Gordy,

I absolutely cannot let that pass without a very firm and comprehensive rebuff, which I will give the moment I get back from seeing my counsellor.

what's the deferance between god and a helicopter pilot?

God won't tell you he is a helicopter pilot!!!

helicopter funny stories
 

People keep telling me what a complicated piece of machinery a helicopter is but their is only 2 nuts on them the one that holds the blades on called the jesus nut because if that comes off the pilot usualy goes "JESUS CHRIST" and the other flys it.

I was told (Fleet Air Arm) that the Jesus nut is so called because it's the only thing between you and God. .:)

What does a helicopter pilot use for contraception?

His personality.

And what does an Airline pilot use for a personality?

His Income!

How do you make 1 million dollars flying helicopters????



Start with 2 million.

A woman runs into a Police station Yelling and screaming!!

The desk sergant asks whats the Problem? She says ive just been raped by an airline Pilot!!!


Police say, How do you know he was an airline Pilot ?







She says well! he had a Big watch a Little Dick and he wouldn't stop talking about himself.....




:E

A little humour in the morning
 

Ok, first off let me say this has nothing to do with aviation or helicopters. However having listened to it I haven't laughed as hard in a long time, so I wanted to share it.

A guy is driving to work and witnesses an accident involving one car hitting a car with 4 old ladies in it.

It was originally aired on a radio show in Texas. True or not it is still hilarious.

Hope you laugh as much as I did!

http://www.chumfm.com/MorningShow/bits/march24.swf

That is excellent!!!!! Good old dears!!!!

Give him some hell!!!!


R22

That is bl:mad: y excellent!!!

Never underestimate the old!!!!:ok:

Outstanding. I have tears in my eyes....:D

Ha Ha Ha !!!! Brilliant !

Made me laugh out loud , but having lived in Texas for a 12 years and having a Texan wife I don't doubt its authenticity , those Texas women are pretty feisty !

They don't have the slogan " Don't Mess with Texas " in the Lone Star state for nothing.

Remember the Alamo !!!! YeeeeeeeHaaaaa.

Have not laughed so much in a long time...........
Sent it to all I know and they love it as well.
Must have been great to watch.

Heli, non-heli (and even non-aviation) humour ...
 

I read this sometime ago. It is pretty good...

"Qantas Gripe sheets

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

Note: Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a major accident.

P = The problem logged by the pilot
S = The solution and action taken by the maintenance people.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget."

P: Clock unserviceable
S: Small knurled knob bottom right hand corner of clock turned clockwise 25 times – clock serviceable.

This really happened in my unit in Vietnam:

P= World distorted through windshield
S= Rotated world once

sooo funny
 

wonderful, i´m still laughing....very good :p

Comcat

Target Radar ... IFF.....QANTAS!!!!!

You're having a laugh!

I always like this one....

P: Fuel leak under right tank cell
S: Leak normal
P : (after next flight) no leak under left cell tank !