Adventures in Class 1 Medicals...
Well last 6 monthly medical attached to the ecg machine. It goes beebbbbbbbbbbbb ! AME smacks it and says the machine says you are dead
Takes my pulse and says machine will not recognise someone with a resting pulse below 50 ! Am told to think of cludia Schiffer with no clothes on and waggling my legs to get my pulse up for the reading
Takes my pulse and says machine will not recognise someone with a resting pulse below 50 ! Am told to think of cludia Schiffer with no clothes on and waggling my legs to get my pulse up for the reading
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Scotland
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Not strictly Class 1 but military aircrew medicals.
1. During my initial selection board, when it came to the preliminary medical I was shown into the office of one Surgeon Commander A*****n. For some reason we were sent in two at a time and the wanabe pilot shown in with me was a Petty Officer Artificer. A*****n went through our details and then asked if we smoked. I replied “No” but the other guy said “Yes”. “And what are you?” asked the Doc. “Petty Officer Artificer” was the reply. “No, what are you?” repeated the Doc. Again “Petty Officer Artificer, Sir”. “No you’re not” said Adamson,” You’re a c**t!”
So here I was again one year later, now Midshipman Gandalf RN, standing in front of Doc A*****n giving my details. Eventually he came to THE QUESTION. “Do you smoke?” What with all the pressures of Dartmouth I had started again so I truthfully replied “Yes sir”, “And what are you?” he asked. “I’m a c**t, sir”. A short silence and then “Have we met before?”
2. Much later at a well known Scottish Naval Air Squadron we had an elderly civvy doctor whose “audiogram” consisted of his sidekick sticking his finger in your ear while the doc whispered “Sixty six” and “Kilmarnock”. It was the same for every medical until some smartass said the words before the doc did!
1. During my initial selection board, when it came to the preliminary medical I was shown into the office of one Surgeon Commander A*****n. For some reason we were sent in two at a time and the wanabe pilot shown in with me was a Petty Officer Artificer. A*****n went through our details and then asked if we smoked. I replied “No” but the other guy said “Yes”. “And what are you?” asked the Doc. “Petty Officer Artificer” was the reply. “No, what are you?” repeated the Doc. Again “Petty Officer Artificer, Sir”. “No you’re not” said Adamson,” You’re a c**t!”
So here I was again one year later, now Midshipman Gandalf RN, standing in front of Doc A*****n giving my details. Eventually he came to THE QUESTION. “Do you smoke?” What with all the pressures of Dartmouth I had started again so I truthfully replied “Yes sir”, “And what are you?” he asked. “I’m a c**t, sir”. A short silence and then “Have we met before?”
2. Much later at a well known Scottish Naval Air Squadron we had an elderly civvy doctor whose “audiogram” consisted of his sidekick sticking his finger in your ear while the doc whispered “Sixty six” and “Kilmarnock”. It was the same for every medical until some smartass said the words before the doc did!
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Australia
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Had a doc once who's no longer with us was a chronic cricket fan. My medical was always test match time. He and his partner had a new clinic and the first extra expense was a B/W TV presumably for the delight of waiting patients. Wrong - it was so ol' doc mate could check the blessed cricket. One would enter and be met with, "What's the score?" One only needed to comment that Shepherd had been done by a Larwood bouncer and it was just too much, out he would rush returning occasionally to chuck in a few notes. I would be given the paperwork with a, "Here you can fill this in."
That's when I discovered that medical literature was not my first language and that NO in every box was not right.
Later I was doing the annual with his partner, a very funny man and clever with the silent syllables. This one day I had flown the noisy F/W in after a long several months in the more noisy flying machines and noise; well noise was never my best friend. I did the urine sample and walked in with it with a, "where shall I put it?".
'Just there on the desk thanks,' came the reply. Now, it's right in my field of view and it starts playing on my mind, stale p**s-- getting staler---, what if a bloke had to crash in the desert -- and have to drink it---, as the questions flowed. 'Ever had lumbago of the third ventricle left footed ingrown toenail? All that sort of mind riveting stuff, then he mutters under his breath, 'How's your hearing?'
Came the automatic response,
"Well it hasn't melted the bottom out of that glass bottle yet".
Weill, his head snapped back with eyes as big as dinner plates and eyebrows gone way past his hair line, but quick as a flash he says, 'Don't spend too much time in controlled airspace do we?'
That's when I discovered that medical literature was not my first language and that NO in every box was not right.
Later I was doing the annual with his partner, a very funny man and clever with the silent syllables. This one day I had flown the noisy F/W in after a long several months in the more noisy flying machines and noise; well noise was never my best friend. I did the urine sample and walked in with it with a, "where shall I put it?".
'Just there on the desk thanks,' came the reply. Now, it's right in my field of view and it starts playing on my mind, stale p**s-- getting staler---, what if a bloke had to crash in the desert -- and have to drink it---, as the questions flowed. 'Ever had lumbago of the third ventricle left footed ingrown toenail? All that sort of mind riveting stuff, then he mutters under his breath, 'How's your hearing?'
Came the automatic response,
"Well it hasn't melted the bottom out of that glass bottle yet".
Weill, his head snapped back with eyes as big as dinner plates and eyebrows gone way past his hair line, but quick as a flash he says, 'Don't spend too much time in controlled airspace do we?'
Speaking of Digital exams....not the electronic kind...the 82nd Airborne Flight Surgeon for a while was a very tall fellow....like about 6'7" or so....who could hold a Basketball with a single hand on top of the ball.
When said exam was about half done....I suggested he could have had the courtesy of taking his Watch off before doing the exam. It is the first time I ever had my Tonsils checked from the bottom!
I am definitely meant to be a regular straight heterosexual it seems.
When said exam was about half done....I suggested he could have had the courtesy of taking his Watch off before doing the exam. It is the first time I ever had my Tonsils checked from the bottom!
I am definitely meant to be a regular straight heterosexual it seems.
