GOM Gossip
Join Date: Apr 2003
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Doctor, it's the flashbacks again!
After one of my final farewell parties (just the third, I think it was) I returned to the clammy embrace of the big red-white-and-blue machine to find that one thing had changed at the Watering Hole.
It was still the same crowd at the bar but behind it, what were those brown bottles with the flashy tin-foil neck decor?
'Satzenbrau. It's new. Here, try one...'
I awoke the next morning to find that I had been fitted with a steel skull-cap two sizes too small and that some joker had taken my eyeballs out and sanded and varnished them before crudely refitting them. Also, my mouth tasted the way the parrot smelled. 'Welcome back!' I guess it's called.
As Dirty Harry once said, 'A man has to know his limitations.' So it's Shirley Temples for me. Well, I did have a Guinness at my last final farewell party, if that counts.
It was still the same crowd at the bar but behind it, what were those brown bottles with the flashy tin-foil neck decor?
'Satzenbrau. It's new. Here, try one...'
I awoke the next morning to find that I had been fitted with a steel skull-cap two sizes too small and that some joker had taken my eyeballs out and sanded and varnished them before crudely refitting them. Also, my mouth tasted the way the parrot smelled. 'Welcome back!' I guess it's called.
As Dirty Harry once said, 'A man has to know his limitations.' So it's Shirley Temples for me. Well, I did have a Guinness at my last final farewell party, if that counts.
Join Date: Aug 2003
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SAS
Still working on it but if I get any right please don't send me back to the GOM. Being an escapee I constantly have nightmares about being caught and returned there against my will.
Just one question, are the dimensions of the thing y'all call a mobile home the same as what I'all call a Trailer? In feet and inches in case you are trying to trick us all!!
Hippo
Still working on it but if I get any right please don't send me back to the GOM. Being an escapee I constantly have nightmares about being caught and returned there against my will.
Just one question, are the dimensions of the thing y'all call a mobile home the same as what I'all call a Trailer? In feet and inches in case you are trying to trick us all!!
Hippo
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Hippo,
as I found out to my cost, there are a number of holes in the questions and it is up to us to determine our own assumptions and to justify them where necessary.
So a mobile home may, or may not be, the same size as a trailer. 'Sup to you!
Cheers
Whirls
as I found out to my cost, there are a number of holes in the questions and it is up to us to determine our own assumptions and to justify them where necessary.
So a mobile home may, or may not be, the same size as a trailer. 'Sup to you!
Cheers
Whirls
Trailer, Mobile Home, defined! GOM Standards
Mobile Home
Trailer
Mobile Home on the Water
GOM Pilot Quarters (Standard)
Trailer
Mobile Home on the Water
GOM Pilot Quarters (Standard)
Join Date: Apr 2003
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Another flashback!
During my first, and last, job as a gen-u-wine airline pilot (F/O for Atlantis Airlines PLC of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, on a Twin Otter) some brainbox came up with the idea of catching the big numbers coming out of Florence early in the morning to Myrtle Beach. This involved a nightstop, of course.
Rather than spend big money on two rooms at a Days Inn or a Motel 6 our management secured the use of a 28-foot trailer or mobile home or whatever it's called. This was a new one to me, not being a son of the South in any way, shape or form.
I had noticed these things parked up dark hollows with the cut-up tractor tire flower bed, the rusty '66 GTO around the side, various hound dogs of dubious parentage standing watch by the side of the road and some creature clad in denim that had seemingly lost its razor glowering as if to say either 'Whar you frum?' 'Whut you lookin' at?' 'You frum Noo Yawk City?' or perhaps all of these. It came to my mind that I had better not stop to pass the time, just in case that was the wife and not the husband I was looking at there. Never in my wildest dreams did it come to mind that I might actually get to spend a night in such a contraption as a mobile home.
So there we were for our first Florence night stop, told that, 'Accomodation has been arranged.' The kid who did the dispatching dumped us in front of this... thing. Jerry Bohon and I just looked at each other, as if to ask who was making a joke here.
It was winter and this contraption must have had cardboard for insulation. The hot-air furnace would noisily run for about five minutes, raising the temperature from zero to about plus twenty C. and then shut off. Ten minutes later it would repeat this cycle, all night long.
When we got up in the morning (notice I did not say 'wake up' since we had been awake all night long listening to the furnace) we turned on the radio to listen to 'The Egg Report.' Well, I guess it made a change from classical music on WQXR, 'The Radio Station of The New York Times.'
The next time we had to do this Jerry and I brought sleeping bags, so that we could turn that furnace off. Of course then we did a little problem with getting up to dress in freezing temperatures but at least we had been able to sleep.
Well, at least I found out why that guy by the side of the road looked so grouchy!
Rather than spend big money on two rooms at a Days Inn or a Motel 6 our management secured the use of a 28-foot trailer or mobile home or whatever it's called. This was a new one to me, not being a son of the South in any way, shape or form.
I had noticed these things parked up dark hollows with the cut-up tractor tire flower bed, the rusty '66 GTO around the side, various hound dogs of dubious parentage standing watch by the side of the road and some creature clad in denim that had seemingly lost its razor glowering as if to say either 'Whar you frum?' 'Whut you lookin' at?' 'You frum Noo Yawk City?' or perhaps all of these. It came to my mind that I had better not stop to pass the time, just in case that was the wife and not the husband I was looking at there. Never in my wildest dreams did it come to mind that I might actually get to spend a night in such a contraption as a mobile home.
So there we were for our first Florence night stop, told that, 'Accomodation has been arranged.' The kid who did the dispatching dumped us in front of this... thing. Jerry Bohon and I just looked at each other, as if to ask who was making a joke here.
It was winter and this contraption must have had cardboard for insulation. The hot-air furnace would noisily run for about five minutes, raising the temperature from zero to about plus twenty C. and then shut off. Ten minutes later it would repeat this cycle, all night long.
When we got up in the morning (notice I did not say 'wake up' since we had been awake all night long listening to the furnace) we turned on the radio to listen to 'The Egg Report.' Well, I guess it made a change from classical music on WQXR, 'The Radio Station of The New York Times.'
The next time we had to do this Jerry and I brought sleeping bags, so that we could turn that furnace off. Of course then we did a little problem with getting up to dress in freezing temperatures but at least we had been able to sleep.
Well, at least I found out why that guy by the side of the road looked so grouchy!
Join Date: Aug 2003
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Thanks Whirls,
I think I was just about to crack the answers but SAS's new pictures gave me such bad nighmares I have decided not to enter the game anymore.
The thing is that apart from the one on stilts, I have seen most of the other types for real down there near Morgan City!
You would think that those pilots would park their veeehiccles a bit better, they make the place look untidy!!
Hippo
I think I was just about to crack the answers but SAS's new pictures gave me such bad nighmares I have decided not to enter the game anymore.
The thing is that apart from the one on stilts, I have seen most of the other types for real down there near Morgan City!
You would think that those pilots would park their veeehiccles a bit better, they make the place look untidy!!
Hippo
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You would think that those pilots would park their veeehiccles a bit better, they make the place look untidy!!
Cheers
Whirls
Join Date: Mar 2006
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You might be a GOM pilot if:
your aircraft has a twin-tone colour scheme: primer red and primer grey
your helicopter has a shotgun rack
you think a twin squirrel is a romantic dinner for two
your hunting dawg costs more than the helicopter you fly him around in
all your flight suits have logos sewn on
you think a gazelle is foreign food
you've ever been told that you can't enter a helicopter in nascar
sorry, shamelessly adapted from various sites - I'm sure you're all really nice folks down there, really
your aircraft has a twin-tone colour scheme: primer red and primer grey
your helicopter has a shotgun rack
you think a twin squirrel is a romantic dinner for two
your hunting dawg costs more than the helicopter you fly him around in
all your flight suits have logos sewn on
you think a gazelle is foreign food
you've ever been told that you can't enter a helicopter in nascar
sorry, shamelessly adapted from various sites - I'm sure you're all really nice folks down there, really
Hovering AND talking
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Nice one Pandalet,I can just imagine Sassy stroking his beard and nodding wisely to those words, wondering what the joke is!
Cheers
Whirls
Whirls,
If you only knew how true some of those are!
Boudreaux meets the Devil
Ole Boudreaux, he die and he don't go up! When he get down there, that old devil put Boudreaux in a room by himself. The Devil, he crank up the heat and come back an hour later. "How you like that?" Devil asks.
"Ah my cher, it be just like a summer day down in the quarter of Nawlins" say Boudreaux.
Devil he crank up the heat some more. When he come back, Boudreaux is sweating, done got his shirt off and panting for air. "Now how you like that?" say the Devil.
"Ah my, it's just like when we was down on dem bayou in the summer a catching dem catfish and boiling them crawdads!" say Boudreaux.
Old Devil, him get mad. He reach up there and turn the heat down. Way down about -40 degree, and leave.
When he come back, Boudreaux is in there shivering, he got the ice on his nose and hair, teeth chattering.....Devil asks "OK now, you cajun, now how you like dat?"
Boudreaux say "It's so cold! My friend, I just can't believe it, I done won so much money I don't know where to spend it!"
Devil asks "What you mean?"
Boudreaux say "This is hell, right?"
Devil say "Yeah."
Boudreaux say "Well if it's this cold, the Saints must have won dem Superbowl!"
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStre...es/bjokes.html
If you only knew how true some of those are!
Boudreaux meets the Devil
Ole Boudreaux, he die and he don't go up! When he get down there, that old devil put Boudreaux in a room by himself. The Devil, he crank up the heat and come back an hour later. "How you like that?" Devil asks.
"Ah my cher, it be just like a summer day down in the quarter of Nawlins" say Boudreaux.
Devil he crank up the heat some more. When he come back, Boudreaux is sweating, done got his shirt off and panting for air. "Now how you like that?" say the Devil.
"Ah my, it's just like when we was down on dem bayou in the summer a catching dem catfish and boiling them crawdads!" say Boudreaux.
Old Devil, him get mad. He reach up there and turn the heat down. Way down about -40 degree, and leave.
When he come back, Boudreaux is in there shivering, he got the ice on his nose and hair, teeth chattering.....Devil asks "OK now, you cajun, now how you like dat?"
Boudreaux say "It's so cold! My friend, I just can't believe it, I done won so much money I don't know where to spend it!"
Devil asks "What you mean?"
Boudreaux say "This is hell, right?"
Devil say "Yeah."
Boudreaux say "Well if it's this cold, the Saints must have won dem Superbowl!"
http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStre...es/bjokes.html
Last edited by SASless; 23rd Mar 2006 at 13:23.
Hovering AND talking
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Can anyone else hear banjoes?
Cheers
Whirls
Bubba and Earl, two Gulf of Mexico Helicopter pilots, are driving back home from Fourchon when they notice they need some gas. They start looking for a gas station and see a sign that reads "Free Sex with Fill-up." They pull in and tell the attendant to "fill 'er up." After he's done the attendant goes to the window and says that it would be $18.00 for the gas. (This is an old story.)
They pay and as the attendant starts to walk away Bubba yells "What about my free sex?". The attendant rolls his eyes and goes to the window and says, "OK, but you have to guess the magic number. It's a number between 1 and 10." Bubba said, "6." The attendant says "No, the number is 3. Sorry."
As the attendant starts to walk off Earl says, "Give me a try." The attendant says "OK." Earl says, "7." And the attendant says "No, I told you the number was 3."
Bubba then speeds off and Earl looks over and says, "I think that game was fixed. There is no way to win." To which Bubba replies, "Uh, Uh, my wife won three times last week."
(Adapted from a Lewis Grizzard story told on the Designing Women television show)
They pay and as the attendant starts to walk away Bubba yells "What about my free sex?". The attendant rolls his eyes and goes to the window and says, "OK, but you have to guess the magic number. It's a number between 1 and 10." Bubba said, "6." The attendant says "No, the number is 3. Sorry."
As the attendant starts to walk off Earl says, "Give me a try." The attendant says "OK." Earl says, "7." And the attendant says "No, I told you the number was 3."
Bubba then speeds off and Earl looks over and says, "I think that game was fixed. There is no way to win." To which Bubba replies, "Uh, Uh, my wife won three times last week."
(Adapted from a Lewis Grizzard story told on the Designing Women television show)
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Whirlygig:
I have to correct you on the " one minute to fall a tree " thing.
It actually takes between 5 to 7 minutes.
1 st you have to cut a notch in the direction you wish the tree to fall .
2: Make a cut equivalent to > than one bar (chian saw bar) width on the side opposite the notch.
3: Drive in the felling wedge to prevent the chain saw from getting jamed into the tree trunk ( not fun).
4: Cut through the remainder.
Now if you're going to limb the tree after it has fallen add 30 minutes.
IHL
Part time helicopter pilot/ part time logger.
I have to correct you on the " one minute to fall a tree " thing.
It actually takes between 5 to 7 minutes.
1 st you have to cut a notch in the direction you wish the tree to fall .
2: Make a cut equivalent to > than one bar (chian saw bar) width on the side opposite the notch.
3: Drive in the felling wedge to prevent the chain saw from getting jamed into the tree trunk ( not fun).
4: Cut through the remainder.
Now if you're going to limb the tree after it has fallen add 30 minutes.
IHL
Part time helicopter pilot/ part time logger.
Four Gulf of Mexico Helicopter Pilots are walking down the street window shopping. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Helicopter Pilot's Bar" over the doorway of an entry into an establishment that doesn't look all that well kept up.
They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they could judge the 'book by it's cover'.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar so the men all ask for a martini. In short time the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken not stirred and says, "That'll be 40 cents, please." The four Helicopter Pilots stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other - they can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
The bartender replies, "No doubt you've noticed the decor in here. And the outside ain't nothin' to write home about. I don't waste money on that stuff. But, here's my story. I'm a retired Gulf Of Mexico Offshore Helicopter Pilot and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for working Helicopter Pilots. Every drink costs a dime -- wine, liquor, beer, all the same."
"Wow. That's quite a story." says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man finished his martini and, gestured at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "Oh, those are English North Sea Helicopter Pilots.
They're waiting for happy hour."
They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they could judge the 'book by it's cover'.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar so the men all ask for a martini. In short time the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken not stirred and says, "That'll be 40 cents, please." The four Helicopter Pilots stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other - they can't believe their good luck.
They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
The bartender replies, "No doubt you've noticed the decor in here. And the outside ain't nothin' to write home about. I don't waste money on that stuff. But, here's my story. I'm a retired Gulf Of Mexico Offshore Helicopter Pilot and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for working Helicopter Pilots. Every drink costs a dime -- wine, liquor, beer, all the same."
"Wow. That's quite a story." says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man finished his martini and, gestured at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "Oh, those are English North Sea Helicopter Pilots.
They're waiting for happy hour."