scummy lawyers
Guest
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scummy lawyers
This topic has nothing to do aviation other than the fact that I would personally like to see all lawyers (for which I read 'parasites') taken out, propped up against the nearest wall, and shot to death, slowly.
Any comments, bearing in mind that that the CAA is severely over-populated with the parasite scum?
Any comments, bearing in mind that that the CAA is severely over-populated with the parasite scum?
Guest
Posts: n/a
Thanks, that made it clear.
BTW, stand by for incoming, there is a few lawyers lurking around on these pages and they may have a word with you.
In the meantime, I shall sit back, relax and fasten my seat belt.
------------------
Men, this is no drill...
BTW, stand by for incoming, there is a few lawyers lurking around on these pages and they may have a word with you.
In the meantime, I shall sit back, relax and fasten my seat belt.
------------------
Men, this is no drill...
Cunning Artificer
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 3,125
Likes: 7
From: The spiritual home of DeHavilland
This "Lawyer's father" isn't asleep though.
I know one lawyer who is beautiful, charming, witty, intelligent and rolling in dosh. I steered her in this direction because I didn't want her to turn out like her aircraft engineer father...
ugly, insulting, churlish, dumb and broke
In any case, her grandmother doesn't have a gangrenous leg precisely because someone was able to pay for her medical treatment.
Everyone hates lawyers until they really need one; in the courts there's always a winner to match every loser. I expect that young lady who just won US$300,000,000 from her ex-husbands estate doesn't share Vmike's opinions about lawyers. Of course, she killed her 80 year old husband but that was exactly how he wanted to go
**********************************
Through difficulties to the cinema
I know one lawyer who is beautiful, charming, witty, intelligent and rolling in dosh. I steered her in this direction because I didn't want her to turn out like her aircraft engineer father...
ugly, insulting, churlish, dumb and broke
In any case, her grandmother doesn't have a gangrenous leg precisely because someone was able to pay for her medical treatment.
Everyone hates lawyers until they really need one; in the courts there's always a winner to match every loser. I expect that young lady who just won US$300,000,000 from her ex-husbands estate doesn't share Vmike's opinions about lawyers. Of course, she killed her 80 year old husband but that was exactly how he wanted to go
**********************************
Through difficulties to the cinema
Guest
Posts: n/a
Thanks Blacksheep. I too am a lawyer's father, and she too is beautiful charming and witty!
I did steer her away from Legal Aid though. Not much money and an uncertain future. You do need a vocation to get out of bed at 2 a.m and go to a police station to assist your client.
I did steer her away from Legal Aid though. Not much money and an uncertain future. You do need a vocation to get out of bed at 2 a.m and go to a police station to assist your client.
Guest
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But what an opportunity for lawyer jokes:
Lawyers: people who can write a 50,000 word document and call it a brief.
Why do they bury lawyers 12 foot down?
Because, deep down, lawyers are OK.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.
A teacher asks her students what their fathers do.
James proudly says "My father is a doctor"
Mary says "My father is pilot"
Billy says "My father plays the piano in a whorehouse"
Aghast the teacher changes the subject and, after school, goes around to Billy's house to explain what Billy is telling people his father does. Billy's father listens patiently then explains, "I'm actually a lawyer, but how can I explain that to a seven year old!!
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven where he finds St Peter waiting for him who takes him by the hand and leads him to a comfortable seat at the head of the queue with a cushion and a rug. "If you do'nt mind me asking", says the lawyer, "why are you taking such good car of me?". St Peter replies, "Well, we have added up all the hours you have billed your clients and, by our calculations, you must be 195 years old!"
A lawyer and a doctor have an argument over precedence. They refer it to Diogenes who, after consideration returns the following verdict in favour of the lawyer. "Let the thief go first, followed by the executioner".
Diogenes went looking for an honest lawyer. A week later a friend asked him how the search was going. "Not to bad", said Diogenes, "I still have my lantern".
For three years a young lawyer takes his annual holiday at the same country inn. On the third trip he has an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. On his return the next year he find's the daughter sitting on the porch with a young baby in her arms. "Why did you not tell me!" the lawyer exclaims, "I would have rushed back, we could have got married and the baby would have my name! "Well", said the girl, "When my folk's found out about my condition and we sat up all night and talked about it and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer".
You are in a room with Adolph Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You have a gun with only 3 bullets. Who do shoot?
Answer: The lawyer 3 times, just to make sure.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets Frequent Flier miles.
You heard about the terrorist who hi-jacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one an hour until his demands were met!
Why does California have some many lawyers and new Jersey so many toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got to choose first.
Why did the Post Office have to withdraw it's series of stamps of famous lawyers?
People got confused about which side to spit on.
How may lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? 65.
42 to sue the power company for the surge.
14 to sue the electrician who wired the house.
9 to sue the light bulb manufacturer.
It's been discovered that lawyers are the larval stage of politicians.
The trouble with the legal profession is that 98 per cent of of it's members give the rest a bad name.
A truck driver used to amuse himself by swerving and running over any lawyer he saw. One day he saw a priest walking along the side of the road and stopped to give him a lift. A few miles up the road he saw a lawyer and swerved towards him, remembered at the last moment he had a priest on board and turned to just miss him. As he passed him he still heard a loud thump even though he was sure he had missed. Turning to the priest he said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that lawyer". That's alright my son", said the priest, "I got him with the door".
A devout couple die on their way to the church and, after arriving in Heaven explain to St Peter that they want to get married. He thinks about and tell them that they have to wait. A 100 years later he sends for them and they have a simple wedding. 30 years later they decide that they cannot spend eternity together and go back to St Peter to explain that they would like a divorce. "Are you kidding!" exclaimed St Peter, "It took me a 100 years to get a priest up here to marry you! I'll never get a lawyer!!"
A lawyer was approached by the devil. The devil said he could fix it for the lawyer to win all his court cases; earn 4 times as much money; work only one day a week; be appointed to the Supreme Court at 42 and live to 95. All he has to do is promise the devil his soul, his wife's soul and the souls of all his children. The lawyer thought about it for a few minutes before asking, "So, what's the catch?"
Lawyers: people who can write a 50,000 word document and call it a brief.
Why do they bury lawyers 12 foot down?
Because, deep down, lawyers are OK.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
An offer you can't understand.
A teacher asks her students what their fathers do.
James proudly says "My father is a doctor"
Mary says "My father is pilot"
Billy says "My father plays the piano in a whorehouse"
Aghast the teacher changes the subject and, after school, goes around to Billy's house to explain what Billy is telling people his father does. Billy's father listens patiently then explains, "I'm actually a lawyer, but how can I explain that to a seven year old!!
A lawyer dies and goes to heaven where he finds St Peter waiting for him who takes him by the hand and leads him to a comfortable seat at the head of the queue with a cushion and a rug. "If you do'nt mind me asking", says the lawyer, "why are you taking such good car of me?". St Peter replies, "Well, we have added up all the hours you have billed your clients and, by our calculations, you must be 195 years old!"
A lawyer and a doctor have an argument over precedence. They refer it to Diogenes who, after consideration returns the following verdict in favour of the lawyer. "Let the thief go first, followed by the executioner".
Diogenes went looking for an honest lawyer. A week later a friend asked him how the search was going. "Not to bad", said Diogenes, "I still have my lantern".
For three years a young lawyer takes his annual holiday at the same country inn. On the third trip he has an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. On his return the next year he find's the daughter sitting on the porch with a young baby in her arms. "Why did you not tell me!" the lawyer exclaims, "I would have rushed back, we could have got married and the baby would have my name! "Well", said the girl, "When my folk's found out about my condition and we sat up all night and talked about it and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer".
You are in a room with Adolph Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You have a gun with only 3 bullets. Who do shoot?
Answer: The lawyer 3 times, just to make sure.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets Frequent Flier miles.
You heard about the terrorist who hi-jacked a 747 full of lawyers? He threatened to release one an hour until his demands were met!
Why does California have some many lawyers and new Jersey so many toxic waste dumps?
New Jersey got to choose first.
Why did the Post Office have to withdraw it's series of stamps of famous lawyers?
People got confused about which side to spit on.
How may lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? 65.
42 to sue the power company for the surge.
14 to sue the electrician who wired the house.
9 to sue the light bulb manufacturer.
It's been discovered that lawyers are the larval stage of politicians.
The trouble with the legal profession is that 98 per cent of of it's members give the rest a bad name.
A truck driver used to amuse himself by swerving and running over any lawyer he saw. One day he saw a priest walking along the side of the road and stopped to give him a lift. A few miles up the road he saw a lawyer and swerved towards him, remembered at the last moment he had a priest on board and turned to just miss him. As he passed him he still heard a loud thump even though he was sure he had missed. Turning to the priest he said, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that lawyer". That's alright my son", said the priest, "I got him with the door".
A devout couple die on their way to the church and, after arriving in Heaven explain to St Peter that they want to get married. He thinks about and tell them that they have to wait. A 100 years later he sends for them and they have a simple wedding. 30 years later they decide that they cannot spend eternity together and go back to St Peter to explain that they would like a divorce. "Are you kidding!" exclaimed St Peter, "It took me a 100 years to get a priest up here to marry you! I'll never get a lawyer!!"
A lawyer was approached by the devil. The devil said he could fix it for the lawyer to win all his court cases; earn 4 times as much money; work only one day a week; be appointed to the Supreme Court at 42 and live to 95. All he has to do is promise the devil his soul, his wife's soul and the souls of all his children. The lawyer thought about it for a few minutes before asking, "So, what's the catch?"
