Aviation lies.
 

Always worth seeing if there are any new ones.

Here are a few I like any way:

I am from the small ports unit, and I am here to help you.

Dont worry, I have got 2,000 hours now and 1,700 of those are on instruments.

I have just had the annual done, so everything will be working just fine.

Dont worry the TAF isnt forecasting any sea mist.

Strange I could see the runway exactly on minimiums.

I didnt check the fuel but I reckon the tanks were almost full.

"This one's cheap"

"Don't worry, i'm not going far - i'll be back by xxxx"

Performance, range and fuel burn figures in most light aircraft flight manuals.
DO.

There cannot be any CBs embedded in this stuff.

"Our skies are already too crowded"

"Of course it's long enough!"*

"These fuel gauges always under-read"

"It's just a sticky NAV flag"

"It'll be fine by the time we get back"




*The runway, I mean.

From my students:

"I was just about to do that"

"No one ever told me that"

Trust me, I am a commercial pilot.

- don't worry, you'll only be based there for 6 months.

- i got the lights at minima.

- that was a good landing, captain.

- don't put it in the tech log, i'll fix that tonight.

- FTL's aren't a limit, they are a target.

"It'll be fine. We'll use the FAA average passenger weights schedule instead of your actual weight."

I've never known it to do that before.

Don't worry, it always does that.

Hold at ****. Expect a short delay.

I'm VMC

1.5 from the Hobbs

I did a full 'A' check.

The wind changed and the wing suddenly lost lift.

I don't recollect seeing any other aircraft.

I refuelled the tanks back to the level they were when I picked-up the aircraft.

No, I didn't cane the aircraft and I made sure I leaned as much as possible.

"I'm from the CAA, and I'm here to help you"

It will clear in the air.

Rod1

"No, no, no....we here at (*insert well known low cost airline name) would never expect you to fund a Type Rating !!"

"Of course it's a legal duty, it's been checked by Ops."

"Look, i've been paid far too much again this month"

"No, don't worry, the HOTAC is all booked for your arrival into ABCD"

"....and then you'll position back to home base the same day"

(In a pikey accent): 'Fly to Paris for one pound!'.

"Sorry, you were trying to call me? Had a bit of a problem with the radio...." :E




It works both ways! ;)

If the fuel in the aircraft tech log agrees with the fuel in the daily flight record sheet, there is no need to check the tanks visually.

That wire (ends hanging out under the cowling) only goes to the landing light. Don't switch on the landing light and you will be fine (school with an AOC).

I'm an instructor.

We have fuel.

Don't worry......you won't lose money buying one of these, they keep their resale value really well.