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One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy S**t! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. |
Subject: A 5-yearold's first job
Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time. A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us." "Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the f*ckin' sheet rock..." Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it? |
Whats the differance between a French Kiss and a Kiwi kiss?
The French kiss with there tounges, and the Kiwi's kiss Downunder! :E Hughesy |
O yeah and the punishment for polygamy are all those mother-in-laws!!! :}
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My Mother-in-law is an angel......however her sweet and kind character sure skipped a generation! Now take my wife.....someone please!
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Check out this guy! Having fun with a telemarketer:ok:
http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmns...884aa22ec06b13 rotordude |
Rotordude
This is brilliant! I watched it yesterday and just stopped laughing moments ago! |
Bizarre Driving Laws
Only in the US! :ok:
Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street as long as a lantern is attached to the front of your car. Driving barefoot is illegal. Alaska It is illegal to tie a dog to the roof of your car. Arkansas It is illegal for a person to blare the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9 p.m. California Any woman dressed in a housecoat is prohibited from driving a car. It is illegal in San Francisco to buff or dry your car with used underwear. No unoccupied vehicle may exceed 60 miles per hour. Florida If an elephant is tied to a parking meter, the owner or attendant must deposit money in the meter. Georgia State Assembly members are immune from being ticketed for speeding while the State Assembly is in session. In Marietta, Georgia it is illegal to spit from a moving car or bus, but is okay from a moving truck. Illinois In Evanston, Illinois it is unlawful to change clothes while inside a car with the curtains drawn, except during a fire. Kansas In Derby, Kansas, it is considered a misdemeanor to screech your tires while driving. Kentucky If you stop for ice cream while driving, be aware that it is considered unlawful to transport an ice cream cone in your back pocket. Massachusetts You will be ticketed if you drive with a gorilla in the backseat of your car. Michigan If you car breaks down in Detroit and you are waiting for assistance, be aware that sitting in the middle of the street to read a newspaper is illegal. Minnesota It is illegal to cross state lines, regardless if you are walking or driving, with a duck on your head. And, if you're crossing into Wisconsin, the law also applies to chickens. In Minnetonka, Minnesota, if you drive a truck that leaves mud, dirt or sticky substances on any road, you will be considered a public nuisance who is harming the peace, safety, and general welfare of the town. You cannot ride a motorcycle without a shirt. Montana In Whitehall, Montana, vehicles are prohibited from driving with ice picks attached to the wheels. Nevada It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. New Jersey Drivers are required to beep their car horns before passing another vehicle. If convicted of driving while intoxicated, you permanently lose the option of registering for a vanity license plate. North Carolina In Dunn, North Carolina, it is illegal to drive on a sidewalk. Ohio In Oxford, Ohio, authorities will ticket you if you consecutively drive around the town square more than 100 times. Keep in mind that if your car breaks down and you phone for a cab, you will be ticketed if you opt to ride on the cab's roof. Oklahoma It is considered illegal to read a comic book while driving. Oregon You will be ticketed if you leave your car door open longer than is deemed necessary. You will be slapped with a Class A traffic violation if you use your car on an Oregon highway to prove your physical endurance. It is illegal to pump your own gas. Pennsylvania If you spy a team of approaching horses, you are required by law to pull to the side of the road and cover your car with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted or sewn to blend into the scenery. But, if the horses react skittish to your efforts, you are then required to disassemble your car and hide the parts in the nearby underbrush. South Carolina In Hilton Head, South Carolina, you cannot leave trash in your vehicle out of fear of attracting rats. Tennessee It is illegal to fire a gun at any wild game other than whales from a moving car. West Virginia It is perfectly legal, for road maintenance purposes, to scavenge road kill. |
Can anyone tell me if it is legal in America for a man to marry his widow's sister?
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Farmer
You can look at that way, if it is not forbidden it must be allowed! If you manage to get this done, please let us know. |
Widder's sister
Aaaaaha, no sireeee Bob, it ain't never gonna happ'n here in the good ole US of A. But ye can do it Europe: http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/europe...e.marriage.ap/
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Video - burglar in front of police
Hi,
the video made it over the channel ;-) http://www.spiegel.de/panorama/justi...484556,00.html Shows three persons who take something out of a house - with police standing in front of it.... Better watch out, when on duty ;-) Greetings Flying Bull |
I heard in West Virginia that when two folks divorce they remain brother and sister as before they married.
"Virgins" in WVA are girls that can run faster than their brothers and uncles. |
A man is heading down the M6, just before midnight, at 110mph, suddenly he spots a Police patrol car in his mirror with lights blazing. He pulls over and waits for the inevitable talking to.
"good evening sir, i have clocked you at 110mph for the last 2 miles, my shift only lasts another 5 minutes and to be honest i could do without the paperwork. So if you can give me a reason that i havent heard before, why you were speeding then i will let you off" The gentleman thinks for a minute then says, " well officer just this morning my wife ran away with a policeman.............and i thought you were bringing her back" :} |
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"
Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry : "9." Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36." And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks : "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants." Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" Harry: "Coconut." The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. Ms. Brooks : "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum." Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" Harry: "Shake hands." The principal was trembling. Ms. Brooks : "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...... " |
Whilst working in the wilds of Belucistan years ago I had a British Engineer partnered with me on the remote site where we were building high tension power lines.
Eric, the Engineer, was on the top of the Alouette III re-torquing something fairly large as he definitely straining for all he was worth to get that nice "click" out of the torque wrench. As it was the middle of summer and quite warm he was bleeding beer from his pores in buckets. I padded by headed for the creek for a swim with a cold beer in hand and offered a bit of advice to him.....that being...."Ah C'mon Eric...give it a good yank!" Without missing a beat he replied....."I did not know there was such a thing!" |
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My Dad is a Father
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book,
and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way." The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for awhile, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar |
One of our Polish Rotorheads went to renew his CPL(H). First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." |
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