Dear Southend controller...
 

Just incase the Southend controller or anyone who was on the Southend frequency at around 1PM today happens to read this board, you may have heard a transmission that went something like this... (callsign changed to protect the..... erm guilty)

Me: Southend Radar, Golf-Alpha-Bravo-Charlie-Delta, Request Flight information service.

Southend: Golf-Alpha-Bravo-Charlie-Delta, pass your message.

Me: Golf-Alpha-Bravo-Charlie-Delta, Cessna 172, Headcorn - Southend - Damyns Hall - Headcorn, 2 miles east of Gillingham, 2300 feet on QNH 1030, errmm..... ummmmm :mad: sorry.... *click*

I just want you to know that I *am* trying, and I can do this stuff pretty well when I am at 0 feet AGL, but as soon as I push that little black button you might as well ask me to recite the elements in the periodic table.... alphabetically..... in hebrew.

Sorry if I made your job harder then it needs to be today, I promise you that some day I will come by, and get it spot on and you will say... "Wow! That guy is a pilot!!" :)

Thanks.

We've all been there :D

On all the occasions I've been into Southend, the controllers there have always seemed pretty friendly. I'm sure that they will have understood.

All been there! Might be worth asking a Mod to move (or cross post) this thread into the ATC forum as well!

I see the mistake. It should have been "Saaaafend Radar" :}

Don't worry. Happens to us all. When doing my cross-country qualifier, I started talking in what appeared to be Gibberish to London Info. I think the bloke on the other end started losing patience as well....:\

I know exactly how you feel - the minute I push that little black button, my brain turns to mush and my tongue doesn't work! The funny part is watching my FI desperately miming what I should be saying ... :}

Fortunately, there are four schools at sarfend, so they're probably used to us!

:p

I was once flying in the South East with a friend and we called Dunsfold radar who acknowledged us and blurted out the usual stream of info (QNH, squawk code etc.) We hurriedly wrote it all down, dialled the numbers in to the instruments etc. After a short delay the response came back from the controller....

'Golf Alpha Bravo you appear to be squawking the QNH'

Although the radio was silent I could hear the whole world laughing. Looking down at the transponder, sure enough it had 1013 dialled in! If only we'd tried getting 7890mb in to the altimeter we might have twigged!!

I think transponder numbers only go 0-7

Come on then.How many are prepared to admit to transmitting a word perfect message only to find you are still on the previous frequency to the one you you should have been on? DOH.:O

Agreed about the Southend controllers. I'm forever flying across their overhead and they have always been very pleasent and helpful. Thanks guys. :D

Yak-52 - two buttons on the throttle, intercom and TX. Standing on the wing, giving guidance to occupant of front seat on the gentle art of starting the tractor. Guidance hampered by having the mags turned off in the back. Turn on mags, front seat occupant's efforts now bear fruit. Lean into back cockpit, plug in headset, press intercom and use choice phrase including very, very, very bad word to describe oneself by way of explanation to front seat occupant regarding initial state of rear mag switch. Look up, to see groundcrew member 50 metres away fall to the ground, clutching an Icom, and apparently suffer some form of convulsion. Realise with a sinking feeling that button pressed was TX, not intercom, and have just used very, very, very bad (strength 5, readability 5, pronounciation and enunciation later confirmed as 100% by groundcrew) word over local A/G frequency.........2 of the classic Yak-52 rookie errors in one. What a :ooh:

We've all been there, don't worry about it!

Once while flying a Cardinal RG with autopilot problems, thinking I was holding down the autopilot disconnect button (label worn off), The whole area heard what I thought of the misbehaving autopilot. On another occasion, while right seat in a Cheyenne, and having just perfectly read out a checklist to my captain, ATC replied that I had done a good job of reading the checklist, but they did not care. Wrong button again!

This is one of the flyings aspects where the saying applies well...

There are those who have, and those who will...

Have a laugh about it with the rest of us, and fly on!

Pilot DAR

We've all done. Myself more than I care to mention!

One good one was whilst sitting ready to go at Stansted one day, when someone decided it was a good idea to do their entire PA announcement on the ground frequency. A fairly rountine occurance, but in this case the chap making the boo-boo decided to apologise for the delay they had by blaming ATC........

Quick as a flash the ground controller came back with "you weren't delayed by ATC before, but you are now!"

All jokingly of course.

The chaps at Sarfend are very good and are nice blokes with it. They are well used to students and everyone else making a horlicks of it.

Don't worry about it, you'll do it again, it's just as you get more experienced you care less about making mistakes like this.

oops
 

yeah, we've all been there...on a flight around southern u.k. at every airfield I gave the call sign of an aircraft that i use to fly some 5 years earlier...I was having a real senior moment.

And I remember calling final sequentially of every ac i had flown that day but couldn't remember the one I was in at the time. The contoller wisely responded 'ac on short final clear to land'. Long day.

Its not called the 'Brain Disconnect Button' for nothing.

Dear Southendcontroller...
 

:O
Oh how very refreshing and what a relief it was just to hear how many people are doing this when I thought it was just me - I also did Saaaafend on my cross-country qualifier. I errrr-ummmed so much they thought I had a rough running engine!

Also after a long time holding over Littlehampton for what seemed ages to land at Shoreham, a friend was on finals when at the last moment he was asked to go around. We then heard the word 'Git' come loudly from the radio.
We managed to convince ATC that he was merely giving the abbreviation for 'Going around - In - Turn'! :E

As everyone has said, Sothend are very friendly.

My first solo land away was Biggin Hill to Southend. Called up for joining instructions and was told 'Runway 24, right hand circuit, call downwind'. Read back correctly and continued onwards. Approching the airfield tower approach calls up 'confirm right hand circuits'. I confirm runway 24 right hand circuit. Just established downwind for 24 and call 'G-CD downwind 24'. ATC replies 'G-CD you can have a left hand circuit if you want. All you needed to do was ask!' I had just joined a left hand circuit instead of right! :uhoh:

Learnt from the mistake, had a good laugh with the ATC on the ground and will never do it again... hopefully

Slightly related to OP:
On my first XC solo, I called up Wycombe tower and passed the details of my nav-ex from Denham to Denham via Leicester, but failed to give my position.
Very nice sounding female controller asks:
"Golf Foxtrot Tango, and where exactly are you on this epic voyage?"

Me (blushing) "Ah, Stokenchurch tower!"

When the time came for me to leave the frequency, I called up and said,
"Golf Foxtrot Tango, nearing completion of said "epic voyage" and changing frequency.........."

I could here the amusement in the girl's voice and had a little chuckle to myself, and have always remembered since that the people on the other end of the radio are just people like me, and nothing to be afraid of!

Comm1 / Comm2
 

My particular forte is not resetting the Comm 1/2 switch on the audio panel after talking on box 2. Normally get a polite reminder from ATC and, touch wood, never let slip any untoward language so far.:hmm:

I used to know an ex-hostie. She had a slight lisp, had been told to avoid doing the cabin announcements, and succeeded for many months. Eventualy came the time when she could avoid it no longer. So she wedged herself in the corner with the phone in one hand and the card with the thing on it in the other, hit the button and off she went.

She actually managed to do the entire thing perfectly, not a hitch, and hung the phone up with a big sigh of relief.

Almost immediately it buzzed, so she picked it up.

"Sharron, that was absolutely excellent! We enjoyed it immensely up here on the flight deck. Would you like to do it for the passengers now?"

As for my own prowess, I'm saying nuffink.;)

The week after I got my Assistant Flying Instructor Rating, I took my then girlfriend for a flight in the club 172 and proceeded to patter the entire take off to everyone on Birmingham Tower frequency...........:\

Could be worse!

After a few hours and I was just about, sort of, maybe, getting the hang of hovering, my instructor asked me to call up Tower and ask for a right hand circuit northside.

Me: Tower, ********, request righ .... ffffuuuuuucccccckkkkkk!
Instructor: Tower, ********, we can't hover and talk just yet!

Cheers

Whirls

Can I just say.... I love you guys!!

I think the single greatest thing about this forum is that you can post a tale of woe and get many replies of similar tales that reminds that you that 'to err is human'. It is so easy to make a mistake, or struggle with something and start to wonder if you 'have what it takes'. To hear stories of similar mishaps, puts the problem in perspective, and makes you realise that it is just another exciting challenge to overcome. Thanks all.

...and Whirlygig, a special thanks to you, simply because I had *no idea* that you could request one of *those*!! They must have skipped that part in the theory book, or does it only apply to rotary pilots? :}

Whirls, hahaha, I recall those early days well!


"Paraparaumu, HZC taking off 34 grass, remaining right circuit".
"Paraparaumu, HZC errr apparantly running take-off 34 grass, remaining right"
"Paraparaumu, HZC ummmmm... backtracking hover 34 grass to line up"
"Paraparaumu, HZC operating somewhere between centre grass and right hand circuit next three-zero minutes....."

all made in the space of about three minutes... ;) :O

eharding, that story was hilarious! :=

I had (selectively) forgotten about my solo XC... trying desperately to get hold of Wellesbourne:

"Wellesboune Information, Helicopter X-XXXX"

<no reply> <repeat> <no reply> <repeat>

"Helicopter X-XXXX: This is East Mids tower, please check your frequency."

"Errr, my apologies sir. Helicopter G-XX."

Sure enough.... one turn too far on the dial!

Listening in to a female controller at Waddington trying to contact G-**RR.
After several attempts to contact the callsign she transmitted

Romeo Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?

The end result was a series of ums, aahs and errrs in a thick (probably in both senses) Yorkshire accent.

Oh what a missed opportunity, how I wished I had been flying Romeo Romeo on that day!!!

I was doing one of my first solo cross countries in Florida, on a Flight Following from Orlando Approach. My first time ever on Flight Following on my own. As all N-reg aircraft registrations start with, well, an N, it is common to call yourself "Cadet 250FT" instead of "N250FT". But apparently not everybody does that. So it took the controller quite some attempts to get through to me, calling me "N250FT".

Wasn't the worst what happened during my stay there. There was this other solo x-country student who was self-announcing his way through the circuit at Sebastian, an uncontrolled field. Only when he actually landed and noticed a fairly tall control tower flashing green and red lights at him, did he realise he was not at Sebastian at all, but at Melbourne International. Oops.

Mrs Hum and I went for an early morning bimble following the rivers - follow Avon to Tewkesbury, Severn to Gloucester, down to Chepstow, up the Wye to Monmouth and then home across the Malverns.

Rather surprised to get a FIS from Glos Approach, it was quite early.

"...Report at Chepstow"

Duly reported, "Golf Tango Romeo, overhead Chepstow and turning North following the Wye valley..."

Short pause, "Glos Approach, Roger, d'you fancy swapping seats?"

:)

There's an old story about a light a/c making a mess of the comms going into a major US airport (Miami?). The controller was getting a little impatient as the pilot didn't seem to have the latest ATIS. "Confirm you have Hotel" asked the controller. "No, we're staying with friends" came the reply.

EDDNR that's a corker!:ok:

Another of those tea, screen & keyboard moments :ok:

ATC are paid to provide pilots with a service, not the other way round. Always keep that in mind while you are learning and you will approach the problem of being unfamiliar with the RT and flying at the same time with more confidence.

My standard brief to students is to say if you are having a problem with any ATC officer say " My instructor told me to tell you, bolox". I have never had anybody do this but it introduces the student to being able to relax more on the radio.

One of the things not readily passed on by instructors is that you can talk normally just as you down the pub.

Saying on the RT for instance. I am in a red C152 around 2000 feet and I am lost and frightened isnt CAP 413 but I can assure you it will attract as much, if not more attention, then a word perfect CAP 413 call. If ATC want to know something they will ask you. Press the button, make your best effort and let the guy who is paid to provide the service ask the rest.

Humaround

That was me! I remember it being a glorious morning and feeling very envious.

(I will now have to take myself in the office and give me a damn good talking to about non-standard RT!!)

I was on a jolly with a Spam of my aquaintance and as we started our take off he pressed the ptt and said "Rolling". ATC replied "I should get a bit higher first if I were you."

Digital.poet

Don't worry about it.

To quote the late Eric Morecome (said to conductor Andre Previn whilst holding his lapels!!!)

"Listen pal, I'm not playing it wrong, the notes are all there, just not necessarily coming out in the correct order OK?"

Same goes for R/T then.... (certainly does with me at times).