Take 5--Aviation Potpourri

[Warthog 1]

Enjoy this bit o' wisdom. .. .1. Never trade luck for skill. . .2. The three most common expressions in aviation are, "Why is it doing that?" "Where are we?" and "!!!!!!" . .3. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. . .4. Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.. .5. Airspeed, altitude or brains: two are always needed to successfully complete the flight. . .. . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> . .6. A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication. . .7. I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous. . .8. Will Rogers never met a fighter pilot. . .9. We have a perfect record in aviation: we never left one up there! . .10. If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and unsafe. . .11. Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries. . .13. Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee. . .14. Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding the problem. . .15. When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.Robert ivingston, "Flying The Aeronca" . .16. Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day. Layton A. Bennett . .17. Never fly the 'A' model of anything. Ed Thompson . .18. When a prang seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible. Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. . .19. The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot . .20. A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. Jon McBride, astronaut . .21. If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. Bob Hoover . .22. If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; Ride the bastard down Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican' . .23. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I Am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing. Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena. .24. You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. Paul F Crickmore . .25. Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Richard Herman,Jr., 'Firebreak' . .26. There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970. (It was still there in 1999) . .27. The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and good bowel movement; The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. Unknown . .28. A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A- 320: "Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." . .29. What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies. . .30. Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club. . .31. If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to. . .. .32. Basic Flying Rules: . .1. Try to stay in the middle of the air. . .2. Do not go near the edges of it. . .3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to. .fly there.