"Captain Retirement"
"Captain Retirement"
Good day one and all,
I hope this is in the right place. It's not my own and I'm not a pilot either, but in view of all the doom & gloom affecting virtually everyone in the business these days I thought it may be worth a quick grin. It certainly made me smile.
QUOTE:
We have an airliner cockpit mock-up in our house.
When I mention to my wife that I miss flying by being retired, she puts me in the mock-up for 8 hours, starting at around bed time.
She has a chair in a closet, puts on the vacuum cleaner to simulate cockpit air noise, has a dim nite-lite to simulate cockpit lighting, and sometime in the middle of the night she serves me luke-warm chicken with cold vegetables on a tray.
When I get sleepy and attempt to doze off she knocks twice loudly on the door to simulate the F/As entering the cockpit. Then after 6 hours she turns on a flood light directly in front of me to simulate the sun coming up when approaching 20 west. I then get a cup of coffee that has been in the coffeemaker all night. Finally she lets me out and I have to get in the back seat of her car while she runs morning errands to simulate the bus ride to the hotel. When we get home I tell her I am ready for bed but she locks the bedroom door for an hour to simulate the hotel rooms not being ready.
When I promise to never "complain" about being retired, I am allowed to enjoy my "layover" and go to bed.
Oh, a few more things: Once I'm in bed she talks loudly to her friends just outside the bedroom door to simulate the hotel maids chattering in the hall in their native language. AND she also runs the vacuum cleaner outside the bedroom door, banging it from time to time against the door.
After two hours of sleep she calls the phone next to the bed from her cell and says, "This is crew scheduling, you are re-scheduled!" She also sets the alarm clock for one hour later to simulate the clock being left on by the previous overnighter. She then calls again saying she wants to talk with "Joe; this isn't Joe...I must have the wrong number." Then she calls a few minutes later saying, "This is housekeeping...do you need some new linens?"Do I really miss the airline business? Some parts, but certainly not all of it.
UNQUOTE:
Thanks for that Bill, and I hope everyone got a bit of a giggle out of it.
Krgds
AES
I hope this is in the right place. It's not my own and I'm not a pilot either, but in view of all the doom & gloom affecting virtually everyone in the business these days I thought it may be worth a quick grin. It certainly made me smile.
QUOTE:
We have an airliner cockpit mock-up in our house.
When I mention to my wife that I miss flying by being retired, she puts me in the mock-up for 8 hours, starting at around bed time.
She has a chair in a closet, puts on the vacuum cleaner to simulate cockpit air noise, has a dim nite-lite to simulate cockpit lighting, and sometime in the middle of the night she serves me luke-warm chicken with cold vegetables on a tray.
When I get sleepy and attempt to doze off she knocks twice loudly on the door to simulate the F/As entering the cockpit. Then after 6 hours she turns on a flood light directly in front of me to simulate the sun coming up when approaching 20 west. I then get a cup of coffee that has been in the coffeemaker all night. Finally she lets me out and I have to get in the back seat of her car while she runs morning errands to simulate the bus ride to the hotel. When we get home I tell her I am ready for bed but she locks the bedroom door for an hour to simulate the hotel rooms not being ready.
When I promise to never "complain" about being retired, I am allowed to enjoy my "layover" and go to bed.
Oh, a few more things: Once I'm in bed she talks loudly to her friends just outside the bedroom door to simulate the hotel maids chattering in the hall in their native language. AND she also runs the vacuum cleaner outside the bedroom door, banging it from time to time against the door.
After two hours of sleep she calls the phone next to the bed from her cell and says, "This is crew scheduling, you are re-scheduled!" She also sets the alarm clock for one hour later to simulate the clock being left on by the previous overnighter. She then calls again saying she wants to talk with "Joe; this isn't Joe...I must have the wrong number." Then she calls a few minutes later saying, "This is housekeeping...do you need some new linens?"Do I really miss the airline business? Some parts, but certainly not all of it.
UNQUOTE:
Thanks for that Bill, and I hope everyone got a bit of a giggle out of it.
Krgds
AES
Brill!
Join Date: Jan 2002
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Ah yes I remember it well. That describes LHR layovers to a T.
But I would add YYZ winter layovers and the strange fixation Friday and Saturday night revellers had with hotel fire alarms. 2am Sunday morning at -10C in the hotel car park RVP was really no fun.
But I would add YYZ winter layovers and the strange fixation Friday and Saturday night revellers had with hotel fire alarms. 2am Sunday morning at -10C in the hotel car park RVP was really no fun.
Join Date: Jul 2006
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And the Forte, that was, directly opposite Glasgow Airport entrance.
Fire alarm going off 3 times in two hours, each one with 13 ( if l remember correctly) floors to run down with burning smells.
Welding in the basement set it off.
Whoever wrote that has been there !
Fire alarm going off 3 times in two hours, each one with 13 ( if l remember correctly) floors to run down with burning smells.
Welding in the basement set it off.
Whoever wrote that has been there !
Join Date: May 2001
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The wife also has to play the "Famous Driller", the one who has been following me with his Hilti for years in every hotel, and hiding all the time, as I could never find him..
Join Date: May 2008
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the joys of flying
I have experienced every one of these events! A very complete list of distractions to proper rest, to which I would add the wail of the Muezzin in various places in the Middle East, the clanging of church bells in Europe on a Sunday morning, closing hour riots as the probably only disco in town in Niamey Niger lets out at 3am below my hotel window. And my favorite rest interruption, every time the power went out in Lagos the hotel electronics would squawk endlessly until the generator kicked in. The person who wrote this must have been a long haul freight pilot too! Very amusing!
