Aviation lies.
 

Always worth seeing if there are any new ones.

Here are a few I like any way:

I am from the small ports unit, and I am here to help you.

Dont worry, I have got 2,000 hours now and 1,700 of those are on instruments.

I have just had the annual done, so everything will be working just fine.

Dont worry the TAF isnt forecasting any sea mist.

Strange I could see the runway exactly on minimiums.

I didnt check the fuel but I reckon the tanks were almost full.

"This one's cheap"

"Don't worry, i'm not going far - i'll be back by xxxx"

Performance, range and fuel burn figures in most light aircraft flight manuals.
DO.

There cannot be any CBs embedded in this stuff.

"Our skies are already too crowded"

"Of course it's long enough!"*

"These fuel gauges always under-read"

"It's just a sticky NAV flag"

"It'll be fine by the time we get back"




*The runway, I mean.

From my students:

"I was just about to do that"

"No one ever told me that"

Trust me, I am a commercial pilot.

- don't worry, you'll only be based there for 6 months.

- i got the lights at minima.

- that was a good landing, captain.

- don't put it in the tech log, i'll fix that tonight.

- FTL's aren't a limit, they are a target.

"It'll be fine. We'll use the FAA average passenger weights schedule instead of your actual weight."

I've never known it to do that before.

Don't worry, it always does that.

Hold at ****. Expect a short delay.

I'm VMC

1.5 from the Hobbs

I did a full 'A' check.

The wind changed and the wing suddenly lost lift.

I don't recollect seeing any other aircraft.

I refuelled the tanks back to the level they were when I picked-up the aircraft.

No, I didn't cane the aircraft and I made sure I leaned as much as possible.

"I'm from the CAA, and I'm here to help you"

It will clear in the air.

Rod1

"No, no, no....we here at (*insert well known low cost airline name) would never expect you to fund a Type Rating !!"

"Of course it's a legal duty, it's been checked by Ops."

"Look, i've been paid far too much again this month"

"No, don't worry, the HOTAC is all booked for your arrival into ABCD"

"....and then you'll position back to home base the same day"

(In a pikey accent): 'Fly to Paris for one pound!'.

"Sorry, you were trying to call me? Had a bit of a problem with the radio...." :E




It works both ways! ;)

If the fuel in the aircraft tech log agrees with the fuel in the daily flight record sheet, there is no need to check the tanks visually.

That wire (ends hanging out under the cowling) only goes to the landing light. Don't switch on the landing light and you will be fine (school with an AOC).

I'm an instructor.

We have fuel.

Don't worry......you won't lose money buying one of these, they keep their resale value really well.

The only hard thing about flying is the ground!

Don't worry about all the nav bolleaux - just get a GPS as soon as you've got yr PPL (attrib Lyc 6 cyl :E)

FAA system is the only way fwd!

JAA has it in for overseas based N reg's.

Could I flythat? Hell I could fly the box it came in!

It was going fine for me all day yesterday and was perfect when I put it in the hangar last night.

They all look/sound/move like that, it's quite normal.

BA five weeks ago "We will refund the cost of the flight we cancelled"

Time to spare,go by air

Hen ddraig

" It's only the bulb"

EASA is here to improve things by proportionate regulation based upon aviation knowledge.

When told by ATC no transponder: "Ah yeah its been acting up lately"
Then quickly turning it from stdby to alt...

This will be an EASA Minor Mod. It was last time we did it.

"Sorry we're late back. Pre-flight checks have all been done and it's just been re-fuelled so off you go!"

This from the instructor before my QXC. On landing at Southend I spotted a mark on the prop. The "Pre-flight checks" had not included removal of the towbar, which had bounced into the propellor arc and been hurled to one side as they taxied out for the previous sortie without them even being aware of it.

"The annual's all complete and she's ready to go." (Apart that is from the pair of pliers sitting on top of the cylinders."

"We never touched the trim" After a very quick circuit holding the stick forward aginst full nose-up trim due to mis-rigging when collecting an aircraft from repair.

They're all like that.

I did a DI three weeks ago & there was absolutely nothing wrong with it! If we can get it in, we'll get it out, trust me.

How hard can it be?

"It'll be three weeks, and £4K"

"Колеса вниз и закрывается"

Sorry chaps, I forgot to add the VAT. ;)

Oh, well, the POH forbids intentional spins, loops and barrel rolls but you can still do them if you know what you're doing.

Love the idea of an unintentional loop.

Actually I've done unintentional spins, loops, barrel rolls, avalanches and a few other aerobatic figures. But they all started out as another aerobatic figure and went wrong halfway through.:ugh:

Turning a loop into an unintentional avalanche came as a suprise to all on board though. Note to self: Must remember to loosen the backpressure on the stick *completely* when near the top of the loop, and to keep the ball in the middle. Especially in an aircraft with very little pre-stall feedback.

Your PPL will only cost you 45 hours of instruction time.

Those fuel gauges are always pessimistic.

You can land at XXXX after ATC has gone home. Just be able to speak French!

Small planes don't have to pay the handling charge.

Avgas available here at low prices.

Don't worry, it won't spin.