried to hijack the vehicle, he had one regulator "down", and had been rammed from behind...."

They tried to charge the perp with "intent to endanger life", but at the table he argued that he was only making a request for a fast food stop. And they believed me. Sorry, him. And some of the bastards never, ever, ever, forget a face!:=

Pompey

Read this while at work teaching a group of people and laughed so much that they all gathered round computer to see what was so funny.

The group were.....real policemen and agreed with everything that was said here about Military "coppers"

Then couldn't get the bu$$ers back to the lesson as they all insisted on reading this thread all the way through. Still brightened up the lesson.

[PPRuNeUser0172]

Let's face it, a woman would have to be completely sh!tfaced to get off with an RAF copper, probably why the jumped up little turds hung around out side the bop:E

There you go again, telling us how much we couldn't cope without you, I promise you we could, just give us a chance..............please

[porky841]

Let's face it, a woman would have to be completely sh!tfaced to get off with an RAF copper, probably why the jumped up little turds hung around out side the bop:E

There you go again, telling us how much we couldn't cope without you, I promise you we could, just give us a chance..............please

You really are a bunch of muppets on this post, you bite at anything. Get a life and get a job I am so glad I am no longer part of that tin pot operation that is now the RAF. Your wife wasn't that pissed and was ever so grateful:p

[PompeySailor]

Pompey

Read this while at work teaching a group of people and laughed so much that they all gathered round computer to see what was so funny.

The group were.....real policemen and agreed with everything that was said here about Military "coppers"

Then couldn't get the bu$$ers back to the lesson as they all insisted on reading this thread all the way through. Still brightened up the lesson.

Glad it brightened up their day. I'll remember that next time one of the buggers pulls me up in the staff car when I am shortcutting through a bus-only route.

I never knew that when a 2* tells you "it's OK, I'll tell them it was my idea", he may be lying!:E

[PompeySailor]

You really are a bunch of muppets on this post, you bite at anything. Get a life and get a job I am so glad I am no longer part of that tin pot operation that is now the RAF. Your wife wasn't that pissed and was ever so grateful:p

Now, Porky has a problem. That was his fifth post. As we all know, he has now run out of fingers on the non-typing hand. It means he has to resort to feet, or he has to find a buddy to do the counting for him.

Life? Check.
Job? Check.
Sense of Humour? Check, twice. I must have picked up Porky's by mistake.

[porky841]

Now, Porky has a problem. That was his fifth post. As we all know, he has now run out of fingers on the non-typing hand. It means he has to resort to feet, or he has to find a buddy to do the counting for him.

Life? Check.
Job? Check.
Sense of Humour? Check, twice. I must have picked up Porky's by mistake.

Don't drop your soap now

[aes69]

Porky, arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics, even if you win, you're still retarded! :ugh:

[PompeySailor]

Porky, arguing on the internet is like running in the Special Olympics, even if you win, you're still retarded! :ugh:

Don't discourage him. He is still trying to get over the shame of losing in the Sun crossword competition.

To his alsation.

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

In his best Neil from the Young Ones voice

"Hey everybody looks like the pig has has lost his cool":p

Hey Porky now you know why EVERYONE hates the RAFP........you are a bunch of humourless t@@sers:E

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[porky841]

This forum used to be good and I read a lot of nice things on here over the years, and took some comfort when we lost 2 from 54 sqn that we knew well and respected, but I can see now its been over run by muppets.

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

Not seen a post from a mover yet Bacon me old china:p

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[BEagle]

Just for a change - a big thank you to the RAFP chaps and chapesses who served at Incirlik.

Whenever one of Uncle Spam's mindless cannon-toting steroid-munching halfwits pulled in some RAF mate for walking on the cracks in the pavement, wearing a loud shirt in a built up area, 'not dur-ing at a Dur' or some other such nonsense, our RAFP folk extracted them from the boneheads' clutches toot-sweet.

A number of morning O-groups for the VC10 Detco involved thanking the UK boss for the way the RAFP sorted things out when the anal spams wanted to make an issue of nothing.

And another thank you to the poor $ods who used to have to guard our jets in various parts of the world whilst we were in the hotel or out on the tiles. In particular the team we took to Hradec Kralove who had a great time with the Czech rozzers as neither could speak a word of the others' language!

Some RAFP banter is well and fine - but this thread is getting into the gutter somewhat.....

[cazatou]

aes 69,

You are totally and utterly out of order!! An inqualified apology to all those who suffer physical disabilities is the least you can do.

A few years ago my Wife was asked by a friend if she could take with her on a journey to Yorkshire the Olympic swimming medals that her friends Son had won at the "Special Olympics" as he was giving a presentation in support of the "Special Olympics".

There was one Gold, as well as two Silver and three Bronze medals in the collection, won by a young man who has a totally withered arm. His sport - "Butterfly stroke swimming"!!

The "Young Man" was awarded the MBE in this years New Years Honours list for services to Sport!!

[RileyDove]

On a TTTE bolthole to sunny Norfolk a plod is seen inspecting said Tornados on the line. After a few minutes said plod comes in with irate liney - 'I want SAC **** charged for signing out aircraft with bald tyres!'
Enter SENGO picking up blower - 'FS plod come and get your CPL Plod now before the lineys sort him out' !

[4fitter]

Although having giggled throughout most of the threads and in my younger days baited said snow drops, I must follow the example of BEags and say I have had more support than grief. Thank you to the guys at the Ski Champs who ensured that a large number of our brethren avoided nights in foreign cells.

[brickhistory]

Whenever one of Uncle Spam's mindless cannon-toting steroid-munching halfwits....
....the RAFP sorted things out when the anal spams wanted to make an issue of nothing.

Some RAFP banter is well and fine - but this thread is getting into the gutter somewhat.....


Really?! Do tell!

[Lord_Pete_Imbert]

I agree entirely with Baldeagle.

When I did my national service in the RAFP, I found them all jolly nice chaps, as well as thoroughly professional in their day to day jobs.

I decided, though, not to extend my service as I was thoroughly fed up with the moronic behaviour of many of those outside the branch who had been to 'Sleaford Tech' and thought they were the bees-knees to the RAF.

When I later joined the civilian police, I encountered hundreds of RAFP in the 4 decades before I retired, particularly when I reached quite senior rank, and always remained highly impressed with them, whatever rank they were at the time.

Some of my fondest memories were when I was Chief Constable of Thames Valley Police, and I would often pop into Abingdon or Benson for a coffee with the RAFP on duty.

And then when I was appointed Commissioner of the London Metropolitan Police, I had similar experiences with the chaps at Northolt.

Ah yes, those grand ole days!

Sad though, to see that the RAF has still not got it's aircrew and officer selection procedures correct, with far too many morons slipping through the net, as evidenced by the remarks by many of them on this thread.

I am convinced, though, that things will improve when the RAF is disbanded and it's assets taken over by the RN and Army. Those 2 services would never tolerate having such mindless idiots in their ranks.

When I used to dine with the various Chiefs of Staffs in Whitehall during my time in the Met, they would let their hair down and tell the truth about many of their junior and middle ranking officers shortcomings. They were embarrassed at having a regular flow of these low calibre 'officers' always managing to slip into the service, but were grateful that they did not stay long as they were identified after a posting or two and advised that a more appropriate career beckoned them somewhere outside the service.

:)

[Trumpet_trousers]

So some of you need to think before you speak, & remember we are one of the oldest trades in the RAF
Yep, just like your mothers are one of the oldest trades in the world..:E

Falklands: Driving 'whitey' one evening, full of inbound airbridge crew, and get pulled by plod. Conversation goes something like:

plod: you realise you're weaving from side to side?
me: I wouldn't be surprised, steering's a bit suspect
plod: aha! so you're driving an unroadworthy vehicle!
me: whatever...
plod: you been drinking?
me: I've had 1 can, yes
plod: if I was to ask you to take a breathalyser test, would you agree?
me: yes, of course
plod: oh, well, urm..(mumble mumble) we don't actually have any kits on the island...
(cue hysterical laughter from within the depths of 'whitey!!')

RAF Coppers....you couldn't make it up! :mad:

[Maple 01]

To be fair, substantive role specific Coppers* are, by and large good eggs - however LAC A/Cpl Securicor/Stasi types deserve all they get.

Just have to work form the start-point ACAB then get to know the individual - guilty until proved innocent!

*Sy/Counter int types

[cazatou]

Lord Pete Imbert

Given that you are now in your dotage (or at least your 70's); perhaps your memory dwells on aspects of your career which are, to say the least, somewhat less than the requirement of UK law

[Roadster280]

I agree entirely with Baldeagle.

When I did my national service in the RAFP, I found them all jolly nice chaps, as well as thoroughly professional in their day to day jobs.

I decided, though, not to extend my service as I was thoroughly fed up with the moronic behaviour of many of those outside the branch who had been to 'Sleaford Tech' and thought they were the bees-knees to the RAF.

When I later joined the civilian police, I encountered hundreds of RAFP in the 4 decades before I retired, particularly when I reached quite senior rank, and always remained highly impressed with them, whatever rank they were at the time.

Some of my fondest memories were when I was Chief Constable of Thames Valley Police, and I would often pop into Abingdon or Benson for a coffee with the RAFP on duty.

And then when I was appointed Commissioner of the London Metropolitan Police, I had similar experiences with the chaps at Northolt.

Ah yes, those grand ole days!

Sad though, to see that the RAF has still not got it's aircrew and officer selection procedures correct, with far too many morons slipping through the net, as evidenced by the remarks by many of them on this thread.

I am convinced, though, that things will improve when the RAF is disbanded and it's assets taken over by the RN and Army. Those 2 services would never tolerate having such mindless idiots in their ranks.

When I used to dine with the various Chiefs of Staffs in Whitehall during my time in the Met, they would let their hair down and tell the truth about many of their junior and middle ranking officers shortcomings. They were embarrassed at having a regular flow of these low calibre 'officers' always managing to slip into the service, but were grateful that they did not stay long as they were identified after a posting or two and advised that a more appropriate career beckoned them somewhere outside the service.

:)

Very well, I dare.

Lord Pete Imbert, I believe you to be an imposter.

I refuse to believe that Peter Michael Imbert, Baron Imbert QPM, would resort to such dreadful English as displayed in the post quoted above.

There is neither an apostrophe in the posessive pronoun "its", nor the requirement to use figures, e.g. "2" (meaning "two services") in written English.

Further, the agitated language with regard to the Services indicate something more recent than a fifty year old acquaintance with them.

Je t'accuse.

[clicker]

Lord Pete Imbert, I believe you to be an imposter....[/I]

I agree, also seems strange to be the current Lord Lieutenant of Greater London's first post as well.

OK Pete, or should that be Peter, show your true colours :ok:

[unclenelli]

IT'S NOT JUST THE RAF POLICE (but then It's not EVERY Barrier Pilot - 3 stories)


3 Stories - 2 bad(US LE & Army) and 1 good(Dusty Millar):

The Bad:
BEagle
I was at Incirlik in late 2002 with a small 4-wk det
As I was sharing a tent with the RAF bugler for Armistace Day, Everyone was invited to attend, but opted out of, the remembrance service. The Bugler & his mate went, and returned much later then expected accompanied with a USAF LE (Law Enforcement officer)
When the LE dragged the bugler +1 into our tent he was surprised by the amount of alcohol in our tent* and probably stayed longer than he should have.
The following night, the LE turned up at our tent, uninvited, bearing a bottle of peppermint schnapps(?). As we had been watching League Of Gentlemen DVDs, we had invented a cockatail called "sticky white love-piss" (Stolly, Citrona & Gin) to which we added his Peppermint schnapps which (as he obviously had no yankee mates) decided to join us in.
On about the 5th round, he noticed that the measures were heavily weighted against him, and I ended up downing a 7/8ths stolly mix (in one) to appease him, before returning to the normal mixtures (Not that I'm a lightweight, but Patriotic rules were in force)

After about 18 rounds (Good on him for keeping up as far as he did - he even went and bought a second bottle of schnapps), we had to return him to his mates - problem was we didn't know where he'd come from!!! - we ended up leaving him on a bench in the middle of the USAF tents - He might have well have been in a body-bag.
Dunno what happened to him, but didn't hear anything about any unexplained death amongst the Yanks

* as we were grounded, 1 guy stayed in his bed for 3 days without eating, but worked his way through 5 boxes of red wine!!!!!
1box = 5ltr
5box=25ltr
1btl=075ltr
5box=37btls!!!!!
3days = 12+ btls per day!!!!!!!!!!!!
When he eventually puked, he turned the concrete purple!!!!

The Good:
On a det with RAFP FS "Dusty" in Mississippi
24Hr DLA due Wx over Canada
3 guys got nicked over a casino table dispute (3 guys in the right according to the stories I heard - Casino got it's comeuppance due Katrina!!!!! - (google Copa))
Dusty got them sprung in time to catch out DLA'd flight back home

The Bad: (Albeit a grunt, not an RAFP, but nethertheless trained on GateGuardian/BarrierPilot duties by a plod!!)
On a HGV driving course at DST Leconfield (as my parents live close by, I opted to live out and informed the powers that be on application of the course)
I arrived on day 1 (Mon) and signed in at the guard room - guardroom staff tried to sign me in to a computer which didn't have me listed as I was living out - No joy, tried the other terminal - no joy - I told them I was living out, they said "aaahh, well in that case, just tell them each day when you drive out of the gate that I was not on the system!!! - They even gave me a different coloured Car Pass to every one else on the course
(Leconfield have a weekend signout ticket system (like the RN Liberty Boat))
Mon - no probs (Later on Mon - no probs - we had to go back later on for a brief at 1900hrs - I spent the intervening 2hrs in Beverly shopping)
Tue - no probs
Wed - no probs
Thu - no probs
Friday (the day that everyone wants to leave):
Drives towards the gate (as I had done on Mon, Tue, Wed, Thu) to be greeted by a LCpl Grunt"Where's your exit chit?"
Me (substansive Cpl in uniform) "I don't have one"
Grunt "Well you'll have to park up and join that queue over there and get one" pointing to a 100+ people queue
"I'm not on their computer!"
Grunt "Well you have to put yourself on it!"
"I've tried, but I'm not on it - they said just tell you I live out and drive out"
Grunt "But you need a chit"
"I didn't need one yesterday, or Wed, Or Tue, or Mon ... twice!"
Grunt "But you need a chit"
"I Dont' HAVE A CHIT!!!"
Grunt "But you need to get one!!"
"They won't give me one because I'm not on their computer!!"
Grunt "Well you'll need to put yourself on the computer"
"I'm not ON THE COMPUTER!!!!!"
Grunt "Then you'll have to put yourself on the computer"
"BUT I LIVE OUT!!!!!!!!!
Grunt "But you still need chit"
"THEY WON'T GIVE ME A CHIT BECAUSE I'M NOT ON THE SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!"
Grunt "OK then, Off you go ............... And Keep your speed down in future!!!!!!!!!!!"


"Keep My Speed Down"???????!?!?!?!?!?! - I was on a driving course - any excess speed would get picked up by my instructor on the course (and ultimeately fail the course fro), not by a gate guardian who I approached at 5mph MAX due to the queue of 12 cars in front of me all being stopped to show their exit chits!!!!

The following Friday, the gate was easily clear from 200+yds, so I stayed at a steady 15mph approaching the gate and just put my foot down and accelerated to the posted 20mph closer to the barrier - The Grunt (a different one to last week) stepped aside as I approached him and sailed past windows up!!
Same again for the next 3 weeks!!!
ENDEX - Never want to go back to Leconfield Again!!!!!! (but know how to handle it if I do!!!!!!)





In my Experience:


Once A Barrier Pilot - Always A Barrier Pilot

[Pontius Navigator]

Once upon a time there were three little wooden tops. Two were good little wooden tops but one was a big bad wooden top.

In case we run out of snowdrop stories how about some wooden top ones?

Speeding through Lincoln one morning. Plod steps out. "Going a little fast Sir?" - aren't they always polite - "This is a 30 mile zone Sir."

"Oh!, what speed was I doing then?"

"You don't want to know Sir, if I told you I'd have to book you."

And Newcastle-

Speed approximately 89.96 mph in a 70 zone. Different from 90 - only 3 points.

Or village bobby, in days when they had a village bobby. Enters pub in bicycle clips and hat well late at night. Rather more in the pub than beds upstairs. "Would all those with cars outside pointing down the hill turn them round so they are pointing up the hill."

Exit pub full of drunks.

"Would you like a drink?"

Hat off, "Don't mind if I do."

[woptb]

Probably apocryphal!
Lots of snow,cease flying.Liney's build large snowman outside the line office. Big bad snowdrops flatten snowman brethren in SWB.Ever industrious liney's build second snowman.Snowdrops return in SWB & do for snowman number two.
Liney's build snowman mark III.Snowdrops return, intent on snowman's destruction,only to find (after coming to a juddering,steaming halt!) lineys had constructed snowman number three around a large concrete post:}

[BDiONU]

Some years ago when organising an airshow at Leeming, I had an office from where they used to set up speed traps. One JT nicked at 22 in a 20mph zone whilst the Staish whizzed past at 38mph recorded.
In the visual control room of the tower at EGQS in 1987 at night. Plod car zooms onto the taxiway and heads towards the shorter runway. Easily doing 40MPH (whats the speed on the airfield at night boys & girls?) so I pointed it out to the SNCO controller on duty and we put the runway crossing lights to red. Plod car stops but after a minute reverses (on the manuevering area at night without a marshaller := ) and heads toward the end of the runway to go around it, obviously forgetting that ATC also control those traffic lights. Despatched Crash 1 to escort plod car to the tower and direct plod up the stairs until he can't go any higher.
Plod appears and SNCO asks for his airfield driving licence, which he produces. Rrrrriiippp! You don't speed on my airfield at night! Your permit is withdrawn get out of the tower.

15 mins later OC Plod rings asking please can his plod be allowed to drive around to the hanger to relieve a n other plod, he'd been speeding 'cause he was a bit late in the first place. Tut tut tut, naughty plod :=

BD

[November4]

Few years back when we had a base in Central America.....

Cops got a new speed gun and set it up to catch those breaking the 15mph speed limit on the camp.

One of our lads got pulled and asked if he knew what speed he was doing. What with Landrover speedos being soooo accurate at slow speed he said about 15 mph.

The cops said yes he was doing exactly 15mph - well done and to carry on like that!

[mary_hinge]

If brain cells are correct, Winter of '78 at 55 Sqn line, started as battle with 57 Sqn, Brains on Chains get involved and, as woptb says, the SWB quickly became Cat 5ed.
BoCs try a couple of "fizzers" on the line, but all defended by 55 Sqn Jengo / Sengo and WO (Boss Hogg)

Happy Days on the Victors:ok:

[NURSE]

That's because no-one told him to move away from the funny turbine noisy thing at the back of the big silver birds that fly....it was his bit of tarmac, and he was guarding it.


This was the post i was replying to about the RAF Policemans death. His death was tragic and totally preventable with proper supervision.

[PICKS135]

if RAFP are busy protecting airfields, How come every time I drive past the main gate at EGQL, theres always some poor airman on it ?
Ex RAF mate driving through little village near to EGQL. Stops at village shop for paper. RAF plod pull up behind. Proceed to berate mate for driving at 35 mph in a 30 zone. Mate advises RAF plod to go forth and multiply.

[Number2]

Pulled up to the barrier at Coningsby in the 80s, duty bod in gate reading book in his little box. Fed up with waiting I drive in through the exit side of road (a bit impatient I know). RAFP in MGR get a paddy on, start Operation Roundup. By the time it's implemented, I've left the Stn again. RAFP have my details, report me to OC GD who pushes OC Admin to Court Martial me. Fg Off OC GD is a complete loser - he carries a swagger stick - do I need to say more?! I played rugby with the RAFP that reported me and recognised me in the car. All subsequently dropped - huge waste of time. They're all losers and need to get a grip on reality!

[NURSE]

An RUC friend of mine frequently commentated "no one likes a copper"

[cwatters]

> Coming from another EU nation it's duty paid already!

They might well be duty paid but there are limits on how much duty paid stuff you can bring in. You are only allowed to bring enough for your own use. It's not clear what that means exactly but if you roll up at Dover with 10 years supply of cigs you won't allowed to bring them into the UK duty paid or not.

[clicker]

The Good:
The Bad:


And of course The Ugly goes without saying. :)

[Confucius]

Lord Pete Imbert, does it seem as though the smell of stale urine follows you around wherever you go?

[hoodie]

You are only allowed to bring enough for your own use.

"Alcoholics Anonymous card? That'll do nicely, Sir" :}

[unclenelli]

And of course The Ugly goes without saying. :)

Nice one Clicker - although I did have a thing for a Wafy one at Finningly/Robin Hood - 1st posting - I didn't know any better your honour!!

[airborne_artist]

http://www.raf.mod.uk/rafbenson/images/rafbenson/pr04.jpg

"Just because I've got a lead on doesn't mean you are in charge"

[Confucius]

Giant dog attempts to eat man

[Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!]

...and building

[BEagle]

"War Dog Fido, take your truncheon out of my bottom"
"WOOF!"
"What do you mean, it isn't a truncheon? Oh f.......!"

[SASless]

Just shows the comparative size of the brains of the K-9 Team.:)

[mary_hinge]

On his way back to the block, LAC A/Cpl Securicor/Stasi was proud that he had in fact pulled the biggest dog that day:ok:

[ZH875]

Do we actually NEED a reason to dislike PlaytimePlods:)

[woptb]

After a heavy night in the dogs mess - F/Sgt Fang brings up something very nasty!

[cazatou]

I once had the "honour" of being the bearer of a sealed briefcase to bring back to UK which contained the details of the nefarious activities of certain people who resided in an island close to (but just west of) the UK.

HM Customs : "Please open that briefcase Sir"

Me: NO (producing document which asserted that the document was not liable to Customs search).

Customs: I will have to detain you.

Special Branch: Oh no you ******* won't.

[Roadster280]

"If you don't get my scoff in that bowl sharpish, I'll have your bollox off, sunshine"

[clicker]

And why has plod got a flag pole sticking out of his head?

Not going to say anything about PD Fang, I'm working with police dogs on training next week for a couple of days. Must remember to hide well or at least with enough cover that they can't get at me. I still have a reminder from one time when I didn't :uhoh:

Oh and avoid bloodhounds, we've just got one in the force and it sobers so badly anyone it finds is likely to drown if the handler doesnt get there quickly.

[woptb]

Clicker,If they do have any "sobering" powers please ensure that the're kept on a lead :8

[miles offtarget]

Scene: EGAA during the mid-nineties.

My flying jacket had gone missing from the crewroom, and in order to claim on my insurance I had to obtain some form of crime reference number, which of course necessitated me making a statement to the RAFP.

A/Cpl Plod arrived at *** Sqn and I made him some tea whilst he asked such probing questions as...'what colour was the flying jacket, and where did you get it from' etc. To save time (?) he wrote the statement himself before presenting it to me for signature.

The quality of his written English was so stunningly poor I felt unable to sign the statement, and asked him to either have another go, (I thought perhaps the poor chap might be intimidated by the free tea, biscuits and casual aircrew crewroom atmosphere) or alternatively, allow me to write it, as I believe should be the case.

At this point he lept to his feet, knocked over my tea, made a hasty apology and said he'd return with it 'all printed up'.

I seem to remember that the good old SHFNI Squippers made up for my loss in return for a quick whizz around in the Plastic Pig; but as it's been over ten years now, do readers think I should give up on waiting for the statement to arrive, and is this a reflection on the inefficiencies of those who protect us whilst we sleep ?

MoT

[clicker]

Clicker,If they do have any "sobering" powers please ensure that the're kept on a lead :8

Hi wopth,

Whoop's, :uhoh: that will teach me to try writing replies after midnight.

Of course it was a slobbering bloodhound. Would not wish anyone to try that as a hangover cure although I came close to it this morning! :ok:

[terry towelling]

As you can see by my lack of posts I've recently joined this site, so to see the broad tar brush being weilded by such literary geniuses as fantaman I feel I should grasp the brush and join you.
Having started my career as a 'brain on a chain' technician :D at Northolt and now finishing at my 22yr point, to be promoted to civvy, I thought I might give a few barrier monitor stories and please feel free to be tarred with the same trade brush. (in fact, delete trade and add customer, it's more user friendly to you - the customer)
MTD The habitual thief, who's now doing time in Her Majestys' Hotel. He claimed we were harrassing him, up until the point we searched his room and opened an Alladins' cave. Also the bully boy team of MTDs who have now been kicked out for dealing and using class A drugs.
Wouldn't be any officers doing that would there? Oh yes the tragic accident of the jockey who ploughed his car into a tree....found to have cocaine and amphetamine in his system. Bet none of you would do such a thing would you:= ......Would you?
What about the number of commisioned officers my colleagues and I have dealt with for downloading/distributing indecent images of children? Or the medics ( 3 in a group to be exact) for smoking cannabis during lunchtime then going back to work. Oh yes one of thos in the group worked in Comcen. Hey this tarring thing is great isnt it. Still none of these are you though are they!! Pers admin who exposed himself to his daughters friend in his MQ and told her not to tell anyone. The rocks (magpies as we know them theiving from their so called best mates to feather their own nest) who bullied one of their own to the point of him being rushed to hospital after he attempted to commit suicide. When we knicked the BIG HARD MAGPIES, all were physically shaking (four in total) and the biggest of the bunch had to be given a hankerchief in his cell to wipe his eyes and blow his nose. Oh yes I'll get to all those barrier stories in a bit.
The squipper who was a heroin addict and would shoot up in the morning not needing another fix until tea, which he could deal with until after 9/11 and the need to work on into the night on the sqn checking and fitting your jockey seats etc (barriers coming soon honest). He would go back to his room after tea and have another fix.
The rapes and serious sexual assaults of various kinds carried out by a variety of customers such as a Techy (as was), Rock (magpie), Medic, Painter and finisher, steward, scopy, PTI and supplier (and these are only the cases I can remember!).
The magpie selling a LA85A2 weapon system in it's component parts on e bay, including all your tactical booklets etc etc
Oh yes as for not doing anything of any worth in the RAF, The IED victim missing a limb that i had to get a statement from who later thanked me for helping him talk about what happened to him and the loss of his best mate, the multiple cdr, would argue with that, or the road moves up and down theatre in Iraq in order to deal with the roadside IED crime scenes, mopping up the remains photographing the victims. If i see any more bodily matter splattered inside a snatch and smell the burnt remains it'll be a day too soon. My colleagues dealt with the Herc and recent Heli attacks and I was part of the team dealing, processing, interviewing the insurgents responsible for the killing of the two Paras but hey what do we do which is anywhere near as good as you lot of tar brushing elite!! (doing 6 month dets and regularly outside the wire - I saw a lot of 4 monthers cosily tucked up behind the wire at the APOD and SLB. I'm sure they've come back with the war stories of mortar attacks blah blah blah!)
I could go on but feel I'm wasting your valuable 'snowdrops get a proper job and stop wasting the RAFs money' time. As for the woodentops (civvy bobbies who KNOW !?? what we do, clearly have not worked with us or are ex mob and not RAFP trade and were not on my CID cse at W yorks Police or Drugs Cse at Kent Police Etc Etc. I suspect they're all flat feet, walking the streets with little or no annotations. All the civvy bobbies I've worked with and have asked for our assistance (incl major crime) have all praised our professionalism and we have regular contact and respect each others abilities.
So I'm talking to you paedophillic drug taking officers (jockeys and shiny trousers) and you drug taking/dealing, perverted, theiving, bullying, rapists who are the customers of ours. We all have annecdotal evidence that is the tar to be put on a very wide brush and shove in the face of the coppers. Easy isn't it.:ok: Can't wait to see the 'bout time you did something' reposte. Best form of defence is attack that's what I say. You silence is deafening:oh: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Speak soon. Who knows, might be coming to a Unit near you soon paedos:)

[ZH875]

Too boring to repeat what TT wrote... Or the RAFP who had a sense of humour removed. TT Get a life, learn BANTER, or log off NOW.

[Maple 01]

Your mitigating evidence has touched our very souls,

however, sod off skuffer, why not let your brain on a chain post for a while?

Edited to add, beaten to it by ZH875 - oh, the shame!

Barrier UP!

[Pontius Navigator]

terry toweling,

Very interesting and illuminating. Your stories fill in lots of blanks. All that most of us ever hear of what you say is the rumour in confidence bits and that does not go far. Publically all we see is the DCM, name and rank, the charge, and the punishment. We rarely get any inkling of the nature of the offence.

Justice seen to be done it is not.

True, no names, but if you don't know it is going on then detection and deterence is non-existent.

However remember that throughout this tread there are continual references to the good job that you and your colleagues are doing. As you showed there are many black sheep outside your ranks; clearly there will be a few inside as well.

One magpie you didn't mention was the rock aux who kept ammunition in a sqn garage; just in case.

[4fitter]

Terry

You have my utmost admiration for doing jobs many of us would find thoroughly objctionable. And yes, glass houses does come into thought when you remind us that many of our kith and kin are also vulnerable to the temptations many are not caught for. As a group of professionals, we are used to exposing those who perform below the standard and that includes all branches and trades. However, in the case of this thread, there are a large group of individuals who have suffered at the hands of the less mature individuals from your trade group. Please see the JPA thread to see how we have demonised the scribbly grown ups. Accept that some of your ilk are knobs, like many other trades and branches but acknowledge that the effect of their knobness is disproportionate to their importance.

4f

For the record, I have 2 coppers on my staff and they are diamond geezers

[clicker]

TT,

Let's get things into focus. What percentage of the workforce are you talking about?

I'll bet that its on a par, or lower than civvie street. Remember you get good and bad in all walks of life. The police force I work for has sacked a small number of officers and civvies in the 19 years I've been working for them, many for minor misdemeanors but I admit a few more serious offences but out of 3000 plus officers and 2500 civvie staff its less than 1 per cent.

I'll also bet that you have taken the pi$$ out of many in your trade and come across many a jobsworth there as well.

Please don't call us and we won't call you either.

Good day, Apeman

ps. Oh I forgot to mention. If you are what you say you are you will know of the Police magazine. Please read Dogberry, now and again, and you will see that the civvie police are more than happy to take the pi$$ out of ourselves

[NURSE]

TT most of us do actually apreciate what the cops no mater what uniform they wear have to deal with. In my job I deal with them on a regular basis in investigations of assualts. The ones who approach with a little humanity and are civil get helped the ones who are officious and demand were they should ask find their job alot harder. Most people here me included wouldn't want to do your job but.... many think you might find things easier with a polite smile and a little humanity there is a time and a place for bending the rules a little and it may pay dividens in making you seem more approachable and human.
Most of my mates are PSNI and most of them say there is a time and a place for humour and helping people like the Herc full of tired squaddies just back from a long tour who want to get home. You're at the end of your 22 so your experience will probably have told you all this the problem seems to be mainly the ones straight from the factory who need a little guidance from the old hands.

[terry towelling]

ooh!!
seemed I've re ignited the thread. As i thought, best form of defence is attack eh ZH whatever you are:{ As for maple brain on a chain joke AGAIN.....BRILLIANT!!!!! you're a literary genius, more please. If i can't take banter leave?!!! Heavens no i've just found this bad boy and am looking for the sport that is green slime int boy
I did laff at a number of the comments posted and after 22 yrs I THINK I've got the hang of banter. Some of them I know are true and others lost in the mists of time. (Never let the truth get in the way of a good story eh!!) I think we can ALL agree that there are knobbers in all ranks n trades and I agree that we have more than our fair share that are let loose on suspecting and unsuspecting service personnel but i wanted to redress the balance, Good try porky/aes dude!
Clicker i was not having a go at bobbies in general only stating that i have been with your colleagues who have no idea to the standard we are trained to and are somewhat surprised to hear us doing your (home office) courses and being asked to assist in inquuiries involving service personnel in civvy matters. (Recently worked on an attempted murder with a major crime unit. No names no pack drill) I had a civ bobby dog handler on a drug dog training exercise put some gear out for my drugs dog. On his return from the building he hid the gear in he said i doubt your labs'll find the gear i haven't had one beat me yet. 15 mins later completed the search with all samples found. Now i'll put some gear out for you shall i . No it's okay he said i'll use the same hides as i put out for you. I didn't persue it as i wanted to keep a professional relationship going and not embarras him into not finding my gear. He clearly had never done a blind search before and had relied on always putting his own gear out. Same thing happened when i went to work with the IOM drug squad for TT fortnight. Always trying to catch me out. And yes I always read the police review. We also have an equivalent called the provost parade which also has self ridicule articles and cartoon strips. I've had a great time in the RAF and will miss the banter and friends INCLUDING ones I have made and am still in touch with from other trades that have long since moved onto pastures new (units and or civvy St).
Having found this little gem i will be watching and reading with great interest the threads to come (Particularly liked the parody of the American mission statement nice one!!):D
TT

[SASless]

Scene: Lovely airshow at a nice RAF base near some wonderful golfing.

Private owned aircraft on static display properly fenced off by the host.

Thousands roaming around admiring the show and aircraft.

Up walks an Engineer friend from days long gone by in desert climes.

Upon discerning he did not recognize me, I teased him silly until he finally tweaked to who I was. Just shy of 28 years since we had met.

I invite him and his dear Dad and Son into the enclosure for a closer look.

He climbs in to view the cockpit....and up shows the RAF Policeman.

Plod states clearly....."Not On...no one in the aircraft or behind the fence...security you know.

Er, Corp....I know this man...have known him for over thirty years...former RAF he is.

Plod restates the policy....

Er, Corp....the man just there is the owner and he gave his approval.

Plod, nicely but with certainty says....that doesn't matter...cannot take a risk of something happening to the aircraft you know.

Not wishing to offend our hosts....we retired to the beer tent to re-tell old lies.

[Maple 01]

As for maple brain on a chain joke AGAIN.....BRILLIANT!!!!!

It served me well for over twenty years, why change effective banter just because it's old? I work for the real police, they can take the p@ss with the best of them.

You'll notice the slagging is targeted, LAC A/Cpl Secoricor/Stasi types mainly

Now, where are those barrier stories you promised?;)

[mutleyfour]

Jeez, TT, With all this murder and mayhem wherever you are its a wonder your not called Jessica Fletcher!

[terry towelling]

you're assuming I'm not called Jessica Fletcher?!!!

[Zoom]

TT
What's this Terry Towelling fortnight on the Isle of Man you're talking about?

[terry towelling]

It's a 2 week festival and racing tribute to the flexibilty of cotton and cotton related products, culminating in a final dash around the mountain in terry towelling racing suits. The winner recieving a life subscription to "The Versatility Of Cotton Products" and The Bumper Book Of Swatches, from 'Fruit of the Loom'. It's great you should go some time. You like cotton?

[teeteringhead]

If i see any more bodily matter splattered inside a snatch ... I believe "fnarr fnarr" to be the appropriate comment.

[No disrespect, only joking, banterstat attempt etc etc....]

[terry towelling]

The MT poster campaign on TELIC is "Nobody likes a dirty Snatch". Comments?!!
The snatch's i got into despite blowing air into them were dusty, hot and cramped, and nowhere to put your sandwiches, but when it was moving it was nice to pop your head out with your rifle and get the breeze!!

[An Teallach]

If i see any more bodily matter splattered inside a snatch and smell the burnt remains it'll be a day too soon
And folk wonder why some of us turn out gay :\

[Skunkerama]

The snatch's i got into despite blowing air into them were dusty, hot and cramped, and nowhere to put your sandwiches.

TT, I feel very sorry for your missus/ex gf's. That really is no way to treat a lady, no matter how dry and dusty her snatch is.

Use a fridge or cool box for your lunch next time.

Agree with your rant by the way, copper bashing seems to be the in thing at the moment, regulaters on Rum ration have recently been getting crap for doing their job.

[PompeySailor]

TT, I feel very sorry for your missus/ex gf's. That really is no way to treat a lady, no matter how dry and dusty her snatch is.

Use a fridge or cool box for your lunch next time.

Agree with your rant by the way, copper bashing seems to be the in thing at the moment, regulaters on Rum ration have recently been getting crap for doing their job.

Rum Ration? Won't last. Heavily over-modded over there, I know people who are leaving for the healthier confines of ARRSE and PPRUNE. Of course, if discussing HMS GANGES is your thing, or manking about how great things used to be, then you are onto a good thing. But you are still at the whim of a 9 year served ex-Wren who turned one area of the site into her own personal chat room......

Regulators are the less intelligent, less well trained version of the RAF Police. The only benefit is that because we get the version with less brain cells (they won't even issue them dogs because they would forget to feed them), we get away with far more!

[terry towelling]

Popeye, I know a few regs that'll disagree with your last remark, having worked on a number of Joint units (God bless defence cuts). One of them being a fish'eads favourite haunt, Gib. You are not as progressive yet. Being the senior service you're still hanging onto the traditions that have served you throughout the ages, and served you well. Damn these liberal minded tree hugging human rights!! But you're being dragged kicking and screaming into the twety first century (joint Police school - we lovingly call South Park!)
We in the RAF don't have traditions as such they're more like habits, being so junior, but are quite a progressive service even if we do prefer to check-in as opposed to dig in.

[Danny_Boy]

Terry, I have had a great laugh reading this thread over the last week or so. No malice against the RAFP, just cheered up by the stories. You, however, have killed the fun element and turned ito something far more serious than it had become. Thanks. Haven't you got some cabinet combinations to wander round station changing and leave the rest of us to it?

[terry towelling]

Yeah.. The cabinets i deal with day in day out is a regular old caibnet fest. OC cabinets is what i do.
As someone pointed out to me earlier if can't take the banter.....FO!!
Now call your nurse tell her you need your nap now but not before you've been changed or had your bag emptied whichever end of the age scale you fit, tirdeness really does make you grumpy:ok:

[An Teallach]

Am I alone in detecting a faint whiff of Eau de Walt emanating from this thread of late?

[PompeySailor]

Am I alone in detecting a faint whiff of Eau de Walt emanating from this thread of late?

Hardly! Why on earth would anyone want to "Walt" it as a Service Policeman? Just to prove that they could have made it in civvy street as a real copper, but just decided that they would rather do it in the Forces?

[An Teallach]

Here's some to be going on with, Pompey.
http://www.redcapsatwar.co.uk/

[Maple 01]

Can I name and shame the Copper that couldn't change combinations and had to ask me to do it for him? Therefore I could get into his secret draws (oo-er) or perhaps a PPRuNer could give an overview of P&SSs' witchfinding skills.

Edit: An Teallach what sick perverse thing were you looking for when you found that?

[An Teallach]

Maple, old chum - I seemed to remember RMP Walts appearing in another place, hence a google was in order to illustrate to Pompey that there is no depth to which the Walt will not sink! :eek:

Cx PMs!

[PompeySailor]

Walt Redcaps! How frightening is that? Especially the bit which says that you can join "if you already have your own uniform" and you get issued with a "CMP Warrant Card".

These guys seem a little bit keen for re-enactors (ie site security...)

Then there is "You will also be legible for discounts at certain militaria / uniform suppliers" - how do you become "illegible"?

[Maple 01]

green slime int boy

Just because I knew some green slime doesn’t make me one! My beret was finest Russian Hussar blue, with coffee and chinagraph stains obviously

[Skunkerama]

But you are still at the whim of a 9 year served ex-Wren who turned one area of the site into her own personal chat room......


She is a bit of a care bear at times. I think th emodding here is a bit more overbearing though, I had a thread culled just cause I ripped into the french...I thought it was expected of me.

[airborne_artist]

Did you know that Redcaps like a bit of boy-on-boy action? So it seems on the walts' site..

http://www.redcapsatwar.co.uk/arrest.jpeg

[An Teallach]

Maple - Just as well you're not green slime! There's a distinct Cypress tinge to the beret of that lad. You'd better hope that Terence Walter Towelling isn't similarly attracted to RAF Int types.
Ooooh Mmmaaaatron! Be Afraid, be very afraid! :}

[Maple 01]

I see your point AT (oo-er) you'd have thought he'd have offered dinner and a movie first......no manners some people.........

[Green Meat]

Fuuny old thing about Walts, they do just keep appearing out of the woodwork!

At a public vehicle rally, I noticed a somewhat misplaced Snowdrop doing some rather odd things. On approaching said chap (and noting that he really was dressed for the part), I asked him for his 1250.

After trying to bluff for a moment, he rather sheepishly admitted that he wasn't who he was purporting to be. I did see him again at another event, but this time was wearing something Khaki, hairy and above all, old enough to be his grandmother :ooh:

[FOMere2eternity]

Must be bad enough being one - but you've got to worry about people who impersonate RAF coppers!

Put another way, if you impersonated a traffic warden should you be allowed your freedom?

[Il Duce]

A Cpl of the RAF police entered SHQ late one evening and was surprised to find the lights still on in a couple of offices. After further investigation he found OC Admin in the photo-copying room puzzling over the myriad of technological machines and instruments of electronic administration before him. "Evening, Sir, working late are we?" Cpl enquires.
"Er, hello, corporal. Yes, just catching up on some paperwork. Actually I'm glad you're here. Truth is, all this bloody technology is a bit beyond me and I can't seem to get this damn machine to work. Can you help?" Cpl sees chance to impress and steps forward purposefully. "Leave it to me, sir!" as he grabs the dozen or so sheets of paper from the Wg Cdr and leans forward to switch the shredder on at the mains. As he feeds the papers into depths of the shredder the Wg Cdr says, "Well done Cpl, great job. I'll need six copies each of those, thank you.":=

[airborne_artist]

Then there is "You will also be legible for discounts at certain militaria / uniform suppliers" - how do you become "illegible"?

If your parents were married before you were born, perhaps?:}

[An Teallach]

Then there is "You will also be legible for discounts at certain militaria / uniform suppliers" - how do you become "illegible"?
Get an MB ChB and become a General Practitioner.

[fightingchickenplumb]

hey guys now i have my loggin sorted i thougt i would tell you of a few experiences i had with our finest RAFP , some good, most bad though.

First the good one, when i finishes recruit training at Halton my course was delayed three weeks so i was stiffed with a week of night shift guard, there was me 3 othe ACs and two RAFP corprals and a SGT RAFP. First night of guard the SNCO told us the next time we called them by rank we would be cleaning out the kennels and it was all first name terms, during the course of the week those three blokes were tops, sound as a pound , (they were all substansive) i took ill during that week the SNCO came round the block with some magazines for me , stuff like that like. So Yes I do appreciate there are RAFP out there who are sound like, now for the amusing stories......

when i finished the above guard i was on leave, the first time of my RAF career and i was full of the joys of life, all i had to do was go to stores and grab a new berret,(i was in my civies at this point)a group of maybe 5 SACs went through the gate flashed there IDs and customery "morning mate" i approached and showed him my 1250 the conversation went like this .......

Me :- "morning buddy, nice morning?"
18yr old RAFP:- "let me see your ID please"
i handed him the 1250,after about 20 seconds
RAFP:- are you on a course here?
Me:- no am on TDF waiting for my course to start at cosford
Pause as his brain tries to work
RAFP:- well MR ******, I am not your mate and the next time you call me mate i will have you sent to colchester, am going to see your boss later

I was slightly stunned at the guys atttitude and manor like

Me:- well look first of all cpl. my ID says am a AC not MR so address me by my rank please,second there is no way the RAF will let you throw me in the glass house for calling you mate , and thirdly go see my boss however as far as he is concerned i am on leave and when i get back ai leave the next morning.

RAFP :- bu bu but you cant talk to me like that,
Me:- Look your happy thats me on the 1250 am off to grab my bag and catch my train, have a good day

And i walked off, yes i was in the wrong , however he didnt need to speak to me in a way to make me feel as though i was something his brain left in its kennel, i was only trying to be civil. my second story involving happened a couple of year ago..

it was the 22nd of december, i had f:mad:ked up , (i was five minutes late i think)so my "punishment" was to get some mince meat pies for the weapons desk, we had to dro some PSPs back to the bay, so i stayed in my overalls and my mate who drives threw on some blues we put the PSPs in the wagon, and the plan was i would take the PSPs back to the bay and sort the paperworkmy mate would go to the SPAR and get the pies, five minutes after am dropped off my mate returns minus pies "the SPAR has none we will need to nick into the village jump in" ON LEAVING CAMP WE WAVED TO THE RAFP AND HE WAVED BACK, so we toddle down to the village return sporting a dozen pies get to the gate, (am in overalls, hi-viz vest and ear defenders,in a service vehicle with someone in RAF uniform)

RAFP:- morning can i see your car pas
my mate:- yeah there its
RAFP:- your 1250s
my mate showed him his
Me:- Eh yeah I dont seem to have mines with me
RAFP:- where is it i can charge you for not having it
Me:- well its in my locker
RAFP:- why you should carry it at ALL time
ME:- But i cant, i was working a jet and its a FOD hazard
RAFP:- You arent on a jet now are you? How do you expect to get on MY camp?
Me:- yeah i didnt realise i would be off camp, we had to grab some pies from the village( trying to plead my case) and my mate here can vouch who i say i am
RAFP:-No he cant
Me:- Why?
RAFP:- because i dont believe him, go to the guard room,phone your section, get someone to come to come down from the Sqn to establish your identity and get a temporary ID!

I went in to guard room where my bosses wife unknown to me at the time worked explained my case and she came out and vouched for me, tyical copper full of xmass cheer, again he was right i was wrong but he could have shown a bit more tact. by getting me to get one of the sqn lads to come down he was trying to cause as much hassle for me at work as possible like for no reason.

My last story doesnt directly involve me however we sat with open jaws when we heard, one wedensdaynight 1am our phone goes, "this is :mad: over on Q, are you using your wagon?" he asks "no why?". It transpired that A had driven over to the block in the QRA van (the QRA wagon has QRA all over it in, its so well known no one bothers to ID you in it) to pick up some stuff, parked up outside the block and left the keys in the ignition, not the brightest thing but no major biggie, he emerged from the block , to find the keys missing,phoned the the QRA commander, the QRA phoned the cops and advised them the lad was needed fo servicea Q jet, the cops told him there was no way the would give the keys back to the lad untill he presented himself for a meeting with FS police with all his documents and in blues , to disscuss "the need for service vehicle security", when the SNCO pointed out the lad was on QRA duty, the SNCO was told that the essentially that was not the RAFP fault and the lad should have thought about that before he left the keys, and there was no way he would get the keys back before 9am next morning. the QRA commander asked whether the RAFP wanted him to inform the strike that northen Q was off state, they told him "thats your call" At this point our JENGO got involved, a few phone calls later and one pissed off OC ENG, the keys were delivered eventually back to the lad, we heard later in the week the old OC police had every member of the the police flight in the crew room at attention to explain the importance of QRA, then had them go over to QRA for a tour to remind them of the reason the station is there (Nice one sir , where ever you are now!) O the new OC plod doesnt believe in visual recognition of people now so the guard force now have a 100% 1250 check and he has told them that he will charge any guard who doesnt ID him at the gate, wonder how long that will last!!!!!

Now i told youy theses anncedotes to amuse you and high light my experiences with coppers, now in every case we were in the wrong but its the coppers people skills that largely irritate the rest of the RAF, but lets not forget though its not just coppers in my abate limited experience the further people are from the aircraft the more bull**** you have to cut through to get stuff done,and i include techie bays in that too by the way. a LAC threatend to charge me for being late in the med centre for being 5mins late for the appointment,when i had a 15min wait at the runway traffic lights.PSF P1 who bollocked me out for whistling on my way to work , (as he leaned out a window smoking) and the PSF adminer who told me to come back on monday for my rail card(someone handed it in) as the lad who dealt with it went home for the wknd, at 11am on a friday.

terry mate chill out, if i had to throw my dummy out my cot every time ppl take the mick pout of plumbers i would be stir crazy at the minute, ok bud

anyways i awiat your replies and observations

[ShyTorque]

This mentality that requires to see an ID card every time even for a person known to the security operative has always intrigued me.

Surely the whole idea is to ensure the person requiring entry is correctly identified. Any ID can be forged. A person, appearing in person cannot. However, one supposes that this requires some initiative on behalf of the security personnel.

Initiative...mmm!

In '85 I was flying a Gazelle (Exercise Lionheart) for the purpose of Airfield Damage Repair Recce. As soon as possible after an air raid we were required to recce the airfield and complete a paper map report in the air, logging any bomb craters or other items requiring attention. As this was done in radio silence the SOP was to hover over the Commcen carpark and drop the completed report form through the message chute in a weighted bag. The RAF policeman outside was briefed to immediately get the report inside.

Day one, air raids came and went, no problem, system worked well.

Day two, second Gazelle was in use (different hull letter). First air raid over, we got airborne, completed our recce and hovered over the carpark, as before. The Royal Engineer observer opened the message chute and dropped the report in its bag, as before. The RAFP on duty, (same policeman as yesterday) immediately sprang into action. Great.

Except that instead of picking up the message, he took out his 9mm pistol and aimed it upwards, simulating the firing of ten rounds into the aircraft hovering above him, apparently shouting "Bang, Bang, Bang!"

Policeman was debriefed shortly after. He said that yesterday the aircraft had an "F" for friend painted on its nose - today it had an "E" for enemy - so he shot it down......

True story!!

[FormerFlake]

I can remember having a request for Plasma/LCD screen turned down, not for costs though. It was becuase the RAFP said we could not plug it into CCIS as no one else was allowed to see our screen while we were logged in.

Just how are Int supposed to brief crews flying into Iraq/Afgn then?



I remember doing my U SY Os course and we all invited there 2 scuffer instructors out with us that evening for a beer. They nearly fainted, we were the first course to do it!!!! That says it all...

[interpretrix]

There are far too many complaints about the RAF Police. They are responsible for Discipline and Security in addition to law enforcement. Some may be bad apples but most are not. They are also underrpaid considering their responsibilities and should be higher pay band and substantive corporals on completing their course.

[Roadster280]

There are far too many complaints about the RAF Police. They are responsible for Discipline and Security in addition to law enforcement. Some may be bad apples but most are not. They are also underrpaid considering their responsibilities and should be higher pay band and substantive corporals on completing their course.

Surely this is a "come-on"?

OK, I'll bite. I'd venture to suggest that the MT driver who drives a bus full of children to the XMAS outing has a whole lot more responsibility on his shoulders than the plod guarding a building.

Sub Cpl on completion of a noddy course? In your dreams. Maybe the RAF needs a JNCO rank specifically for RAFP. Not like a JT, who is not an NCO. A rank which is an NCO rank, and therefore can issue orders, but of sufficiently minimal standing that it is an admin convenience. Like the Redcap LCPLs.

The fact is that nearly all ranks and trades in all the forces have a need to exist, to ensure that the job is done. Some are more essential than others though, and of the RAF ground trades, the ones that get the aircraft in the air with all the right bits on them are the more important ones. Sure, the chefs need to feed the techies, and the Dibble needs to guard the airfield, but at the end of the day, the most basic things that everyone learns in the forces is how to guard and feed themselves.

That said, the RAF Police have an outstanding role in the "blue light taxi" service, and I got on just fine with the Snowdrops when I served with the RAF. Mostly because they were sub Cpls in their late 20s, not snot nosed little $hits, and those that were, were kept in check by the older hands. We helped them out with Army bits of kit that they weren't scaled for, and they left us alone. Good deal all round.

[ZH875]

I wanted to be RAFP.....






....But I passed the exam!:D


How many buildings/anything are guarded by RAFP, come to think of it, besides getting in the way of life, what do RAFP actually do to earn their pay?.;)

[ratty1]

How many buildings/anything are guarded by RAFP, come to think of it, besides getting in the way of life, what do RAFP actually do to earn their pay?.;)

Well cosidering they are on the same high pay band as the techies, I dont suppose they really care what they do................:eek:

[Confucius]

He said that yesterday the aircraft had an "F" for friend painted on its nose - today it had an "E" for enemy - so he shot it down......
True story!!

You should've told the tw@t that 'F' stood for Foe.

[PompeySailor]

You should've told the tw@t that 'F' stood for Foe.

Just be grateful that his phonics books had got as far as letting him recognise that many letters of the alphabet.....

[Confucius]

Thought coppers only knew 2 letters?

L O L O L O

...

I'll get me coat.

[samos]

Going back to the original thread, why would the RAFP be doing passport and customs checks on helicopters that arrived from Manston?. Maybe thought Manston is overseas because it is on the Isle of Thanet.

[Roland Pulfrew]

Going back to the original thread, why would the RAFP be doing passport and customs checks on helicopters that arrived from Manston?. Maybe thought Manston is overseas because it is on the Isle of Thanet.
Sadly because some idiot has interpreted the new homeland defence rules in a way that Plod must meet any civil flight landing at a military airfield even if the flight took off from a UK airfield.:ugh: :ugh: Now which di****ad thought that one up. They even charge you for attending - as they might have been doing something else at the time, perhaps drinking coffee or watching Sky?!?!

[Taxi.Idge]

Whilst serving on the far flung part of the Empire that is 1312, Whooosh 1312, during the amazing Rugby World cup 2004? or was it 03 - too much gin in Incirlik!! The groundies applied for permission to open the now defunct Queen Vic to watch the final v the old enemy that is Oz. Taking into account that the semi was only played some 5 days earlier, OC Police refused the application as it was not recieved the regulation 7 days prior to the event. Imagine loads of happy groundies drinking coke whilst watching one of the finest sporting moments in recent English history. 'The beatings will continue to moral improves'.
Oh just to add to the, 'there are knobs in other trades to' debate, I and the rest of the QRA crew offered to go to the relevant messes and purchase a couple of slabs so the boys could at least have one or two beers. The JENGO, a particularly spineless creature, told us that he would not allow this and would close the bar if we did. Nice one.

[I Sp[r]y]

Just a quick Hello Gents (+ PPRuNettes - Nursey et al),

As a serving Plod of 17 years in the RAFP, you have certainly made me smile (wry + genuine) whilst exploring this thread (and no, the GSD didn't read it to me). It's nice to see that this thread is actually developing into an arena of 'banter' - offering retort to some of the more speculative posts made, and probably prolonging the life of the thread. Obviously such an insular environment is a fantastic breeding ground for the finer details of your yarns to 'develop' amidst the congratulatory mutual back-slapping of this online grow bag community - please feel free to log in to one of our own forums and post an article or two..

I'll stop by now and again to see if there's anything of interest to respond to. Whatever is posted is water off a pigs back though, since the big Aviator running the RAF signed off that cheque giving us all (upto Sgt) a payrise in Apr 06 of approx 15%. All those 'jumped up little A/Cpl's wielding their speed guns' with an instant £3-4K payrise..... now that's got to annoy you! :D

[Lara crofts pants]

Not really, a lot of us get to fly planes, and get paid loads.

[Pristina]

:E

Yes but what do you do when you leave? Traffic wardens!

y']Just a quick Hello Gents (+ PPRuNettes - Nursey et al),

As a serving Plod of 17 years in the RAFP, you have certainly made me smile (wry + genuine) whilst exploring this thread (and no, the GSD didn't read it to me). It's nice to see that this thread is actually developing into an arena of 'banter' - offering retort to some of the more speculative posts made, and probably prolonging the life of the thread. Obviously such an insular environment is a fantastic breeding ground for the finer details of your yarns to 'develop' amidst the congratulatory mutual back-slapping of this online grow bag community - please feel free to log in to one of our own forums and post an article or two..

I'll stop by now and again to see if there's anything of interest to respond to. Whatever is posted is water off a pigs back though, since the big Aviator running the RAF signed off that cheque giving us all (upto Sgt) a payrise in Apr 06 of approx 15%. All those 'jumped up little A/Cpl's wielding their speed guns' with an instant £3-4K payrise..... now that's got to annoy you! :D

[I Sp[r]y]

:E

Yes but what do you do when you leave? Traffic wardens!

Only those dedicated to pursuing the Utopian ideals of free flowing highways - the less ambitious of us in the CI / Computer Security world (i.e the community that accredited Typhoon systems - Windows NT ??!!) tend to gravitate toward similar Information Assurance activites when the white cap is finally hung up. Given that the nice chief military aviator now insists we do all those courses that Industry cry out for, the home of the Black and Yellow uniform will remain the Mecca of the idealist reformers amongst us.

It may disappoint you to learn that speed guns and parking tickets do not occupy a full 22 years service - only those 'piglet' years when first venturing out of the sty - when some do indeed take great pleasure in riling the rodneys.:ok:

[Shjustme]

Life after Plod in RAF...

One owns and runs a very nice public house near me, one of the cleaning staff is a former Flt Lt WRAF, she was on her knees scrubbing the floor on one occasion I entered the premises.
Another spends 3 days every week in court as a magistrate, dispensing justice.
And also the one who does it just 1 day per week.
Then there is the one who is now a vicar.
2 are senior prison officers in a nearby jail, supervising 4 former master aircrewmen / warrant officers who are (mere) probationers, having joined in the last couple of years.
Oh yes, the one who is an ACC, assisant chief constable north of the Humber river.
Not forgetting the former Cpl who became a Flt Lt before leaving for a government job where he now has command of no less than 14 former commissioned officers RAF/Army who used to have ranks varying from 2nd Lt to Wg Cdr.
The businessman who without the aid of his former patrol dogs from when he walked around a missile site at all hours of the night, now employs over 100 people in a hugely successful little empire. Two staff members are ex Flt Lts, one a navigator, the other a supply officer. They accept that the former Cpl is most definately the man in charge, the boss!
The very well known ex SNCO who for the past few years has had a super job in the caribbean.
And the guy who is hugely successful at providing vitally important 'assets' to the middle east, in the worldwide fight against OBL. As reported in a regional newspaper relatively recently.
I could give you over a hundred examples of ex plods doing rather nicely!!!!!

[Zoom]

Yeah, right. How many times in this forum have I seen this sort of make-believe? What the hell have you been smoking?

[Skeleton]

My take....
We hated them because of the acting rank. Will someone please tell me why the LAC/SAC was an acting Cpl. Middle of winter many moons ago and a young child dressed as a policeman at Kinloss thought it would be a good idea if he looked hard and told us what to do.
I waited....
2 days...
I hope the barrier on your head hurt Mr 17 year old. Now go and have a chat with your instructor.
Yes they are RAF Policeman, but the days when they were real are long gone.
The rest of the Air Force think your a joke. One trade that certainly could be given over to the NCP.
Why can't you do the gate. Its your job, your nor Inspector Wexford. Instead of picking up the man on the gate who gets paid double what you do for breathing in the wrong direction, or the poor bugger who drives round the peri track at 32 in a 25 on a saturday, why not be secure.
Oh i forgot your lords and masters have told you your important.
Your not.

[Roadster280]

Will someone please tell me why the LAC/SAC was an acting Cpl.

I'm not defending LAC A/(Upd)Cpl Bloggs, but I do know the answer. The lowest NCO rank in the RAF is Cpl. Since the Police HAVE to have superiority over the R&F, then they MUST be Cpls.

In any case, think of who the protagonists are in the weekly NAAFI punchup. LACs, SACs and the odd JT.

I didn't like it, but I do understand it. ****, I'm getting old!!

[16 blades]

It may disappoint you to learn that speed guns and parking tickets do not occupy a full 22 years service - only those 'piglet' years when first venturing out of the sty - when some do indeed take great pleasure in riling the rodneys.

I don't get riled by them - but they tend to get somewhat riled when, after blurting out their spiel about "22 in a 20 zone, Sir!", or some similar dastardly accusation, they are told to "F*** off" just before I drive away. The sight of a stunned plod with mouth agape, speechless, disappearing in one's rear view mirror is truly a pleasure...

16B

[ZH875]

Life after Plod in RAF...

One owns and runs a very nice public house near me, one of the cleaning staff is a former Flt Lt WRAF, she was on her knees scrubbing the floor on one occasion I entered the premises.
Another spends 3 days every week in court as a magistrate, dispensing justice.
And also the one who does it just 1 day per week.
Then there is the one who is now a vicar.
2 are senior prison officers in a nearby jail, supervising 4 former master aircrewmen / warrant officers who are (mere) probationers, having joined in the last couple of years.
Oh yes, the one who is an ACC, assisant chief constable north of the Humber river.
Not forgetting the former Cpl who became a Flt Lt before leaving for a government job where he now has command of no less than 14 former commissioned officers RAF/Army who used to have ranks varying from 2nd Lt to Wg Cdr.
The businessman who without the aid of his former patrol dogs from when he walked around a missile site at all hours of the night, now employs over 100 people in a hugely successful little empire. Two staff members are ex Flt Lts, one a navigator, the other a supply officer. They accept that the former Cpl is most definately the man in charge, the boss!
The very well known ex SNCO who for the past few years has had a super job in the caribbean.
And the guy who is hugely successful at providing vitally important 'assets' to the middle east, in the worldwide fight against OBL. As reported in a regional newspaper relatively recently.
I could give you over a hundred examples of ex plods doing rather nicely!!!!!This may be so, but we will still hate you, no matter how good you are doing for yourself. Once a snowdrop, always a snowdrop.


Another spends 3 days every week in court as a magistrate, dispensing justice.This may be why :mad: criminals are getting off lightly.

And also the one who does it just 1 day per week.Must have been a Dog Handler, No dog, No sex![/quote]

Then there is the one who is now a vicar.Must like wearing the Dog Collar. Seems to me a snowdrop is still lost without some reminder of his brain on a chain.

[Shjustme]

Zoom...........the following is specially for your attention......and there are scores more available for you to choke on, and I might happily oblige bringing them to your attention should I have the time at a later date. You might actually recognise Tony's mugshot, in the staff history page, particularly the photos showing him in his DPs prior to him 'moving on to greater things'....Oh yes, there can be a grand life after 'Plod'......

http://www.dragonk9.co.uk/index.html
http://www.dragonk9.co.uk/gallery%2001.html

[Maple 01]

So in reality all snowdrops are much smarter that the real airforce and do so much better out?

Like the dog handler done for 'cruelty to an animal' and 'unlawful sexual practices' - could you find out what he's doing now? I'd like to see his post service CV

ACAB

[ZH875]

Having been a frequent traveller through the Port Talbot area, I wouldn't have thought that a sniffer dog would be able to smell anything apart from the heavy polution there.

Maybe thats's why we ain't caught Osram Bed Linen yet!.



How many RAFP does it take to change a light bulb....








None... Maybe when they finish grilling it about why it blew without their permission, they may call out the duty electrician. (and their good buddy LAC/ASAC/ACPL(U) Pratt, with his speed gun to make sure the electrician only does 20mph)

[I Sp[r]y]

My take....
Why can't you do the gate. Its your job, your nor Inspector Wexford. Instead of picking up the man on the gate who gets paid double what you do for breathing in the wrong direction, or the poor bugger who drives round the peri track at 32 in a 25 on a saturday, why not be secure.
Oh i forgot your lords and masters have told you your important.
Your not.

Skeleton - you must be a 'hanger-on', and not a pilot surely? Punctuation, grammar and spelling mistakes in every sentence - now that's an achievement!

'Instead of picking up the man on the gate...for breathing in the wrong direction..' - pissed aircrew on their way to fly again? I thought those days had long gone...

[I Sp[r]y]

So in reality all snowdrops are much smarter that the real airforce and do so much better out?

Like the dog handler done for 'cruelty to an animal' and 'unlawful sexual practices' - could you find out what he's doing now? I'd like to see his post service CV

ACAB

All these 'hangers-on' do like having their say!


So come on then Mr AAAAAATC - give us some of the post-RAF success stories of those people in elevated greenhouses - or maybe just detail the back catalogue of crashes / near misses that your people have engineered at the expense of those that should legitimately be voicing the rumours to be countered by us Plod.

AAATCAC

[Maple 01]

I do believe I've got a bite - what did happen to that dog handler I Sp[r]y?

Wasn't Gerry Anderson ATC? I know Johnny Ball was, sadly I wasn’t.

You’d have thought you could have done better than just reading my profile which may, or may not be wholly accurate without checking further, but regrettably it’s a fair indication of the investigative techniques of the RAFP

To give you a clue – I used to associate with the people that gave us Geoffrey Prime – let’s not forget he subsequently made Major in the KGB – though I never spoke Russian or did the wiggly amps bit, perhaps the TAC int bit is a giveaway?

Punctuation, grammar and spelling mistakes in every sentence You mean like a typical Copper's written statement?

It has been my experience that the spelling Nazi rears it's ugly head when someone is losing an argument - so full marks for spelling, but several thousand away for trying to play the edukation card!

[Shjustme]

Ah yes, Geoffrey Prime, the chap with many of the identical characteristics and traits to his former colleage, Chf Tech Britain, who after his long holiday at HM's pleasure was elevated / promoted to the lofty and highly responsible position of porter at Grantham railway station.
These two traitors were only posted into their RAF jobs because the commissioned officers supervising them declared that they were splendid chaps, loyal, hard working, honest, absolute integrity, completely trustworthy, etc, etc, etc. (gawd! I feel sick!)
With those sorts of glowing reports, who on earth could possibly deny them the 'necessary chit' to work in the places from where they subsequently sold their country's safety and security?
How many more officers in the RAF are appallingly poor at judging / assessing the staff under their command?
Quite a lot, I think, judging by some of the comments posted by some people on this forum.

[movadinkampa747]

http://www.wtv-zone.com/Hahnsflyboys/MWD/mail3.jpg
The brain on a chain writes his handlers ACR's.

[Lara crofts pants]

How many more officers in the RAF are appallingly poor at judging / assessing the staff under their command?
Quite a lot, I think, judging by some of the comments posted by some people on this forum.

Sadly old boy this forum shows that many are indeed very good at judging and assessing, hence the numerous comments that poke fun at the laughable RAFP and all that they stand for.

I await with interest the slightly over eloquent (covering for something) replies.

[stevef]

It must grudgingly be said that Shjustme and I sp[r]y are battling bravely in the face of overwhelming odds. We wouldn't have won the Battle of Britain without that sort of spirit! :)

And no, I didn't like snowdrops or their odious SIB colleagues in my blue battledress days.

[Maple 01]

With those sorts of glowing reports, who on earth could possibly deny them the 'necessary chit' to work in the places from where they subsequently sold their country's safety and security?

Well not P&SS or the local Gatow RAFP who couldn't spot either of the pedos even after multiple vetting sessions and close 'undercover' surveillance (yes, we knew who they were, long hair, a droopy ‘tash and feeble cover story).

Chf Tech Britain, what was the story with him?

[Skeleton]

I Sp[r]y - With my spelling I would be an ideal choice for Policeman, then again I have a brain and a sense of humanity so maybe not.

[I Sp[r]y]

I Sp[r]y - With my spelling I would be an ideal choice for Policeman, then again I have a brain and a sense of humanity so maybe not.

Skeleton - I think I know what you are trying to say. I hope you and Brian are very happy together. By the way, was Brian the ginger sex-change F3 pilot ?

[I Sp[r]y]

You’d have thought you could have done better than just reading my profile which may, or may not be wholly accurate without checking further, but regrettably it’s a fair indication of the investigative techniques of the RAFP


OK - so you don't have the balls to accurately represent yourself - why not put yourself up as a he/she F3 pilot called Brian and go the whole hog? That way you could have a real Skeleton in your cupboard. I await your next cunning ruse Mr Benn....


...perhaps the TAC int bit is a giveaway?


Nope, I just took 'TAC Int' to mean 'Tea And Coffee' boy for the 'Int' Officers.


It has been my experience that the spelling Nazi rears it's ugly head when someone is losing an argument

I don't even have to offer a response to that one...... :ugh:

[Skeleton]

:ok: LOL Whose Brian? A Snail maybe and I am not getting into Maple's cupboard for anyone!

Good reposte mate.

[Maple 01]

With your investigative skills you must have been part of the P&SS team that missed for years the fact that Werner Muttz (PA to Station Commander at Gatow) was a Stazi agent - but hey! Counter Sy is perhaps best left to someone better equiped mentally? - Like the kids from Gatow first school.

OK - so you don't have the balls to accurately represent yourself

LOL! It's a fair cop - when I wrote my profile back in 2002 I was all set for a new and glittering career with NATS - it didn't quite work out like that and I have been unable to edit it since - no one knows why. I have explained that several times, but as you're the new kid on the block I'll forgive you this once – never assume, check old boy ! They (hopefully) taught you that at Newton - they did, didn't they? I notice you haven't even given the sligest hint about yourself on your profile - something to do with balls I believe you said?

Following your detective skills and going off what little information you name give us I assume you spent your time inventing the old 'spry crisp and dry' ad from the 1980s - no? A copper and not heard of TAC int? - figures, almost as bright as the one that couldn't handle manifold combination changes and used to get me to do it!

Have you put the spelling Nazi to bed now and are perhaps a little embarrassed for trying that old chestnut? - never mind mate, I'm sure no-one will see through your bluster

[I Sp[r]y]

With your investigative skills you must have been part of the P&SS team that missed for years the fact that Werner Muttz (PA to Station Commander at Gatow) was a Stazi agent - but hey! Counter Sy is perhaps best left to someone else? - Like the kids from Gatow first school.

Following your detective skills I assume you spent your time inventing the old 'spry crisp and dry' ad from the 1980s - no? A copper and not heard of TAC int? - figures, almost as bright as the one that couldn't handle manifold combination changes and used to get me to do it!

Have you put the spelling Nazi to bed now and are perhaps a little embarrassed for trying that old chestnut? - never mind mate, I'm sure no-one will see through your bluster

OOO Mable! I hope that your specially tailored G-suit (gender realigned suit) hasn't been too ruffled! You're definitely no Poirot though - I've only made a couple of postings so it shouldn't be too difficult for you - but let me help you out.... 2006 - 17 = 1989. Unfortunately, I was still in the Sty whilst you were doing your best to prolong the collapse of the wall and your Comrades regime.

As to my profile - well again, I told you exactly what I do if you look on page 11 of this thread.
(PS Mable - I happen to have read the unedited rant you originally made at 0554 hrs before you tried to inject a little humour to it !!!)

Anyhow - enough of this - any real pilots about in here?

[Maple 01]

:ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :{ :{ :{ :) :) :)

Kids hu? Sorry, thought you were an adult

PS Mable - I happen to have read the unedited rant you originally made at 0554 hrs before you tried to inject a little humour to it !!!)

And that worries me how kiddo?

As the great social commentator Rick once said

The People's Poem (Flood)
What do you think you're doing, pig?
Do you really give a fig, pig?
And what's your favourite sort of gig, pig?
Barry Manilow
Or the black and white minstrel show?
edited for lack of humour

[jonny5]

Just to reiterate, we really don't give a monkeys what you plodders do after because your life has already been wasted playing with speed guns and dogs! Just tell a chick you were a plod, she will NOT be impressed. Tell them you were and probably still are a pilot, game on!!:E

[Lara crofts pants]

y']Anyhow - enough of this - any real pilots about in here?

Yes, plenty of us thanks, and we all think you are oxygen thieves too.

[Tombstone]

Oxygen thieves and :mad: Kn*bs.

How anybody could suffer 17 years as a plastic scuffer is beyond me! :ugh:

You can bang on all day Sp[r]y, we'll still loathe you at the end of it...

[terry towelling]

Hey green slime boy. (you call yourself a bloke?!! - FREAK)
Full marks to you for trying to write clever replies, but as usual, full of your own self importance. I refer you to your remarks in post 226 "playing the education card". Remind yourself of what you wrote in post 85!! You're in danger of disappearing up your own ars:mad: le!!
You've left the mob , now let it go, stop clinging on to what you had or is this all you've got? "Nurse, it's time to empty his bag!" (this also applies to the rest of you sand baggers!!)

[Spotting Bad Guys]

y']the less ambitious of us in the CI / Computer Security world (i.e the community that accredited Typhoon systems - Windows NT ??!!) tend to gravitate toward similar Information Assurance activites when the white cap is finally hung up.

Right. Information Assurance and Accreditation. Hmmm..... tell me that you're doing such a great job when we have systems such as RAFCCIS and JOCS that can't even exchange data in any meaningful fashion due to the ridiculous standpoint taken by the system accreditors. It might be 'assured' and virus/trojan/spyware etc free, but it's no bl***y use if you can't actually use the system in anger. SyOps are the most badly conceived and implemented idea since marching slowly towards the German machine guns was considered the thing to do. It seems to me that an inordinate amount of RAFP time is spent in making up unnecessary and bureaucratic rules. Why do you need SyOps for an internet terminal?

Most examples of RAFP 'information assurance' I have come across are the many times on far-flung dets where you see the duty scuffer sitting at one of the (few) welfare internet terminals for hours on end - checking to see if the troops are surfing for porn. Who cares??!?!? Do you actually spend any time at all checking to see what the local websites/papers/media are saying about us? Spend time assessing the actual threat to our personnel? Not from the evidence I've seen - seems to be more about catching our own lads at it.

SBG

[Rocket Chucker]

plus the standard NAAFI fights - luv the Rocks!! ;) ),

Funny you should mention Bruggen, fights, NAAFI and Rocks all in one post to do with the RAF Police. One of my troops on 37 Sqn (Rocks) who was four foot and a dog end and two stone dripping wet needed four six foot + Snowdrops to get him to the guardroom one Friday night after the musical p*ss up in the NAAFI.

Even when they eventually got him there he took one out with a fire extinguisher and it took a few more of Bruggen's finest to get him in the cells. Ahhh! Happy days.:ok:

[Dunhovrin]

I was ear-witness to this exchange on the Puma OCU mid-90s. Excuse me if the details seemly blurry or less funny than I remember.

RAFP FS is investigating low flying complaint from N Yorks. Talking on speaker phone to the trip's auth, who is crouched on his orthopedic backwards chair half-reading a Landrover magazine whilst listening to the scuffer. Now read on...

"Flt Lt [Parts]. We tracked your crew's aircraft flying over Mrs H's farm near Spadeadam at well under 250'. In fact he jinked violently in order to fly over the farm".

Parts: "How do you know how high he was?"

"We tracked him with our mobile radar".

"And You've seen the auth sheets for what he was doing?"

"Yes Sir. EW training"

"So on the way to an Electronic Warfare range for some Electronic Warfare evasion training a helicopter gets locked up by radar and starts evading. Sounds pretty normal to me. Indeed if you hadn't locked him up he wouldn't have started evading so we could say you caused the incident. And remind me again how low was he?"

"We tracked him as low as 133' Sir [smugly]"

"Well that's not very good is it?"

"No Sir"

"He was authed down to 50'. No wonder you prats locked him up. I'll have words. Anything else?"

"Umm No Sir"

"Good. Get Lost"

Click Burr. Parts: "C--t."

[Stumpy1000]

I was in the movements hanger in Northern Ireland in 1990 when a load of squaddies came in complete with weapons as they were being taken out by Herc. The thing that had me almost needing hospitalisation for broken ribs was that the copper by the security scanning machine made the lads put their SA80s through the scanner. One grunt NCO said "what the F**K do you want me to put a gun through the scanner for?? You know its a gun what do you expect to find?? Maybe i have hidden a suitcase in my Gun!' The two acting Cpl coppers looked suitably embarressed and one said 'We are told to scan everything please put your gun in the scanner':ugh: :}

[Big Unit Specialist]

Boulmer around 2001.

RAFP managed to put his noddy car into field upside down and redecorated interior with pizzas he was bringing to the duty shift (while attempting to get them back from Alnwick still hot). We didn't laugh much (Plod was okay although covered in pizza).

Or the other one who tested the submerged capability of a brand new Astra with blue light in a ford (sic) passable only in a landrover.

[Maple 01]

Hey green slime boy. Terry, once again you've given us another example of the RAFP's invesgative skills! AT has pointed out to you already that I was never green slime - just knew a few! In fact I think I mentioned it my self.....right, on with the investigation.....oh, no, I forget......barrier up!

[An Teallach]

Maple, old chum. Do they tend to sit next to you on buses as well? I thought our newly-hooked Walt had found his medication. To be a snowdrop is one thing, to walt is another; but you have to be really 'aff yer tattie' to walt it as a snowdrop!

[Rocket Chucker]

Well TT. I think you have done more for the anti-Snowdrop cause than any other poster on this forum. I don't doubt the professionalism of some in the trade. I had a few mates who were RAF Police - but very few. Most of those I met were insular, morose jobsworthts.

So you've seen a bit - but you're not the only one. I've been shot at by the RAF Plods - negligent discharge; had my position compromised by them whilst on an OP; and was charged by them for falling asleep behind the wheel of a LandRover after patrolling for in excess of 36 hours during the general strike. All in Northern Ireland and all in a four month period so excuse me if I treat your liitle outburst with the contempt it deserves.

Please feel free to start an anti-Rock thread and I promise not to join in and spit my dummy!

:ugh:

[Almost_done]

oh, no, I forget......barrier up!
And barrier down!

[Wilders85]

Interesting thread. But how many respondents are either (ex/current) aircrew or even (ex/current) RAF? (Commissioned or other)

It appears that a lot of hangers on are posting here. People with limited Knowledge or understanding of RAF Life in general.

None the less the banter is good and beneficial even if a bit acidic. It certainly generates debate. As an ex RAFP that had a Brain on a Chain in the 70's I find the comments posted amusing and can relate to many of the anti RAFP feelings.

I was compelled to respond to some of the postings as some are obvious fabrications whilst others are reasonably accurate in content.

It is reasonable to assume that the RAFP have, over the years caused a great deal of animosity. But that was their role as decreed by their lords and masters. On the other hand, Squadron members have, likewise done the same, considering themselves superior to all others on the station. As decreed by their lord and masters!!!! Is there any difference ? Is this not exactly what the British Military System encourages between units/departments/sections. Please discuss !!!!!!!

Before you castigate me completely, as I fully expect you will, I will say I left the community in 87 after 15 fantastic years. Associating with all ranks and trades, enjoying the banter and abuse and down right ridicule, Passed both ways.

Keep up the good work on this thread. It is an open debate where opinions can be expressed without censorship (And god knows I expirienced enough of that in my time). But beware of fabricators as they discredit genuine debate.

Regards to all genuine members of this forum.